H.A.M.: Stevie Nicks Turns 60! Win Vinyl And A Ham!!

the yarn monkey

Wednesday April 18, 2007
Humans Against Music
Sing the songs of Stevie Nicks and win vinyl, a 40 oz. canned ham, and other mediocre prizes!

This Arizona alto turns 60 on May 26, in earthly years that means she's closer to 450! This is not a contest, it's a competitive musical blood sport. Ms. Nicks is credited for the trend of wearing Baby's Breath in prom hair and the popularity of gauze strap dresses. She also made girls with low voices really, really hot.

The competition is gonna be stiff so dust off the shawl and sharpen up that tambourine. One young woman was quoted as saying "No f****n' way! You don't f****n' understand! I got the hair!!" Would you kiss Stevie with that mouth?

Explore the many moods of Stevie!
- Stop Draggin' My Heart Around (an angry breakup song)
- Leather N' Lace (a tender breakup song)
- Landslide (a Lindsey Buckingham breakup song)
- Stand Back (a princess breakup song)
- Sarah (a princess song)
- Rhiannon (a Norse princess song)
- Gypsy (a hippie princess song)
- Dreams (a rehab song)

MEDIOCRE PRIZES!
The Stevie Nicks Prize: "Rumor's" vinyl album (announced at 11:00)
First Prize: 48 oz porcine pleasure packed in it's own juices (announced at 12:00)
Second Prize: Musical Chinese hand-massage balls! Balls!
Third Prize: Post-its!!!! Woooo hoooo!

Large fan available for Gypsy-style hair blowing effect, but bring your own tambourine and please absolutely NO GLITTER! We have more new songs too, but you'll have to show up to find out what they are.

Join the Big Bohemian ending at 12:30

Humans Against Music
@ Freddy's Back Room
Wednesday April 18, 2007
From 9:3-ish to 12:30 there and abouts
485 Dean Street (6 Ave + Dean)
www.freddysbackroom.com
www.karaokebigassham.com

josseleen

OMG -- SO looking forward to this!

Break out the tambourines!

(...you still got Living on a Prayer, right?)

the yarn monkey

Subject: Yes, we have no Bonjovi

Do we have "Living on a Prayer"?

Does Gina work the diner all day, working for her man, does she bring home her pay for love? for love? Yes, Gina in fact does, and we in fact do. Rock on, josseleen.

Also hosting again this month is Heather "H-Bomb" McCabe! Thanks again lady H!

Bill C. is out next Wednesday night fighting crime. Disguised as a 12-piece jug band he will be playing at Rodeo Bar at 10:00 PM. The Riddler won't see that coming.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Stevei Nicks Facts

One man wrote in:
"I've been trying to get myself into that Stevie Nicks frame of mind, but I can only twirl in flats".

Fella, I know what you mean, I have low arches myself. Here's some handy Stevie Nicks trivia to help you out of that rut.

SONG FACT: Did you know that Stevie Nicks originally wrote "Leather N' Lace" for Walen Jennings and Jessie Colter? But by the time Nicks finished the demo, Jennings and Colter were headed toward divorce. With all her Gypsy might she called Jennings and said "Waylon, only 4 people in this world could sing this song: you and Jessie, or myself and Don Henley. "

Soon a moment was born in song. Later she dumped Don Henley for not correcting her missuse of a reflexive pronoun, only to reunite with Lindsey Buckingham, who she later dumped again for his annoying use of the phrase "This is for you and I."

Microphone & Tambourine
Stevie Nicks is known for her use of the Sennheiser MD-441-U. Also synonymous with Nicks's microphone are the items she chooses to decorate her microphone stand with. Over the years, such items have included roses, ribbons, chiffon, crystal beads, scarves and small stuffed animals. Nicks stated that she began playing the tambourine upon joining Fleetwood Mac in 1975. Like her microphone, her tambourine usually features scarves and/or streamers. Stevie's trademark tamboruine is shaped like a black half-moon.

Spoooooky!

Take the SNAT
Have you rated your Stevie Nicks trivia? Take this simple online quiz the Stevie Nicks Aptitude Test, for those in the know, SNAT.

Answers: Stevie Nicks Bio and Discography
Click Here for more answers to all your Stevie Nicks questions.

sarah k

Currently adding new ribbons to my tambouquet...

the yarn monkey

Subject: Rumors Vinyl

Sara(h) K, you just might be the lucky the winner of this!



Fleetwood Mac: Rumors
This modern-day anitque was found fully intact in a large construction dumpster on Montgomery Place. It's pristine condition is due to the fact that it was sandwiched between "Bat Out Of Hell" and "Frampton Comes Alive". I later heard that its harried disposal was due to an unfriendly divorce, which explained the burnt and shredded leather jacket hanging from the dumpster.

According to the liner notes, "Rumors" was published in 1977 by Warner Bros. Records, produced by Fleetwood Mac with the help of Richard Dashut and Ken Caillat. The provocative cover is the collabarative work of Fleetwood Mac, Desmond Strobel (designer), Herbert Worthington (photographer), and Larry Vidon (typographer).

