Moved to Bed-Stuy, my experience so far ...

tennisfan

Hi All,

I posted a message with the title 'Thinking about moving to Bed Stuy, need input' a few months ago. I got lots of insightful replies that helped me in taking my decision,

My experience so far is rather good: friendly neighborhood, quiet most of the time, fairly easy commute to the city. I wished there were more facilities like a 24h laundromat or a Duane Reade.

I did run into two small incidents the past few days. The first time a couple who are living in the same building were bothered by some kids who were throwing snowballs at them. When I heard the girl screaming at them, I came out of the building and ask them why they were doing that. Then they ran away. The second time, a guy living in the building next door had the same problem: some kids were throwing some blocks of ice to him while he was trying to open the door to his building. One more time I stood between him and the kids, and they walked away.

I am wondering if I did the right thing and what I should do if similar situations arise in the future. I am not sure what the kids' motives were. Should I make it a big deal?

Tennisfan

queencallipygos

Honestly, I think you're really, really overthinking this.

You saw some kids being mean to your neighbors, you did something about it. The end. I'm not certain why you're concerned there may be more to the situation than that, or why you're questioning whether it was the right thing to do.

rtraindweller

yea it just sounds like they were bein jerks for fun. they wouldn't have ran away if they were actually up to some serious trouble.

vaguynny

Duane Reade and I think a Walgreens is on Fulton Street.. DR is in Restoration PLaza Fulton and Marcy

rh

What I wanna know is this: What's up with your neighbors that they couldn't stick up for themselves? What kind of wusses are they?

tennisfan

rh wrote: What I wanna know is this: What's up with your neighbors that they couldn't stick up for themselves? What kind of wusses are they?

Like me, they are pretty new to the neighborhood (moved in a month ago). In both situations, they were outnumbered: 2 vs 4 and 1 vs 3. They did tell the kids to stop. But the kids could sense their fear and would not give up.

Thanks for the info about Duane Reade.

carmen

wtf is wrong with kids? throwing ice chunks at people is not acceptable behavior...last summer my neighbors kids were throwing ROCKS at all of the, ahem, white people that walked by (and yes, I watched them from my bedroom window long enough to nice the trend. I'm not delirious.) When I finally went to leave my building I walked right up to them and told them, through their fence, that if they even thought about throwing a rock at me they would be in a world of pain (these kids were prolly 8 years old.) Their father was sitting on the porch and laughed his ass off...but it begs the question WHY did he not say something to them for the 2 HOURS they were throwing rocks and cars and innocent people trying to enjoy a summer in the neighborhood?


Wtf man. I'm not old enough to say this but... "kids these days."

tennisfan

Carmen wrote: wtf is wrong with kids? throwing ice chunks at people is not acceptable behavior...last summer my neighbors kids were throwing ROCKS at all of the, ahem, white people that walked by (and yes, I watched them from my bedroom window long enough to nice the trend. I'm not delirious.) When I finally went to leave my building I walked right up to them and told them, through their fence, that if they even thought about throwing a rock at me they would be in a world of pain (these kids were prolly 8 years old.) Their father was sitting on the porch and laughed his ass off...but it begs the question WHY did he not say something to them for the 2 HOURS they were throwing rocks and cars and innocent people trying to enjoy a summer in the neighborhood?


Wtf man. I'm not old enough to say this but... "kids these days."

The people I helped happened to be white as well. I don't know if there is a trend here, just giving more information.

Carmen, the story you just told is rather sad ... I don't think that the kids are to be blamed, but their parents are. What do they have in their mind? How did they educate them? The second time I intervened to help the poor guy, I asked one of the kids: "What is your problem? Where are your parents?" He did not like it.

anonymous

We all push a lot of our racist attitudes onto our kids, who then get into trouble because they have no self-control. They have no self-control because they're kids.

I grew up in the southwest, and my mother has some pretty regressive, negative ideas about Mexicans. So guess who got sent to the principal's office for calling the janitor a wetback?

That's right, me.

I've taught in a number of NYC public schools, and have been called a "cracker" or "cracker bitch" by eight year olds more often than I can count. And I have also been told on more than one occasion by young students that, according to their mothers, they don't have to listen to me because I am white.

So I ask them what they think "cracker" means, and they don't really know. And I ask them if they think it's fair that they shouldn't listen to me because of my skin color--after all, what if I decided that I wasn't going to listen to everyone with sneakers on, or everyone who is black? What does that do?

And when you talk to kids about these things they're doing (because they are aping things their parents say and would never do), it becomes abundantly clear that they don't understand what they are doing any more than I understood what "wetback" meant.

