I think I will start mugging people

isa

Somehow this site has inspired me to start mugging people. Where should I begin?

anonymous

sounds like there may be some would-be victims coming out of Soda on Thursday......

quig

The "learning annex" at Rikers has some great post-graduate courses.

ahem....

I've heard....

brooklynswordstyle

Well, to start with, you'd probably have to put down that pig you're always holding. It's not very intimidating. You could replace it with a big stick, or a gun or something like that.

Some people might advise you to trade in the flat cap for some sort of hooded jacket or a skully, but they are just not thinking ahead. You can lure them in with that bucolic appearance, and then hit them with your stick.

You'll need to work on your trademark mugging phrase. Something like "gimme the loot!"

Once you have that down you should be ready to go.

isa

Thanks, I just spit Poland Spring all over my screen. Through my nose.

anonymous

I'd also recommend that you pick a "signature" item to steal. Most people carry Kleenex in their pockets or purses, and you could try to steal that and be called the Sneezy Stalker.

sje

I love this fuckin' board.

armchair_warrior

always mug drunken people right after they finish bar crawling. easy marks.

metulj

Here's an idea: Instead of stealing from people, give them some annoying thing that you seem to collect a lot of. We have so many fucking plastic bags from Key Foods it pains me to look at them. You could get a bunch of plastic grocery bags. Walk down the street or step out of corners with your billy club, grab up some mark and say "Bitch take these fuckin bags or I am gonna go pimp on your hipster ass"

armchair_warrior

metulj wrote: Here's an idea: Instead of stealing from people, give them some annoying thing that you seem to collect a lot of. We have so many fucking plastic bags from Key Foods it pains me to look at them. You could get a bunch of plastic grocery bags. Walk down the street or step out of corners with your billy club, grab up some mark and say "Bitch take these fuckin bags or I am gonna go pimp on your hipster ass"

nice idea. I likes the way you think.

vanilla

no more hipster comments!! AAHHHHHH!!!

isa, i think the mugging would be quite easy: people often tend to do exactly what they are told without question.

metulj

vanilla wrote: no more hipster comments!! AAHHHHHH!!!

isa, i think the mugging would be quite easy: people often tend to do exactly what they are told without question.

Sorry, I saw a pin stripe jacket and arm warmers on Vanderbilt this morning. Smoking Luckies too.

alafairnadia

metulj wrote: [quote=vanilla]no more hipster comments!! AAHHHHHH!!!

isa, i think the mugging would be quite easy: people often tend to do exactly what they are told without question.

Sorry, I saw a pin stripe jacket and arm warmers on Vanderbilt this morning. Smoking Luckies too.

I just heard someone at Tom's tell a woman "I'll meet you under my blanket". this nabe is a little sketchy. arm warmers and blankets? what's next? crystal meth in the bar bathroom?!?! mooney's "regulars" wearing diesel?? (oh wait, I saw that already, too, and mocked the dumb fuck)

pitu

metulj wrote: Here's an idea: Instead of stealing from people, give them some annoying thing that you seem to collect a lot of. We have so many fucking plastic bags from Key Foods it pains me to look at them. You could get a bunch of plastic grocery bags. Walk down the street or step out of corners with your billy club, grab up some mark and say "Bitch take these fuckin bags or I am gonna go pimp on your hipster ass"

I nominate you for late night poop patrol.

metulj

pitu wrote: [quote=metulj]Here's an idea: Instead of stealing from people, give them some annoying thing that you seem to collect a lot of. We have so many fucking plastic bags from Key Foods it pains me to look at them. You could get a bunch of plastic grocery bags. Walk down the street or step out of corners with your billy club, grab up some mark and say "Bitch take these fuckin bags or I am gonna go pimp on your hipster ass"

I nominate you for late night poop patrol.

Why do you think we keep them? I still fry on the inside everytime that woman with the Rottweiler on Butler shits her dog on the sidewalk and walks away from it. We told her to clean it up once when she did it and she told my wife that "you people should clean it up because you people are the ones who made the dog curb laws." huh?

I will donate my bags to any dog shit patrol, but I do my share on my dog's end, so to speak.

emily

To digress briefly on the topic of armwarmers and hipsterism, what counts as armwarmers? Long fingerless gloves like this? Things that are like plain legwarmers, only for your arms?