Joining the band in 1974, Stevie Nicks was already a 3-year veteran when this album debuted. "Rumors" memorable hits include Don't Stop, Dreams, Go Your Own Way, and You Make Loving Fun.

sarah k

apollonia666

Dang. Wish I could be there, but my own show is that night!

Here's me at Night of 1000 Stevies a few years ago:



Note the white eyeshadow "coke" about my nostrils. I'm all about authenticity.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Got Balls?

I see the pre-game posturing has begun, my work here is done.

Sarah K, you own one of those? That's like slapping Stevie (and her pet wolf) every time you play! That's a bummer apollonia666, you will be missed. Good luck with your show. Great photo though, I like the white eye-shadow. That costume takes balls.

[Segway Here]

The Boading Iron Hollow Ball For Health



A few people have asked about the second prize: "Chinese Massage Balls". Here are answers to the most popular questions.
Answer 1: No, they do not go into any part of your body.
Answer 2: They do not go into your friend's body either.
Answer 3: This will not save your marriage.
Answer 4: No, that's Japanese.

The use of the Boading Iron Balls (aka "Chinese Massage Balls") dates back to the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644). According the manual you hold both of your balls in one hand and rotate them past each other in a circular motion. Alternate clockwise and counter-clockwise directions. Do not squeeze your balls, you might hurt your hand. You will hear a satisfying humming sound when you build up the proper speed of rotation. Doing this daily will not harm you.

This ancient practice is called "Jingluo", the precursor of acupuncture. By passing your balls over the nerves and tendons of your hand repeatedly, you will stimuate the health of your major organs. This is usually not done in public. When not used for long periods of time, coat your balls with wax or grease and store away properly in their case.

bill c

wish i could be there for this one . . . don't know if you are aware of this but Mr. Loaf has finally recorded "Bat Out of Hell 3"

the yarn monkey

Subject: More Loaf!!!

bill c wrote: wish i could be there for this one . . . don't know if you are aware of this but Mr. Loaf has finally recorded "Bat Out of Hell 3"

Wow, Bat Out of Hell 3? As if "2" weren't enough. More Bat, more Loaf. Good luck at Rodeo Bar on Wednesday night, Bill C. Too bad you'll miss the "Steviepolusa" and other musical treasures.

Last month one young man wrote in: "Ulysses went to the underworld. I'm only singing if you have 'Tales of Brave Ulysses' by Cream."

"You thought the leaden winter would bring you down forever?" Well we didn't let your down, Pensodyssey, your Eric Clapton dreams have come true. We also have a few more hit-or-miss tunes this month which include:

- Guantanamera by Pete Seeger
A song about a pre-terrorist-detainee Cuban, made popular by a white hippie activist.
- Jolene by Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton confronts an auburn haired man-stealer to the tune of "Ghost Riders In the Sky".
- Ghost Riders (In The Sky) in the Style of Johnny Cash
A Fuastian tale, Johnny Cash confronts a song-stealing Dolly Parton and warns her of a doomed music career of covers and duets.
- Living On A Prayer by Bonjovi
A blue collar tale of Tommy, a dockworker/musician, and Gina, a hard working waitress as sung by a South Jersey hair band
- Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush
Kate Bush makes a deal with God to swap places. God launches a hit album and Kate Bush get's blamed for gay priests.
- Born In The U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen
This Garden State anthem rhymes Khe Shan, Viet Cong, Gone and Siagon all in one verse! GENIUS!!!

Oh, there is more, but you'll have to hear for yourself.

splunge

bill c wrote: wish i could be there for this one . . . don't know if you are aware of this but Mr. Loaf has finally recorded "Bat Out of Hell 3"

Bat Out of Hell III [b/c in Hell they use roman numerals, you know] was released on Halloween 2006.

http://www.batoutofhell3.com

btw, jim steinman turns 60 on november 1 and mr. loaf himself turns 60 on september 27. not that i'm suggesting anything.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Next Month

Next month's "Tri-state Trilogy of Terror" is already complete. But Marvin Aday, aka Meatloaf, will make the perfect complement to the evening, just as Drambuie is the perfect companion to a DWI. Rock on Marvin, you septagenerain siren!

the yarn monkey

Subject: Would Mi'lady fancy a turkey leg?

Any ideas for the "Brooklyn Renaissance Fair"? We need not go midieval. Pat Benetar (born, Patricia Andrzejewski) is from Greenpoint Brooklyn. That must have inspired "Love Is A Battlefield".

bill c

glad the long wait for BOOHIII is over.


"why must i be a septegenarian in love" is tuli kupferberg's latest moment of genius.

splunge

Subject: Re: Would Mi'lady fancy a turkey leg?

