Slapping your Child on the Subway---NOT COOL!

teafolks

Folks:

I'm sure we've all seen this at some time during our respective tours of duty in NYC. I was on the M train (via Atlantic Pacific) and this little boy was throwing a fit, as kids do, and his mom slapped him ONE TWO THREE times in quick succession, right in front of everyone. I said "Hey!" before I knew it and the lady said "Mind your business."

I was kinda stumped. I thought any further protests on my part might be taken out on the kid sooner or later. The lady dragged her kid off at the next stop--wasnt sure if she was getting off for real or just escaping from the car because people were staring at her.

So freaking sad.

armchair_warrior

kid these days do need some discipline!

they should bring back the rulers in schools.

apollonia666

Armchair, I know you're trying to be funny, but this isn't a situation that it's at ALL appropriate for.

TeaFolks, I'm sure that was really disturbing for you to see. For what it's worth, here's a decent list of suggestions for what to do when you witness child abuse in public:
http://www.nospank.net/stang.htm

Maybe that'll help you if you see something like this happen again. It's not much, but I hope feeling a little more equipped to deal with such a situation is a little comfort.

veets

Apolonia.. That was a great link.. and intutively.. I have used some of those ideas in these situations and effectively used them!!

It is so heartbreaking when life gives you these "scenes" to witness. My first impulse is.. "Lady give me your child.. I can raise it so much better than you can!!"... but I know I need to let go of that and just intervene (if I can) in the moment. It doesn't insure this child wil bespared from such parental abuse in the future.. it shortcuts it in the NOW.. Beter for the child and better for the witness.

wtgirl

Wow Teafolks. I am impressed that you spoke out. I think that is very hard to do. I remember watching a little boy being verbally abused with continual slaps to the back of the had while waiting in line at TJ Max or something. I kept staring the father down but I didn't have the nerve to say anything. he kind of scared me. I left feeling depressed at the situation and depressed by my own ineffectiveness.

raw

That's what you get for riding the M train. Didn't you know the M stands for Mean Monster Mom? Next time hop on a real train, like the 2 or 3.

Now with cameras everywhere, abusive parents can be caught on film and posted on line.

lmboogie

his mom slapped him ONE TWO THREE times

where did she slap him? in the face?

restless native

Funny, because I'm always thinking that these kids in PS are in desperate need of some physical discipline. Never in my life seen so many out-of-control kids. [-X

I thank the good LORD I was raised to understand that my actions have repercussions. My mother kept me in line physically if needed be, as did her mother and her mother, and so did ALL of my friends', and yes, we ALL grew up in Park Slope. Of course, it was never done in public if possible. Then again, we all grew up in pretty ethnic Irish, Italian, and Puerto Rican households; I was shocked when I first discovered that it wasn't normal for 'white people' to spank their kids.

Of course where and how hard the child is hit is another issue altogether, but this allergic reaction to a natural part of life is ridiculous. :roll:

caseopele

Restless Native, did Teafolks say this was in PS? No, so you have no idea where this mother and kid are from. Oh, and it's not normal for "white people" to spank their kids? I didn't realize that white people in Park Slope represented the entire caucasian population. I'll have to remember to tell every white person I know whose parents spanked them that it never happened. And I'll accept that my mom breaking a wooden spoon on my ass when I was a kid was a figment of my imagination! :roll:

whyfi

Restless Native wrote: Funny, because I'm always thinking that these kids in PS are in desperate need of some physical discipline. Never in my life seen so many out-of-control kids. [-X

I thank the good LORD I was raised to understand that my actions have repercussions. My mother kept me in line physically if needed be, as did her mother and her mother, and so did ALL of my friends', and yes, we ALL grew up in Park Slope. Of course, it was never done in public if possible. Then again, we all grew up in pretty ethnic Irish, Italian, and Puerto Rican households; I was shocked when I first discovered that it wasn't normal for 'white people' to spank their kids.

