Were your teenage girls getting Pedicures Nails Park Slope

lmboogie

I definitely wouldn't tell my daughter to wait until she's married, because frankly, I don't care if she ever gets married. I would just care that she's happy, and respects herself and her body

right on.

garfunky

i find it interesting that a post about girls who were publicly discusiing their promiscuity and lack of ability to remember who they were with, has turned into a " you go girl" kinda vibe.

Clearly , they are not being responsible if they cant remember any of their multiple partners from the previous evening.

To assume that such persons are actually practicing safe sex is akin to the emperors new clothes. If thats what you wish believe you are only fooling yourself.

Teenagers will be teenagers. But if from the time they are 6 years old they are being overly exposed to casual sexuality and mixed messages about drugs and drunkenness , there is a much higher chance they will either be dead teenagers or leave behind a crack addicted new born in a bathroom stall.

Even if they avoid such a pitfall, do u seriously think one of those barely remembered multiple partners actually respects one of those girls enough to marry her ???


I do know that ive felt somewhere between nauseous confused flattered ashamed and aroused on the occasions girls clearly in their teens have looked me up and down and smiled/said hello.

again this doesnt seem the least bit responsible on the teenagers part.
maybe i look 20 years younger than my actual age, but i somehow doubt this.

rose

Garfunky wrote: i find it interesting that a post about girls who were publicly discusiing their promiscuity and lack of ability to remember who they were with, has turned into a " you go girl" kinda vibe.

A lot of threads end up in a different place from where they started.

I don't think anyone condoned the behavior described in the original post.

But I also don't think that being promiscuous as a teenager means that a girl is "ruined" (as someone put it) or that no one will ever marry her.

sweet tea

1. interesting to look at when the verb "to marry" (with the direct object "her") is used, as opposed to the intransitive construction "to get married".

2. i'm certainly not arguing that teenagers aren't having more sex -- or at least maybe more kinds of sex -- now than at some utopian earlier period (okay, maybe i do wonder a little at the supposed extent of the difference -- supposedly pilgrim birth records show a high percentage of first babies born less than 9 months after their "virgin" parents married), but let's not forget the tendency to exaggerate these matters. teenage boys' bluffing about their conquests is accepted as common knowledge; maybe girls are doing more of that than they used to, since sex is generally seen as less shameful now.

3. i fully agree that there is a major media representation problem, as well stated earlier.

escap

Dollars to donuts half of those girls are still virgins and all of them were lying outright. Teenagers are nothing if not wild storytellers who crave attention and astonishment a lot more than honesty. Those tall tales say a lot more about those girls' insecurities and distorted values than they do about any actual events. Boys are not the only ones to gain social prestige from exaggerated (or outright fictional) locker room tales.

homeowner

I was talking to someone that runs a school in DC and she was relying a story told to her by a guidance counselor:

There are about 800 kids in the school. In the course of this year, she has counseled 37 girls who became pregnant during the course of the school year and decided to keep the babies, 20 girls who had abortions, and over 60 boys and girls who were diagnosed with STDs. And those were just the kids who were either referred to her by a teacher or came voluntarily.

At the beginning of the year she was given 1000 condoms to give out to anyone who wanted them. At the end of the year the majority of the condoms were still in her office. The girls refused to take condoms giving two main reasons for not using them:

1) The boys that they were involved with would not wear them and would "break up" with them if they insisted on protected sex.

2) They did not want the boys to think they were loose or "dirty".

Now this is an inner-city school that has a 100% minority population of mostly working class kids, so it may not be a perfect parallel to the middle and upper-middle class kids in PS. But I think there is a whole lot of naïveté on this board if you think that these girls are making up stories about unprotected sex.

mixergirl

I just want to write something positive about the "inner city" (hate that phrase) kids that I work with as a high school social worker. They are MUCH more responsible about sex and relationships than myself or any of my friends were in high school (Vermont). I give out condoms on a very regular basis and when I ask students if they use them, they usually respond with "of course". Yes, some of my students have gotten STDs or have been pregnant, but my impression is that most of them are MORE responsible than some of the privileged teenagers that went to high school with and know.

garfunky

sweet tea wrote: 1. interesting to look at when the verb "to marry" (with the direct object "her") is used, as opposed to the intransitive construction "to get married".

:roll: :!:

if my wife and i had known each other in high school,
and if it was well known (or i bragged about ) not remembering any of my multiple partners from the previous evening as a result of excessive drug use /alcohol abuse,

im 100% certain she would not have married me.

respectfully suggest you dicuss your semantics issues with a professional.

escap

Homeowner, I'm not suggesting that no teenagers are having sex, or unprotected sex. Far from it. But it's usually the case the the kids with the loudest mouths have the least to say. Of course I'm just speculating and don't know for sure, but these girls were clearly enjoying being something of a public spectacle, and regaling their friends with the lurid details. Often the kids who are really doing it keep their mouth shut. Again, I obviously don't really know in this particular case; I'm just saying we should take these kinds of stories with a grain of salt, because there is absolutely no doubt that kids tend to lie and exaggerate quite a bit.

homeowner

escap wrote: I'm just saying we should take these kinds of stories with a grain of salt, because there is absolutely no doubt that kids tend to lie and exaggerate quite a bit.