That Yarn Guy wrote: Any ideas for the "Brooklyn Renaissance Fair"? We need not go midieval. Pat Benetar (born, Patricia Andrzejewski) is from Greenpoint Brooklyn. That must have inspired "Love Is A Battlefield".

off the top of my head, the brooklyn-born include neil diamond!! barry manilow! lou reed! harry nilsson! harry chapin! and, of course, barbra.

so, mandy, you heartbreaker, because you don’t bring me flowers anymore, I’m going take a walk on the wild side and jump into the fire. [i'm pretending that "cat's in the cradle" doesn't exist.]

you want to go rap and hip-hop, you have tupac, lil' kim, jay-z and i think biggie smalls, too. foxy brown, maybe, we can beat up nail technicians and beauty supply store clerks in her honor.

and, of course, steve lawrence and eydie gorme. although i think eydie was actually from manhattan. but i know steve looooves turkey legs. and juggling and renaissance mimes.

the yarn monkey

Sounds like a plan, maybe we'll tie that into the Celelbrate Brooklyn theme. I'm sure BAM wouldn't mind.

One person asked: "If Stevie Nicks turns 60 on May 26, why are you celebrating it this month?"

Answer: Feh. That's all I can say. Feh, peh heh.

Fabulous Mediocre Prizes!
Well, hope to see you all tonight. Heather "H-Bomb" McCabe will be a little late but I'll be there at 9:30-ish to get things going. People can sing songs from the regular list throughout the entire evening. Canned HAM prize is annouced at 12:30. Second and third prizes will be awarded throughout the evening. Join in on the big Bohemian ending.

Here's the game plan for Steviepolusa.
Stevie Nicks activities start at 10:00 and end at 11:30. Crowd votes by appluase for the best Stevie Nicks at 11:30. NOTE: There's no booing or trash-talk, save that for the Spelling Bee. Participants will be judged on the uniqueness and authenticity of their performance.
Prize: "Rumors" vinyl.

All Participants:
- must announce themselves to host with song ticket in hand and be Stevie-Nicks-ready.
- must bring their own tambourine (ribbons/dried flowers optional). Shoddy tricks like glitter throwing and coke-blowing will call for immediate disqualification.
- may repeat songs already performed. But warning, scientists suspect that four repeats of "Landslide" have direct links to epilepsy.
- are allowed to squeeze their voice boxes with their hands to simulate that haunting Stevie Nicks vocalization.

You must be present and conscious to collect your prize.

joanjettofarc

I WISH I WOULD HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE NOW.


how can one prepare with such short notice?

i will most likely still be in attendance.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Can the child within my heart, rise above??

JoanJettofArc wrote: how can one prepare with such short notice?

Can the child within my heart, rise above?
Can I sail through the changing, ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons, of my life?

This is what Stevie Nicks used to do to prepare for one of her concerts.
Step 1: Sleep with the entire band two weeks ahead
Step 2: Sleep with the roadies
Step 3: Coke-out and then break up with the band

Or was i thinking of Madona.. Hmm [ponder]. Anyhow, no one can ever prepare to be Stevie Nicks.

We have an MP3 laptop chock-full o' voiceless tracks and printed lyrics (please return them) for you at this low-fi affair. There's no bouncing ball nor are there weird videos of people running on the beach out of context. If you're not Stevie-Nicks ready you can sing any of our 375 GETOUT!! songs. Click Here for our song list and so much more.

You just might win a canned ham.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Bummer! They took our little Xp thing away. sigh.

This is your captain speaking. We have departed from HAM International en route to Park Slope, Sunset Park and Denver. We ask that you observe the No Smoking sign and remain fastened to your seats at this time. As we bid a fond goodbye to Steviepolusa, your air-hostess, Heather “H-Bomb” McCabe and I would like to give a shout out to few passengers.

To TommyBGoode, our guest from Philly, everyone wants to be your “Teacher’s Pet”, thanks for leading us out with the Big Bohemian Ending. Check out his project Bad Cover Theater.

Welcome Trevor (and friends), “Jolene” will not steal your man away. Pensodyssey, your “My Life / Tales of Brave Ulysses / Jack And Diane” medley was simply epic! Sweet Tea, that burning is an "Eternal Flame" and you were Bangelicious! To Old-Wrinkled-P****, “Diamonds Are Forever” and ever, and ever. Try the “Guantanamera”, it’s delicious.

To our Steviepolusa prize winner, Coco, enjoy the “Rumors” album and the liner notes. Your windswept version of Stand Back and Leather N’ Lace were beyond vinyl worthy! The Spelling Bee also thanks you for donating your earlier prize, Chinese Massage Balls. Again, these do not go into any part of your body.

And finally, to our Krakus Canned Ham winner, Sarah K. You took down “Rhiannon” just as a 1977 republican would take down a flower-sportin’ hippie. Kudos! You also gave Stevie Nicks something she’s never had before: audible legibility. Here’s a quick simple recipe for Eileen's Glazed Ham in a Bag. Keep canned ham refrigerated for safe storage. BTW, you left your black lace shawl tied to the mike stand. I dropped it off at Perk. Cheers dear!

As we fly over Grand Army Plaza, we hope you found your stay in Prospect Heights enjoyable, memorable and unaffected by the Atlantic Yards scandal. We hope you enjoyed the mediocre prizes. Let’s hear it for the Vernado 550 Total FX wind machine. It makes everyone feel like a windswept rock star. See you all next month.