Of course where and how hard the child is hit is another issue altogether, but this allergic reaction to a natural part of life is ridiculous. :roll:

(*,)

escap

I agree with Restless Native. There's nothing in the original post to indicate genuine child abuse. I certainly don't think it's appropriate to humiliate your kids like that, and I'm not saying I'd nominate that lady for mother of the year, but I also wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I think the pendulum has swung too far against any kind of corporal punishment to the point that people unnecessarily freak out at any hitting whatsoever.

lmboogie

I think the pendulum has swung too far against any kind of corporal punishment to the point that people unnecessarily freak out at any hitting whatsoever.

that's why i asked where the child was slapped. i could only imagine it was a violent slap in the face otherwise why would TeaFolks be that upset.

I also agree with Restless Native. there are cultural differences in how you raise your children. and i'm not just referring to black and white but if you want to go there, i will.

sweet tea

i've never seen a child cry less for being hit. it's a lousy way to deal with frustration over a child "throwing a fit". we can talk about physical punishment for physically dangerous things, but slapping a kid (and, assuming that verb was chosen carefully, i can't think of ANY occasion that calls for slapping) seems to me more to do with the parent's lack of self-control than with teaching the kid to control himself.

sweet tea

oh, and a follow-up re: cultural differences:

i'm a white lesbian. if i adopt a child of color, is it okay for me to beat him? i just want to be sure i'm being sensitive to his birth culture. thanks.

brooke lynn knight

WhyFi, I think I love you.

lmboogie

if i adopt a child of color, is it okay for me to beat him?

don't be silly, that is not where i was going with my comment. i was merely pointing out that different cultures have different ways of raising children. are you suggesting that is not true?

i'll never forget telling a group of white friends a story about my mother beating my ass for something i did. i thought the beating was quite funny but the group i was telling seemed mortified and one friend actually asked if child services was called. i have told that story many times and never had i gotten that type of response.

apollonia666

escap wrote: I agree with Restless Native. There's nothing in the original post to indicate genuine child abuse. I certainly don't think it's appropriate to humiliate your kids like that, and I'm not saying I'd nominate that lady for mother of the year, but I also wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I think the pendulum has swung too far against any kind of corporal punishment to the point that people unnecessarily freak out at any hitting whatsoever.

Frankly, I think that slapping a child in the face (presumably, since that's what people usually mean when they mention slapping without mentioning what got slapped) in public is an indicator that things have already spun pretty far out of control and that there's probably already a pattern of hitting the child in private.

I suppose we can start arguing over whether hitting your kid in that fashion is "genuine child abuse" if you really want to.

shishkab

i hope the OP returns to explain what happened in more specific detail about the slapping before this thread turns into a brawl

lostingreenwoodhts

Perhaps I am old school here, but my Mom had the dreaded "wooden spoon" for when we were acting up, acting out or back-sassing at home (more held up as the icon of power, rather than used). In public it was more like a slap in the back of the head or a good arm yank.

And I am certainly no worse for wear (nor my younger bro...who used to hit me as well and me back. Siblings! )

I am not condoning violence of any kind, but I think folks have become desensitized to this kind of thing.

Of course I was not there.

I must say as an ADULT, married non-parent (who has chosen with my better half to not have kids), I can never walk a mile in a parents shoes, but there seems to be many occasions with some children's behavior I have seen in the last 10 years that would bring out the "dreaded wooden spoon" back in the day. Let alone the parents many times being completely oblivious to the child's actions. Bad behavior is bad behavior, no matter the age (within reason, of course).