I can't argue with you on that point. Regarding lurid high school sex, the truth probably lies somewhere in between bjs and hummers and WWJD.

doublediamond

Garfunky wrote: i find it interesting that a post about girls who were publicly discusiing their promiscuity and lack of ability to remember who they were with, has turned into a " you go girl" kinda vibe.

Garfunky, you need to review the entire thread. You're taking the last few posts out of context. No one is high fiving each other over promiscuity.

filmlover44

doublediamond wrote: [quote=Garfunky]i find it interesting that a post about girls who were publicly discusiing their promiscuity and lack of ability to remember who they were with, has turned into a " you go girl" kinda vibe.

Garfunky, you need to review the entire thread. You're taking the last few posts out of context. No one is high fiving each other over promiscuity.

Uh, yeah. Garfunky :?: Where did you get that from? I think that you misread.

On another note doubled, your avatar is a hoot!

dakotas way

It's a misconception that teenagers don't need the parents around. It's really quite the opposite, whether the kids like it or not.
I've raised two children who are now in their 20's and what we did was make our house the hangout place. Keep them close to you to see what's up and try to stay ahead of whatever they may be planning. You'll never keep ahead of teenagers...they're quite cunning, you know.
But having their friends over and knowing where they are is very helpful. And you can hear so much in their conversations so you get some idea where their heads are at.
It always amazes me when I see parents of 2-3 year olds who are screaming and making a total scene in a store and the mother just goes ahead and gives the kid what it wants just to shut it up.
All I say to my husband is "Wait until that one is a teenager. They're going to be so sorry they never said no." It's alot easier to give in than to plow ahead and stand by your word when you've said they can't have or do something.
But that's what will make them adults that can deal with people, jobs and situations. Not the freaked out brats who thinks the world revolves around them.
And being grounded (not in the "you can't go out sense") will encourage them have better self esteen and not fall into the sex at too early an age to fit in with the kids from school.
The parents need to be involved is what it all boils down to. And thats not just handing them a cell phone and saying "don't be late getting home."

nubnu

dakotas way wrote: It's a misconception that teenagers don't need the parents around. It's really quite the opposite, whether the kids like it or not.
I've raised two children who are now in their 20's and what we did was make our house the hangout place. Keep them close to you to see what's up and try to stay ahead of whatever they may be planning. You'll never keep ahead of teenagers...they're quite cunning, you know.
But having their friends over and knowing where they are is very helpful. And you can hear so much in their conversations so you get some idea where their heads are at.
It always amazes me when I see parents of 2-3 year olds who are screaming and making a total scene in a store and the mother just goes ahead and gives the kid what it wants just to shut it up.
All I say to my husband is "Wait until that one is a teenager. They're going to be so sorry they never said no." It's alot easier to give in than to plow ahead and stand by your word when you've said they can't have or do something.
But that's what will make them adults that can deal with people, jobs and situations. Not the freaked out brats who thinks the world revolves around them.
And being grounded (not in the "you can't go out sense") will encourage them have better self esteen and not fall into the sex at too early an age to fit in with the kids from school.
The parents need to be involved is what it all boils down to. And thats not just handing them a cell phone and saying "don't be late getting home."

bravo!
i could not agree more!

brooklynpotter

this is all very nice and well-intentioned, but shit happens that changes your lives, and your kids' lives, and there's not a whole lot you can do about it: they witness bad things, bad things happen to their friends, bad things happen to parents. they're teenagers so they're awkward, or feel ugly, or have bad hair, or they're too tall or too short. and no matter how much you love them and protect them and do whatever it is to help them have high self esteem and feel safe and cared for, your work doesn't always work.

you won't always understand what they need. you won't always be able to fix what's broken, or not. and i think, as a parent--even though i'm not one, i just talk about mine in therapy on a constant basis--that you do the best you can with what you have and you hope for an exceptional outcome.

and children aren't all cookie cutter images, so you can hope that your house is the hang-out house (and i think that's great, btw) but you can't be sure that's what your child needs or wants.

and teens don't always have sex, or seek friends (or the wrong friends), to fit in. sometimes they're lonely and they want companionship. sometimes they don't feel normal no matter how much you try to make them feel that way. sex can be a very powerful way to feel pretty or loved or less lonely, no matter how much you tell your teen they are loved, pretty, etc.

i'm not saying it's doomed, but just that there are things in the world you can't control. and each person needs different things. that love and affirmations and encouragement isn't always enough. and that i don't think that troubled/difficult/sexually active kids always have bad parents.

rose

That is very well put, BP. I think a really hard thing about parenting is that you have to try to do your very best, as imperfect as it may be, while also accepting that you can't control the outcome. I think that people start to detach from their kids when the second part of that becomes clear.

filmlover44

Rose wrote: That is very well put, BP. I think a really hard thing about parenting is that you have to try to do your very best, as imperfect as it may be, while also accepting that you can't control the outcome. I think that people start to detach from their kids when the second part of that becomes clear.

