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Subject: It's report card day, do you reward your kids?
Just curious to hear what other parents out there do. If your kid got a good report card, do they get something special for it? We always did this with our oldest and now do it with our youngest. One of my in laws says we are bribing the kids, I call it rewarding them. Also, do you have a general standard of what a good report card is or does it change from year to year or from child to child? Interested to hear what others thinkBrooklynian » Forum » Park Slope »
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I told da boy good job, and told him that he deserved a cookie.
I'm not averse to cash for grades, although I would prefer to see a different motivation. They say not to bribe yer kids with candy, because it sets the stage for eating disorders. Would not bribing them with money set them up with, uh, Republican disorders or whatever? But in the absence or other motivation, I would generally view the excellence in education to be obtained preferable to worries about money disorders.
"It's only as boring as you make it."
You're making me want to poke my eyes out with a spoon. Stop that.
Bringing the term thin-skinned to a whole new level! -
Straigt A's = Extra Spanking (for the wife, because she does all the child rearing)
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So? You do or do not reward your kids? Between the jokes and the cat pictures, i got a bit lost, LOL! BTW, i thought you said earlier you had 4 kids?
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i dont understand paying kids for getting good grades. My sister and I were motivated by the fear of what would happen to our social lives if we DIDN'T get good grades. Good grades were what we got to continue to have freedom...it was mandatory. Poor grades= tutoring, grounding, etc. Kind of like getting paid for normal chores- we had stuff we were required to do (we did the dishes every night, cleaning our rooms, sorting our laundry when we were old enough) and got paid for extra stuff (shoveling the driveway, washing the car) that my parents would have ordinarily done but didn't feel like doing.whoa hey whoa hey whoa
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I don't see it as paying for good grades, i see it as sort of a bonus. kind of like if you did really well on a special project at work, you might get an extra day off or something extra in your paycheck. And, yes, in my house at least, there would be penalties for bad grades or failing grades, luckily I have never had to deal with that. We very strongly impress on our kids the need to study and work hard in school and make good grades.
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i guess our bonus was a pat on the back and our parents not being pissed? At what point do you stop paying? I mean, highschool? College? I went to college with kids whos parents STILL paid them to make good grades because it was "cheaper" than them failing out and wasting all that tuition money...whoa hey whoa hey whoa
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When I was getting my masters in education, this was required reading: Punished By Rewards http://www.amazon.com/Punished-Rewards-Trouble-Incentive-Praise/dp/0618001816/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227043073&sr=8-2 Long story short: Good grades should be the reward in and of itself. Rewarding a child for good grades (or good behavior) is like training a dog. They just see the means to an end and may miss the point of the journey of discovery and learning....and the joy and reward of newly gained knowledge."...you can choose the rain....but I choose the sun..." - N. Costa
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I gave them a coupon for 30 cents off a bag of chipsDon't get me started
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Carmen » i guess our bonus was a pat on the back and our parents not being pissed? At what point do you stop paying? I mean, highschool? College? I went to college with kids whos parents STILL paid them to make good grades because it was "cheaper" than them failing out and wasting all that tuition money...
Well, again, can only speak for here, but, no, we did not buy our college age child gifts (that is what we do, the kid gets a gift, not money, not cash), for getting good grades. Good grades were what was expected of him to stay in school and continue to get his scholarships. -
ringrunner » I gave them a coupon for 30 cents off a bag of chips
Come on! Gave them a coupon? -
How about some fun quality time with family or Dad? Take the kid out somewhere as a treat. Make it educational as a bonus. Natural History Museum or Bronx Zoo.(\__/)
(=’.'=)
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LongTimeSloper » [quote="ringrunner"]I gave them a coupon for 30 cents off a bag of chips
Come on! Gave them a coupon?[/quote] i got twins, things are tightDon't get me started -
My custodial parent thought the grades were reward enough. Non custodial parent gave us - I mean me cuz I was a school nerd - money. best of both worlds!
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I was rewarded with not being beaten.Babies aren't meat! They're not even people!