Perhaps verbal discipline is in order before the face-slap. But if I see another parent bending down to try to reason with an upiddy child and speak to them like they were an adult of the same age, I will puke.

brooklynpotter

white people slap and spank their children, imboogie. at least they did when i was little. the difference is that other cultures call a spanking either a beating or a whooping. that's why you get the response.

and i'm not saying any of this is ok, because i don't think anyone has any right to hit any other living creature (with the exception of punching muggers, etc). hell, i slapped my cat once because she was making me insane and i cried for two days.

and i hate seeing these scenes. i saw one at the botanic garden last summer, with a man and his daughter in the gift shop, and in typical fashion i was about to say something and my brother, bless him, pulled me out of the store by my hair.

lostingreenwoodhts

white people slap and spank their children, imboogie. at least they did when i was little. the difference is that other cultures call a spanking either a beating or a whooping. that's why you get the response.

Hit the nail on the head.

Wait, no hitting! (sorry, had to...I'll try to be serious from now on )

lmboogie

white people slap and spank their children, imboogie. at least they did when i was little. the difference is that other cultures call a spanking either a beating or a whooping. that's why you get the response.

i think you are probably right. i remember using the term "beat down" when telling the story so now it makes a bit more sense.

bolletje

The one time my mom hit me when I was little she totally burst in to tears afterwards. I was all "damn, mom is upset!" and never did whatever it was again.
Mostly, though, we had to sit in the "bad chair" when we misbehaved and that sucked.

armchair_warrior

I'm talking about lack of discipline in general not about the kid by the op. didn't know what the situation is.

but kids lack respect of authority and themselves. telling them goto the corner or time out doesn't work. spoil brats are every where!!!

bring back the ruler in school and a get some at home would give some less bratty. other kids would act better no matter what.

backtopsb

I do not condone repeatedly slapping your child at all. That said, I do agree that the pendulum (in some cases) has swung too far away from any sort of discipling. Case in point--your child is throwing a fit. On a busy sidewalk. Kicking, flailing their arms, pounding the ground with their fists. Lying down on the sidewalk, where someone's dog probably peed a few hours ago. And you do NOTHING?!

I witnessed this recently (I'm not saying where) and the parent was ignoring it, talking their friend. I know that one way of dealing with that type of tantrum is not to give credence to the behavior. I also know there is NO WAY IN HELL that I would have pulled that stunt (even as a four year old) in public. Why? Because my mother would have spanked me.

That said--I think I received one spanking in my life. Nothing torturous, probably one swat. (We're going back twenty something years.) That one memory, and witnessing my sister being smacked, YES, SMACKED ONCE, was enough to put us all in line. And before people get up in arms, we all laugh about my sister's smacking. I think my mother cried after, even though my sister, in her own words, was being terrible. TERRIBLE.

Eh, maybe we were just good kids. (Or didn't get caught.) But just one good swat did me a lifetime of good.

armchair_warrior

caseopele

After my mom broke that wooden spoon on my butt she never used one again. But when I misbehaved in public all my mom had to do was give me The Lookâ„¢ and squeeze my hand. I never threw temper tantrums in public or misbehaved not just because my mom wouldn't tolerate it but because I didn't want to embarass her or myself. I respected my mother and she respected me.

backtopsb

Oooooooooh, The Look.

I still think about my mother's Look. Dad would try... but there is just something about how Mom had that look down. (Caseopele, your mom and mine probably had the same lessons on how to give it.)

lostingreenwoodhts

Yes, got the evil eye as well. evil eye=wooden spoon when we are home. 8-[

caseopele

Haha, my mom perfected The Look! She did it so well that she didn't even need the wooden spoon anymore. Combined with the hand squeeze it was enough to put me right in my place. More than 20 years later I remember it well! I wonder if they take classes to learn how to do it properly or do they practice when we aren't around?

ljnd

I had the funniest moment yesterday afternoon in the park - I was with 22 teenagers, celebrating my daughter's birthday/middle school graduation. They were frighteningly well-behaved, and there was one point when it dawned on me why this was....

One of the boys (who is about twice as big as I am) grabbed his friend's bike and hopped on and began riding on the grass. Concerned about all the little kids from other picnics nearby, I shot this boy a MILD version of The Look. He immediately hopped off the bike and parked it.

His mother must be a force of nature, is all I have to say.