Call kids out on this kind of behavior immediately, in a concerned and loving way. Ask them why they are throwing ice, ask them why they aren't throwing ice at eachother. Ask them what their parents would think.

The thing that really gets me about this city is the way we ignore other people's kids. Children are not little adults, and they need as many grownups paying as much attention as possible to help them grow up.

The most loving thing you can do to a child is hold him or her to good behavior.

queencallipygos

Anonymous wrote: The thing that really gets me about this city is the way we ignore other people's kids. Children are not little adults, and they need as many grownups paying as much attention as possible to help them grow up.

You know that thing that Hillary Clinton said once that everyone laughed at? "It takes a village to raise a child?"

This is what she meant by that, and I don't understand why people thought it was such a crazy idea.

anonymous

Voting Obama myself because I think Hillary is a little too much of a politician, but she is so right about this point.

jimmylegs

i think we need to make a distinction between rocks, ice and snowballs. snowballs are hardly something to get worked up over. if your neighbors got hit, well they just weren't fast enough or didn't have wits enough to fire some back!

ice and rocks are pretty hard to write off, tho. except when you consider that when something painful happens to somebody else, it can be pretty funny.

anonymous

Let me ask the forum a question and please answer honestly how you would have handled things. Over the summer my boyfriend and I were walking home on a nice summer evening at around 10pm. Just enjoying ourselves, involved in our own conversation when a glass bottle gets hurled at us from a stoop full of about 10-15 teenagers. I am not exaggerating when I say that if either of us had been a half-step ahead we would have taken it in the head. Completely unprovoked, no exchange of looks or words led up to this. It scared the shit out of us. We continued walking, stunned as to what had just occurred on his street two blocks from his house, where he has lived peacefully for several years. What we did realize upon discussion of the fact that these were evidently kids that did not live there- there was a party going on of some kind and it happened on an otherwise quiet and peaceful block on Classon Ave. No, we did not stop and confront them due to a) shock on our part, b) there were about 15 of them, 2 of us, c) didn't want to get into it with a group of teenagers who had already shown a lack of concern for consequences.

What would you have done?

In hindsight we should have called the police but honestly we were so rattled and so thankful that neither of us got hit that we just tried to let it go and not have that experience be the sum and total of an otherwise beautiful summer night.

And, yes, to clarify: they were black we're a mixed couple (white and asian).

anonymous

Calling the police is appropriate.
Trying to talk to a group of teenagers, probably not a good idea.

FWIW, teenagers are generally trouble. A lot of self-defense pros give bullet point lists of things to cross the street for, and packs of teenagers are generally right at the top of the list.

Not black teenagers, not white ones, just teenagers in general. In groups. Act like idiots. And are sometimes dangerous.

anonymous

Anonymous wrote: Calling the police is appropriate.
Trying to talk to a group of teenagers, probably not a good idea.

FWIW, teenagers are generally trouble. A lot of self-defense pros give bullet point lists of things to cross the street for, and packs of teenagers are generally right at the top of the list.

Not black teenagers, not white ones, just teenagers in general. In groups. Act like idiots. And are sometimes dangerous.

Yes, I agree. It's not the color thing that scares me, it's the "teenage" thing that does.

(my note of color was simply a pre-emptive strike should anybody ask...)

rh

I'm not suggesting this is the right thing to do, but if the bottle incident happened to me, I probably would've shouted obscenities and kept walking or confronted the teens. Stupid yes, but knock wood, I somehow managed to survive in this city for the past 42 years with an "attitude" like that. They probably smell fear. Like dogs.

tennisfan

Anonymous wrote: We all push a lot of our racist attitudes onto our kids, who then get into trouble because they have no self-control. They have no self-control because they're kids.

I grew up in the southwest, and my mother has some pretty regressive, negative ideas about Mexicans. So guess who got sent to the principal's office for calling the janitor a wetback?

That's right, me.

I've taught in a number of NYC public schools, and have been called a "cracker" or "cracker bitch" by eight year olds more often than I can count. And I have also been told on more than one occasion by young students that, according to their mothers, they don't have to listen to me because I am white.

So I ask them what they think "cracker" means, and they don't really know. And I ask them if they think it's fair that they shouldn't listen to me because of my skin color--after all, what if I decided that I wasn't going to listen to everyone with sneakers on, or everyone who is black? What does that do?

And when you talk to kids about these things they're doing (because they are aping things their parents say and would never do), it becomes abundantly clear that they don't understand what they are doing any more than I understood what "wetback" meant.