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Mamacita » How about some fun quality time with family or Dad? Take the kid out somewhere as a treat. Make it educational as a bonus. Natural History Museum or Bronx Zoo.
Yeah if we did something really good (like get a good grade on a test after studying a lot or something) sometimes we'd get a mom-date where we'd get to go out alone with our mom and get icecream and go to the park or something. I gues the difference is that this was never promised or mentioned ahead of time, it was just a nice surprise if we were working hard and our parents knew it.whoa hey whoa hey whoa -
ringrunner » [quote="LongTimeSloper"][quote="ringrunner"]I gave them a coupon for 30 cents off a bag of chips
Come on! Gave them a coupon?[/quote] i got twins, things are tight[/quote] Do they have to split the bag? -
Carmen » [quote="Mamacita"]How about some fun quality time with family or Dad? Take the kid out somewhere as a treat. Make it educational as a bonus. Natural History Museum or Bronx Zoo.
Yeah if we did something really good (like get a good grade on a test after studying a lot or something) sometimes we'd get a mom-date where we'd get to go out alone with our mom and get icecream and go to the park or something. I gues the difference is that this was never promised or mentioned ahead of time, it was just a nice surprise if we were working hard and our parents knew it.[/quote] I like that idea, though, we always take the kids out to places like that, maybe a movie though. And, even though I will buy the kids a treat for getting a good report card, this is not something that is talked about throughout the year. it's not like we walk around saying "get a good report card and you will get something" We say " do well in school so you can get good grades and go to a good college and make a good living one day". The reward is always a surprise. it's not something talked about nor asked for in any way. -
LongTimeSloper » [quote="ringrunner"][quote="LongTimeSloper"][quote="ringrunner"]I gave them a coupon for 30 cents off a bag of chips
Come on! Gave them a coupon?[/quote] i got twins, things are tight[/quote] Do they have to split the bag?[/quote] What bag, just a couponDon't get me started -
LOL! they have to find the money to actually buy the chips themselves eh? Those poor, poor kids, remind me to tell them how sorry I feel for them tomorrow. LOL
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LongTimeSloper » The reward is always a surprise. it's not something talked about nor asked for in any way.
Is it, though? How many "surprises" have there been? Kids can smell gifts from a mile away. Shit, I STILL smell them from my parents. A kid ALWAYS knows....
"...you can choose the rain....but I choose the sun..." - N. Costa -
It definitely depends on the kid. I know many people who got rewarded with money for good grades and it worked wonders all through their childhood and they turned into very productive members of society. Then the siblings in the same family got the same treatment but could care less. Just like adults, not all children are motivated by the same thing so you have to moderate your behavior in tune with what works. Only you know your kids. If its working for you, keep it up.
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Yep, I agree Mrs. Limestone, that is why i asked what other people do and do they tailor it to the individual kid. Whatchuwant, his reward for this report card is gonna be meeting you tonight. I hope you will be wearing the outfit in your AV cause he would like that
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As a parent I also will give my son a special "treat" for a good report card and I don't believe that is my son's motivator. My son gets good grades because he puts the time and effort into it. That treat can be anything from a new Bionicle (lego), a night at the Chocolate Room or a trip to the bookstore. He also knows that by doing well in school he is allowed outside activities such as sports and music classes, etc.
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LongTimeSloper » Whatchuwant, his reward for this report card is gonna be meeting you tonight. I hope you will be wearing the outfit in your AV cause he would like that
...I definately didn't get rewarded like that for good grades. Who is 16? you or your son? For better or worse, the change on Nostrand is going to make the change on Franklin look minor. -
none of my kids are 16, why do you ask?
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Mamacita » How about some fun quality time with family or Dad? Take the kid out somewhere as a treat. Make it educational as a bonus. Natural History Museum or Bronx Zoo.
