HAM: Sing the 007 Movie Themes and Win Mediocre Prizes!

the yarn monkey

Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Humans Against Music
Sing the Themes from James Bond Movies and Win Mediocre Prizes and a Canned Ham!

Say dozo yoroshko to song master Kro Kei Sung, your honorable guest leader of lyric and notorious ninja of nitelife. This month Master Kro Kei Sung kicks-off this ancient musical bloodsport with the many songs of James Bond. Well, just the songs with words otherwise the entire evening is just pointless. Anyhow, here’s what we have on the menu for June:

Goldfinger (1964) Villainous Goldfinger plans to explode a nuclear device implanted in Shirley Bassey to create chaos. He also plans to blow up Fort Knox.

Thunderball (1965) A NATO bomber and its nuclear payload is hijacked to the Bahamas into a secret under water cave by SPECTRE, an evil group that steals nuclear stuff. British agent James Bond and Tom Jones do battle with evil forces.

You Only Live Twice (1967) Agent 007 and the Japanese secret ninja force must find and stop the true culprit of a series of “space-jackings”. Before nuclear war is provoked, Nancy Sinatra makes her last musical comeback.

space-jacking? Is that a real word?

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) A villain steals Shirley Bassey’s massive jewelry collection to create a mongo-huge-super-powered laser pointer. It is up to James Bond to spoil this evil plan before it is pointed at the moon.

Live and Let Die (1973) British Agent 007 must stop a diabolically brilliant heroin maven, Paul McCartney, armed with a complex organization and a reliable psychic-vegan Tarot Card reader (Linda McCartney).

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) James Bond get behoovey in this classic spy tale. He ventures not only into the depths of the ocean but into the deep topic of betrayal and morality of Carly Simon’s unamicable divorce from James Taylor.

Moonraker (1979) Secret Agent Bond investigates the mid-air theft of a space shuttle and discovers Shirley Bassey’s clever plot to commit global genocide with another ear-pierceing “Back to Broadway” album. She must be stopped!

For Your Eyes Only (1981) What? A British encryption device is lost again? Holy Crap! Only Secret Agent 007 can prevent this encrypted thingy from falling into enemy hands of Scotish villainesse Sheena Easton.

A View to a Kill (1985) A horse-racing scam leads to the discovery of the mad industrialist group, Duran Duran and their evil plot to create a microchip that will slowly destroy Silicon Valley by playing their songs repeatedly over 9k baud modem.


MEDIOCRE PRIZES!
First Prize: 48 oz porcine pleasure packed in it's own juices
Second Prize: A fine selection of condiments
Third Prize: Stuff! GoldBond Powder, stop the itch!

Join the Big Bohemian ending at 12:30. We have over 300 GET-OUT! voiceless tracks, but you'll have to show up and hear for yourself.

Humans Against Music
@ Freddy's Back Room
Wednesday June 20, 2007
From 9:3-ish to 12:30 there and abouts
485 Dean Street (6 Ave + Dean)
http://www.freddysbackroom.com
http://www.karaokebigassham.com

pensodyssey

Bond night? Graham Bond? Gary "U.S." Bonds? Is a box of Gold Bond Medicated Powder one of the prizes?

Anyway, I'm only coming if you have Maxine Nightingale's "Right back where we started from".

the yarn monkey

Maxine Nightingale's? No way she's the devil!

But we do have Glen Campbell's "Wichita Lineman". For this duet you need someome to make the "do-do-do-do-do" lineman sound.

pensodyssey

The only Glen Campbell song I will agree to sing is "Southern Nights". If you download it, I will come.

emily

It is my personal opinion that alafairnadia should definitely attend this event.

the yarn monkey

I think alafarinadia and carnivore should attend. If they can make it to a Les Sans Culottes gig, they can easily do this.

I like the GoldBond Powder idea, soothing and cool, like James Bond. Let me ponder that idea while you take this short yet informative online James Bond Trvia Quiz.

bill c

i prefer the allen toussaint rendition of "southern nights."

i'm gonna pick up the ramones karaoke cd as a bonus. bond's third rule is ... don't talk to commies.

the yarn monkey

I found pensodyssey's request for "Southern Nights" but it came package with "May It Be", the love theme from Lord of the Rings.

It's true Bill C., sound-alikes are endless.

SEGWAY HERE

Speaking of which, does anyone know who these two look-alikes are (below)?







Clue: Neither of these bad guys are Chinese.

bill c

pretty sure the guy on the left is forrest, former o'c's bartender and actor/ model.

the yarn monkey

Subject: The Answer

bill c wrote: pretty sure the guy on the left is forrest, former o'c's bartender and actor/ model.

You were very very close Bill C., but Forest (God rest his soul) was not acting, he really was scary!