Call kids out on this kind of behavior immediately, in a concerned and loving way. Ask them why they are throwing ice, ask them why they aren't throwing ice at eachother. Ask them what their parents would think.

The thing that really gets me about this city is the way we ignore other people's kids. Children are not little adults, and they need as many grownups paying as much attention as possible to help them grow up.

The most loving thing you can do to a child is hold him or her to good behavior.

This is certainly one of the best posts I've read on this forum.

anonymous

I agree, thats a very well stated post.

I think, going one step further, that it's not always the institutionalized attitudes of parents that perpetuates such comments, but alot of times just the institutionalized attitudes within society. Kids pick up on so much-from TV, music, other kids, the internet, even just people having a conversation on the bus-and just continue to say things when they don't know what they really mean. I agree that calling them out in a loving and caring way is the best approach, but I don't think parents are the only ones to blame here.

Kids (from little to big, teenagers included) also have a history of doing things to get a reaction. Perhaps the whole ice throwing/bottlethrowing thing is to see if their targets will confront them or ignore them. It's my inclination that they are choosing targets who they think will do the latter for whatever reason, and it looks like they are being proved right.

clayfilms

Anonymous wrote: The thing that really gets me about this city is the way we ignore other people's kids. Children are not little adults, and they need as many grownups paying as much attention as possible to help them grow up.

The most loving thing you can do to a child is hold him or her to good behavior.

A to the MEN.

I'M HAPPY YOU LIVE IN BROOKLYN. BEHAVIOR LIKE THAT MIGHT JUST SAVE A KID FROM GETTING THROWN INTO JAIL.

anonymous

ice and rocks are pretty hard to write off, tho. except when you consider that when something painful happens to somebody else, it can be pretty funny.

I feel sorry for you, if you really feel this way!

What is this world coming too? when we take pleasure in someones pain

detrop

Anonymous wrote: The thing that really gets me about this city is the way we ignore other people's kids. Children are not little adults, and they need as many grownups paying as much attention as possible to help them grow up.

The most loving thing you can do to a child is hold him or her to good behavior.

I totally agree with this. A few weeks ago I was on a fast-moving C train; one of the trains with the two benches along either side of the car, longwise. There were two young boys, probably aged 10-12, who were standing up on seats across from each other with their hands in the air, "no hands" style, kind of playing chicken. Every once in a while they'd lean forward and press palms. Now the car was moving really fast and this was incredibly dangerous! They were making me really nervous, and I can't see how I can have been the only one, but no one said or did anything. I thought, "Fine, if I have to be the one to initiate an adult response to this situation, at least my fellow passengers will support me once I've done so." After giving them several bad looks, thereby initiating contact, I said to one of the boys, "Stop doing that. It's dangerous." He replied, "But it's fun." I said, "I'm sure it is, but I'm also sure your mother wouldn't like you doing it." He said, "She doesn't care." The boys then got out at the next stop. What astounded and galled me was that not a single passenger supported me with a nod or a concerned look in the direction of our conversation, much less spoke out to help me convince these kids to stop acting idiotically and dangerously. Everyone kept his nose in his book. The result was that I was made to feel more isolated and stupid about an interaction about which I already felt uncomfortable and a little scared (given adolescent/teen reputations for confrontation and violence these days).

anonymous

Your last statement speaks volumes as to why noone said anything.In this day and age, everyone tries to mind their business because you never know if that kid is going to pull a weapon, assault you , curse you or otherwise.I am sure the kid knew it was dangerous but as he stated it was fun. If he injures himself , he wont do it again. Sometimes you have to let people learn the hard way.

detrop

Gidget wrote: Your last statement speaks volumes as to why noone said anything.In this day and age, everyone tries to mind their business because you never know if that kid is going to pull a weapon, assault you , curse you or otherwise.I am sure the kid knew it was dangerous but as he stated it was fun. If he injures himself , he wont do it again. Sometimes you have to let people learn the hard way.

sometimes that's true, say when the kid might scrape his knee or bump his arm. but when he could possibly bust his head open, in a place where medical response could be severely delayed, i don't think that's the case. regardless, they could have injured other people by falling on them, as well, so it wasn't just about the kids hurting themselves. others ARE minding their own business by saying "stop doing something that could injure you OR ME."

violet

I think you were right to say something, detrop. I'm sorry that you felt isolated or wrong.

Hey - at least the parents weren't there and so couldn't curse at you for interfearing! I've (nicely) asked kids to stop rude behavior and been pretty viciously scolded by the kids' parents! Weird.

Anyway, detrop, someone should have stuck up for you. Or at least smiled at you...