Museums... Zoos This weekend I went the the Hall of Science in Queens and the Aquarium in Camdent NJ to reward myself. My kids want to watch TV Look at my blog http://www.Chickenunderwear.comDon't get me started -
maybe you should just leave those darn PITA kids home next time RR, you go to the zoo alone
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i'm a public school teacher, and i would def. encourage parents to spend time with their kids as the reward rather than give them stuff. they SHOULD be intrinsically motivated, but also being rewarded by doing something as a family should be done. when we were kids we got to pick what we did that friday night - what movie to rent, what food to order, etc. then we spent that time together as a family. $10 an A or a new PSP game doesn't seem to match up for me.
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I use the good report card as an opportunity to tell my daughter how proud I am to be her Dad. I can tell from her face that that is a huge reward.
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LongTimeSloper » none of my kids are 16, why do you ask?
nevermind....For better or worse, the change on Nostrand is going to make the change on Franklin look minor. -
All my friends who got paid or were given gifts for good grades growing up don't read on their own to this day. All my friends who were taught that learning is something every person should want to do throughout their lives and enjoy, not only still read, but tend to be more knowledgeable about what's going on in the world and more active in their communities. True story.
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xlizellx » i'm a public school teacher, and i would def. encourage parents to spend time with their kids as the reward rather than give them stuff. they SHOULD be intrinsically motivated, but also being rewarded by doing something as a family should be done. when we were kids we got to pick what we did that friday night - what movie to rent, what food to order, etc. then we spent that time together as a family. $10 an A or a new PSP game doesn't seem to match up for me.
I totally agree with this. And I think it should be more of a "we're proud of you for working hard" gesture than a "here's a gift for making an A" gesture. I think the idea behind the reward is way more important than the actual reward- saying something like "you could get 'X' for making better than a 'X' grade" is way different than giving a special treat after the fact for all the hard work. I got a "mom-date" when I was in middleschool for making a B- in algebra because it was really hard for me and I went to tutoring all semester. It was my lowest grade but my mom expressed her pride because she knew it sucked and I was [am] really bad at math and it took lots of effort. That should be the point, not the actual grade.whoa hey whoa hey whoa -
Carmen » [quote="xlizellx"]i'm a public school teacher, and i would def. encourage parents to spend time with their kids as the reward rather than give them stuff. they SHOULD be intrinsically motivated, but also being rewarded by doing something as a family should be done. when we were kids we got to pick what we did that friday night - what movie to rent, what food to order, etc. then we spent that time together as a family. $10 an A or a new PSP game doesn't seem to match up for me.
I totally agree with this. And I think it should be more of a "we're proud of you for working hard" gesture than a "here's a gift for making an A" gesture. I think the idea behind the reward is way more important than the actual reward- saying something like "you could get 'X' for making better than a 'X' grade" is way different than giving a special treat after the fact for all the hard work. I got a "mom-date" when I was in middleschool for making a B- in algebra because it was really hard for me and I went to tutoring all semester. It was my lowest grade but my mom expressed her pride because she knew it sucked and I was [am] really bad at math and it took lots of effort. That should be the point, not the actual grade.[/quote] +1 Carmen. Totally agree. I don't have kids, but I was one (once) and that was pretty much my experience as well. Math = ugh. -
i got a few dollars for good grades A's and B's were worth $10 and $5 respectively. So not a great amount. I always went and spent it all on baseball cards anyway. my two younger brothers though somehow conned my parents into paying out $100 for a report card full of C's stupid inflation.
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oh yea, also, our parents always promised to buy us whatever the latest video game system was if me and brother #2 made the honor roll. my parents weren't that dumb, they never had to pay out for that one.
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I spent TWO summers at summer school trying to pass algebra. Which I finally did. And the only reward I got was the encouragement of my parents. Everything else that my parents did for me was totally separate from school. And I turned out ok, I like to think, except I need a calculator for pretty much everything.
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My parents never rewarded any of us (5 kids) with money or candy for a good report card. It was like this : Good report card = Mom happy and smiling and telling you "good job!" (man , I can still remember some of those times) Bad report card = Mom upset and yelling at you. Then you gotta run and hide hoping that you don't get beat.That ruins your whole day cuz you can't go out and play or watch tv cuz you gotta lay low till bed time. So , to us it was make mom happy or make mom mad and fear for your ass. We choose to try our best in school to make her happy. She's so beautiful when she smiles.