The man on the left is Hawaii-50's villain Wo Fat played by none other than New Jersey born Khigh Dhiegh. Dhiegh (pronounced "deeh") first aqppeared in the Hawaii-50 pilot and then 14 other epiodes. Altough he was American born from Anglo-Egyptian-Sudanese descent, his acting career landed him other Asian roles in: Khan!, Kung Fu, Mission Impossible, Noble House, The Manchurian Candidate, and of course M.A.S.H., where he played every single Korean on the show with the help of make-up and split-lens technology.

The evil right-hand man is Odd Job, Goldfinger's mute henchman. This role was played Toshiyuki "Harold" Sakata. Not trained formally as an actor, the athletic Mr. Sakata won a Silver Medal in weightlifting in the 1948 London Summer Olympics. Pro-westling fans might also remember him as Tosh Togo, the salt-throwing "bad guy" pro-wrestle. Harold Sakata was Japanese Hawaiian.

I know, people ask me all the time: "What makes a Japanese or Anglo-Egyptian-Sudanese person different from a Chinaman?". I'm not the expert, but I think Chinese people come from China.

pensodyssey

That may be so, but do they also have decent Korean BBQ in China? Or do you have to go to Japan for that?

bill c

Have to check if the ramone's karaoke disc has dee dee's "chinese rocks."

pensodyssey

And Dee Dee's "53rd and 3rd".

the yarn monkey

Bill C., are you going to share your Ramone's Karaoke or is that private stock for now?

I think think Chinese rocks are called jade, or maybe they're called locks. Hmmm, I'll ponder how wrong that was.

Pen, according the my map of Flushing, Queens, they in fact do but they will never admit to it until foreign trade relations are better. Do the Japanese have Bar-B-Q? My Hibachi came from China.

bill c

i'm sharing the ramone's cd. in my part of china there is still no private property.

D & D Ramone

karl the druid

Subject: quena amin Quenya

linda amin Quenya ten' llie

/*sinome yesta lle*/

aa' nauva ta lome’ elen
siluva dad no' lle
aa' nauva ta iire morier tula
cormle nauva poika
lle vana ereb no' malle'
haenen, eskale nauva tuulo' lle

mornie utúlië
lle dura en lle utuva menlle
mornie alantië
vesta coie yasse-ne lle sii'

haenen eskale, nauva tuulo' lle

/*sinome tyela lle*/

sinome auta llie

seere tuulo' karl taur'amandil

the yarn monkey

You know, high Elvish is always a topic killer.

SEGWAY

Speaking of killers, can you name this future James Bond bad guy? Don't be fooled by that sweet award winning smile.

bill c

i seem to recall a strong catalogue of elvish presley songs.

the yarn monkey

Subject: The Answer

Along with ELVish Presly, we also have Bj-ORC and HOBBIT Seger.

Well times up. If you haven't figured out who this spring-tailed little guy grew up to be, here's the answer.



Why it's none other than actor Richard Dawson Keil. At seven foot and two inches he is best known for playing the steely-mouthed villain Jaws from Bond films The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker. But in real life Kiel is known as a sweet gentle father of three. This Motor City native was born on September 13, 1939. His acting credits include Happy Gilmore, Pale Rider, Wild Wild West, and regular appearances on television's Twilight Zone, I Dream of Jeannie, and The Monkees.

Also a talented writer/producer, Keil produced and starred in the The Paul Bunyan Show (1963). In the early 90's he co-wrote The Giant of Thunder Moutian. Kiel's current project is screenplay about "Cassius Clay" and rumor has it that he has plans of remaking Big, Big Fish, Giant, The Iron Giant, Land of the Giants, Titanic, and Jaws.

Click Here for more Richard Keil Facts

the yarn monkey

Subject: The Bond Girls

In the end Bond always gets his girl, or to they actually get him? Can you name these villianous vixens and good girls (above)? Ahhh, the Bond Girls: Honey Rider, Mary Good Night, Pussy Galore, Holly Goodhead, Molly Warmflash, each women is as sexy and mysterious as the Bond movie themes.

SEGWAY

In addition to the James Bond themes we have many haunting (if not sexy) classics from film and television. Here are a few:
- 9 to 5 in the style of Dolly Parton, from 9 to 5
- America (They're Comin' To) in the style of Neil Diamond from The Jazz Singer
- Call Me in the style of Blondie from American Gigolo
- Coal Miners Daugther in the style of Loretta Lynn from Coal Miner's Daughter
- Do You Know in the style of Diana Ross Mahogony
- Don't You forget About Me in the style of Simple Minds The Breakfast Club
- Eye Of The Tiger in the style of Survivor from Rocky III
- Fame in the style of Irene Cara from Fame
- I Will Always Love You in the style of Dolly Parton from The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas
- Our Way in the style of Cindy Greco from Laverne and Shirley
- May It Be in the style of Enya from Lord Of The Rings
- Moon River in the style of Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast At Tiffany's
- One Tin Soldier in the style of Coven from Billy Jack
- Spiderman in the style of Unknown from Spiderman
- The Crying Game in the style of Boy George from The Crying Game
- The Rose in the style of Bette Midler from The Rose
- Through The Eyes Of Love in the style of Melissa Manchester from Ice Castles
- To Sir With Love in the style of Lulu from To Sir With Love
- What A Feeling in the style of Irene Cara from Flash Dance
- What's New Pussycat in the style of Tom Jones from What's New Pusscat

the yarn monkey

Times up! From left to right these Bond beuties are:

Dangerous Diana Rigg as Teresa Di Vicenzo
in On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Menacing Maud Adams as Andrea Anders
in The Man With The Golden Gun

Saintly Jill St. John as Tiffany Case
in Diamonds Are Forever

There are too many of them to name, including Halle Berry, Denise Richards, Teri Hatcher, Tanya Roberts, the list goes on. For the full profiles of more Bond Girls CLICK HERE!

quijibo

will you have billy joel's "scenes from a chinese restaurant?"

the yarn monkey

A bottle of soy, a bottle of red? Perhaps a bottle of duck sauce instead?

Hey check out some of these Ramones tunes we just got in.
- Sheena Is a Punk Rocker
- Rock N' Roll High School
- KKK Took My Baby Away
- I Wanna Be Sedated

quijibo

audio/visual segway stage left...


2nd prize: spices?!? wtf..
is that street slang?

the yarn monkey

Not spices, condiments. They protect you from STDs.

bill c

more than slightly off topic but ... there is a rumored spice girls reunion. apparently sporty (aka mel c.) was the holdout. but the public has demanded it.

the yarn monkey

Everyone loves Old Spice. I have a better idea, why don't we challenge them to a Freddy's V Spice Girls softball game. We stand a good chance of winning if Sporty Spice is out.

Well, I ran into song master Kro Kei Sung, he was getting himself ready for Wednesday's Bond Night by chanting on a prayer rug. These Orientals (the rug) are so mysterious! He was very pysched.

All the the new songs are loaded onto the Karaoke 2000 laptop and our fabulous mediocre prizes are ready to go. For newbies, this singing blood sport is a low-tech adventure. We have no bouncing ball or videos of people runing on a beach. But we do have over 300 GET OUT! voiceless track and printed lyrics weaiting for you.

Your performance will be judged by guest host Master Kro Kei Sung and a team of Masons. First prize winner gets a Krakus canned ham. You must be present to collect your prize and you must sing to win. Hope to see you there.

carnivore

That Yarn Guy wrote: I think alafarinadia and carnivore should attend. If they can make it to a Les Sans Culottes gig, they can easily do this.

I like the GoldBond Powder idea, soothing and cool, like James Bond. Let me ponder that idea while you take this short yet informative online James Bond Trvia Quiz.

Unfortunately, I have to leave for work at 10pm that night, so I won't be able to make it.

pensodyssey

I've definitely decided not to come unless you add Barbara Lewis' "Baby I'm Yours".

the yarn monkey

Carnivore wrote: [Unfortunately, I have to leave for work at 10pm that night, so I won't be able to make it.

You're Batman aren't you. I've always suspected.

Pens, Barbara Lewis? Get out of town, Jackson! She's the devil!

the yarn monkey

Subject: The Many Bonds

There have been many men who've played James Bond: (left to right) Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and the latest Bond actor, Daniel Craig.



But who was George Lazenby (above)? Other than Bond new-comer Daniel Craig, Lazenby is the only actor that has done just one Bond film, On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969).

George Lazenby was born in Queanbeyan City, New South Wales, Australia on September 5, 1939. He came to England in 1964 to become a top male model. Lazenby at age 30 was the youngest actor to play James Bond. But he also had the shortest career playing the James Bond role. Without any prior acting experience, Lazenby soon developed tumultuous relationships on the set with producer Cubby Broccoli, director Peter Hunt, the make-up girl, the script guy, the set gaffer, the best boy, the woman that ran the donut truck, and many others. After On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Lazenby announced that he wouldn't do any more Bond films and was released from his contract before the movie premiered. Soon after that his agent left him.

He has since considered this a very very very very bad career move. He floundered for a while, doing cartoon voiceovers, Kung Fu films, and racing cars in California. He even flopped on drummer Keith Moon's couch for months. But this comeback kid has done OK. He owns mansions in Hawaii, Australia, and a 600 acre estate/ranch in Southern Caifornia where he keeps his 12 horses.

To learn more about the many James Bond actors Click Here.

Whew! I'm sooo outta material. Master Kro Kei Sung and I hope to see and or hear you all tonight.