My sister-in-law has discovered the world of Victorian-era knitting, you see, and as a historical costume junky, I'm right there with her. She's already made me one pair of muffatees and I'm interested in making some undersleeves. Would these items make me a hipster? Bear in mind that the rest of my attire is distinctly dorky and the last time we got dragged to a hipster bar by friends, these three 22-year-old guys were laughing at us behind their drinks.

armchair_warrior

metulj wrote: [quote=vanilla]no more hipster comments!! AAHHHHHH!!!

isa, i think the mugging would be quite easy: people often tend to do exactly what they are told without question.

Sorry, I saw a pin stripe jacket and arm warmers on Vanderbilt this morning. Smoking Luckies too.

people are sheep. hehe you give me some money. guy would just rip out their wallets without thinking its not a mugging .

candicissima

EmilyM wrote: To digress briefly on the topic of armwarmers and hipsterism, what counts as armwarmers? Long fingerless gloves like this? Things that are like plain legwarmers, only for your arms?

My sister-in-law has discovered the world of Victorian-era knitting, you see, and as a historical costume junky, I'm right there with her. She's already made me one pair of muffatees and I'm interested in making some undersleeves. Would these items make me a hipster? Bear in mind that the rest of my attire is distinctly dorky and the last time we got dragged to a hipster bar by friends, these three 22-year-old guys were laughing at us behind their drinks.

NOT hipster for sure. That's a good thing, remember?

But, I really came to ask the culprit of this post on Curbed:

20.
If you live on the Vanderbilt Ave side of Plaza St, then you probably own or rent in a Co-op, right? No matter, we ex-Decepticons are waiting for your ass in G.A.P. with rotten eggs and bag of dead pigeons, bitch. Deceptz all out the house!

By Plaza St As Well at January 3, 2006 03:20 PM

to come forward to get a "well done!"

armchair_warrior

metulj wrote: [quote=pitu][quote=metulj]Here's an idea: Instead of stealing from people, give them some annoying thing that you seem to collect a lot of. We have so many fucking plastic bags from Key Foods it pains me to look at them. You could get a bunch of plastic grocery bags. Walk down the street or step out of corners with your billy club, grab up some mark and say "Bitch take these fuckin bags or I am gonna go pimp on your hipster ass"

I nominate you for late night poop patrol.

Why do you think we keep them? I still fry on the inside everytime that woman with the Rottweiler on Butler shits her dog on the sidewalk and walks away from it. We told her to clean it up once when she did it and she told my wife that "you people should clean it up because you people are the ones who made the dog curb laws." huh?

I will donate my bags to any dog shit patrol, but I do my share on my dog's end, so to speak.

you should donate the shit bags . after helping htem pickup their crap. and follow them home and throw it at their front door steps . or just the info of where they live and post it all over the place.

armchair_warrior

EmilyM wrote: To digress briefly on the topic of armwarmers and hipsterism, what counts as armwarmers? Long fingerless gloves like this? Things that are like plain legwarmers, only for your arms?

My sister-in-law has discovered the world of Victorian-era knitting, you see, and as a historical costume junky, I'm right there with her. She's already made me one pair of muffatees and I'm interested in making some undersleeves. Would these items make me a hipster? Bear in mind that the rest of my attire is distinctly dorky and the last time we got dragged to a hipster bar by friends, these three 22-year-old guys were laughing at us behind their drinks.

when you get them, you could legally tell guys when they walk by governor for the hell out of it.

metulj

Candicissima wrote:

But, I really came to ask the culprit of this post on Curbed:

20.
If you live on the Vanderbilt Ave side of Plaza St, then you probably own or rent in a Co-op, right? No matter, we ex-Decepticons are waiting for your ass in G.A.P. with rotten eggs and bag of dead pigeons, bitch. Deceptz all out the house!

By Plaza St As Well at January 3, 2006 03:20 PM

to come forward to get a "well done!"

It was me.

candicissima

metulj wrote: It was me.

The dead pigeons totally gave it away! *slow clap*

metulj

Candicissima wrote: [quote=metulj]It was me.

The dead pigeons totally gave it away! *slow clap*

Well I tried to combine three of my all-time favorite threads into one snarky comment. The effect was satisfying -- to me at least.