"Some people make their goals the stars,
They may live and die never reaching them,
but in the darkness of the night, those stars will guide them to their destination,because they put them in their sights." -
we didn't go out to eat much when i was a kid (and my father, the primary cook, wasn't exactly julia child). we did go out once a week for mexican food with my dad's mentor, but i HATED mexican food as a child. so my report card reward was a dinner out where i got to pick the restaurant. i always picked the (cheap) steakhouse. i think that was a good reward because - it meant family time together -- the main reward was the attention - we were going to eat dinner anyway, so i don't think it messed my head up about food or anything - it wasn't nickle-and-dime-y about the exact grade. it was more like "we know you worked hard this quarter". so i learned to show my parents on a daily basis that i was working hard, instead of obsessing over whether one teacher giving me an A- would cost me my new whatever. i don't remember ever being told i wouldn't get this reward, but then again, my grades were always good overall. the occasional low grade was treated as "what do we do to help you here? let's go talk to your teacher about it", which was 900% more mortifying than just getting scolded. the fear of their thinking there was something wrong with me was enough to keep me from slacking off. i remember testing the money-for-grades water with my parents at one point. they looked at me like i was describing the mysterious culture of a primitive people -- interesting, but nothing to do with how we'd be living our lives. education is really important in our family, and i think they thought mixing money and learning together was a bad business. (of course, i am now highly-educated and poorly-paid, so take your own lesson from that if you will....)Bumping ancient threads with bot-like bullshit
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I never got an A...barely passed my classes. Had serious ADD which I grew out of (no one knew, they just thought I was lazy). My parents never expected much from me and my father strongly recommended working for a car service and renting a basement apartment. Since my parents never encouraged me, I had to be intrinsically motivated. In time the ADD passed and I gave school another try while in my mid 20's. Im now a doctor of pharmacy working at a great hospital.
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I don't like the idea of money for grades in general. Having said that, I think that if you have an unmotivated child that would be motivated by money or whatever for grades that they benefits of them applying themselves to their education outweigh the detriments of the monetary reward. Having said that, I would (and have) endeavored to motivate my children in different ways. Having said _that_, at points in the past I _have_ motivated them with cold hard cash, A=$$, B=$, etc. Results were, meh. I don't do it anymore, but I wouldn't condemn those that do either. But coming back to the beginning, I think that education is _very_ important, and in general am willing to do whatever it takes to get the little guys dedicated to it."It's only as boring as you make it."
You're making me want to poke my eyes out with a spoon. Stop that.
Bringing the term thin-skinned to a whole new level! -
if grades are low, cancel their Playboy subscription
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For the most part, this was a very helpful discussion! (and regardless of their helpfulness, I am a reluctant fan of the cat pics....)
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When I do well at work I reward myself with wine and cheese or new shoes. Or martinis and Rx yummies.
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Yeah, the cat pics can get to be too much, but they are darn cute!
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Subject: Re: It's report card day, do you reward your kids?
LongTimeSloper » Just curious to hear what other parents out there do. If your kid got a good report card, do they get something special for it? We always did this with our oldest and now do it with our youngest. One of my in laws says we are bribing the kids, I call it rewarding them. Also, do you have a general standard of what a good report card is or does it change from year to year or from child to child? Interested to hear what others think
I was never rewarded growing up, my parents would be pleasantly surprised with my good grades as I was an original slacker growing up, & we never directly rewarded our own kids as they were growing up for getting good grades. We heaped lots of praise on them and occasionally told them we were disappointed if they didn't do so well but never any specific rewards. We might let them pick their favorite food for dinner or take out or take them to a movie or something like that but I've always felt that getting good grades is what's expected and doesn't need any specific rewards. -
I was never rewarded as a kid for good grades but I do reward my kids for good grades. I see nothing wrong with that and they do appreciate it. As for a good report card that can be up for interpretation depending on the child. Some Kids do not learn as easily as others and have to work harder. They may not get the A's but that does not mean it is not a good report card.
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