Indeed, and I've found that to be the hardest part of parenting. It's difficult and it's scary but it has to be done!

P.S. My "baby" graduated from High School yesterday!

wtgirl

I think DW is right in that parenting doesn't stop at 4. Teenagers are KIDS and they still need rules, parameters, CURFEWS, guidelines of told what is acceptable and what is not. I think it is strange that these PS parents didn't realize their daughters are out there emulating Paris Hilton. Teenagers can be sly and no parent will know everything (nor should they, part of being a teen is a bonding with the tribe and increased privacy). But how the hell could the parents not have an inkling that their daughters are out there partying and having anonymous sex etc.? I realize we are all busy and family life slips through the cracks but I do think teens still need some kind of distant supervision.

jamzer

Frankly I don't care who these girls are screwing, blowing, rubbing, or whatever. What I do mind if having to listen to this garbage while I am getting my cuticles cut. Can't a guy get his nails done in peace??

brooklynpotter

WTGirl wrote: I think DW is right in that parenting doesn't stop at 4. Teenagers are KIDS and they still need rules, parameters, CURFEWS, guidelines of told what is acceptable and what is not. I think it is strange that these PS parents didn't realize their daughters are out there emulating Paris Hilton. Teenagers can be sly and no parent will know everything (nor should they, part of being a teen is a bonding with the tribe and increased privacy). But how the hell could the parents not have an inkling that their daughters are out there partying and having anonymous sex etc.? I realize we are all busy and family life slips through the cracks but I do think teens still need some kind of distant supervision.

if your kid is going to have sex, your kid is going to have sex. short of locking them in their rooms, you can't really stop it. all you can do is arm them with knowledge about std's and birth control and hope they make good choices.

don't you remember being a teenager?

wtgirl

"brooklynpotter" wrote:
if your kid is going to have sex, your kid is going to have sex. short of locking them in their rooms, you can't really stop it. all you can do is arm them with knowledge about std's and birth control and hope they make good choices. don't you remember being a teenager?

Of course teens are going to have sex--I don't think that was the point. Anonymous drunken sex at 16 is a different story. I think when you are a parent, that suddenly seems a lot more worrisome. As I said above, I went to a lot of funerals and I think we learned anonymous sex really isn't a healthy choice.

brooklynpotter

no, it's not a healthy choice. but no matter what you do, no matter how many "right" things you do, that doesn't mean it's not going to happen.

wtgirl

"brooklynpotter" wrote: no, it's not a healthy choice. but no matter what you do, no matter how many "right" things you do, that doesn't mean it's not going to happen.

Hmmmm I guess. As a parent, I am not sure if I believe you have absolutely NO control over the outcome of your teens. Of course, they are individuals and kids do stupid things all the time. But really? C'mon, you can't teach your children SOME values? Really?!! Then why not throw the towel in at the terrible twos if you have no guiding influence as a parent? I don't buy it. Ask me again in 12 years though.

brooklynpotter

can you stop your child from walking down the street and watching a terrorist fly a plane in the building above? can you stop her best friend from getting into a car accident? from your spouse losing a job? from her having an illness or learning disability?

any scenario can toss a wrench into each good value you teach your child.

macabre? yes. true? yes. you can only control so much.

filmlover44

WTGirl wrote: I don't buy it. Ask me again in 12 years though.

Oh boy. That's on my calendar.

You have more control now then you have when they turn into teenagers. Use it wisely!

For the record, I have great kids.I look around at other peoples kids and feel nothing but gratitude for mine. I don't know if it's luck or if I did something right.

brooklynpotter

filmlover44 wrote:

For the record, I have great kids.I look around at other peoples kids and feel nothing but gratitude for mine. I don't know if it's luck or if I did something right.

likely both.

brooklynpotter

what i really meant, a few posts above, is that shit happens. just as quickly as great things happen, lousy things happen. and both can change the course of your child's emotions.

remember: your children's brains are still developing. their daily lives help create the chemistry in those brains. these years can cement part of who they become.

all you can do is work really hard and hope hope hope that a: things in their lives go well, and B: if they don't you can help them move past it with as little baggage as possible.