Big Ham Give-Away at Freddy's

the yarn monkey

Subject: Big Ham Give-Away at Freddy's

It's the December Sing-And-Win-A-Canned-Ham SMACKDOWN!!! @ Freddy's Bar. On December 20, you might win a ham for the Holidays and other fab mediocre prizes, but you must sing to qualify. One of this month's many prizes is the "Empire State Experience" package.

At this time last month the room was so packed that we thought they were using it as a fallout shelter. Instead, they all wanted to win a 48 oz can of porcine pleasure. This time we do have to cut it off at 1:00-ish at the latest. Join Bill C. and me, That Yarn Guy (a.k.a. Tokyo Rosenberg), for another challenging evening of low-fi singing enchantment.

Wednesday December 20
From 9:30ish until 12:30 there and abouts
at Freddy's
485 Dean Street (corner Dean + 6av)
www.karaokebigassham.com

bill c

what is the empire state development package? sounds scary and i gave up scaryoke some time ago. i think i will be reading excerpts from the karaoke bible, "karoke nights" by rob drew. always inspiring.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Empire State Experience

bill c wrote: what is the empire state development package?

Funny you should ask. The Empire State Experience package is probably our most interesting mediocre prize yet. It's almost legitimate. It's a a date for two at the Empire State Building which includes:
2 tickets to ESB observation deck and 2 tickets to watch "Skyride!", the sight-seeing feel good movie that comes with the first two tickets.

We also have 2 bags of Thai Lime and Chili Peanuts from Trader Joe's. If one plays their cards right, they have dinner and movie.

What about this karaoke bible, "karoke nights" by rob drew. Tell me more.

the yarn monkey

Should we get a Tofurkey?

splunge

That Yarn Guy wrote: Should we get a Tofurkey?

only if you also provide a tofurducken

kw

Hmmm.. I think someone should start practicing "Bungle in the Jungle" pretty soon.

the yarn monkey

That Bungle guy just might win a Tofurducken yet. Just like vegan hagas, its tastey tofu stuffed in wheat gluten warpped in tofu skin and fake bacon. Rock on Bungle man.

splunge

That Yarn Guy wrote: That Bungle guy just might win a Tofurducken yet. Just like vegan hagas, its tastey tofu stuffed in wheat gluten warpped in tofu skin and fake bacon. Rock on Bungle man.

he'll sing bungle in the jungle!
and might win some tofurkey.
or he'll leave it for the vegans
and with krakus ham he'll flee!

bill c

flee asscrack ham give away to bunghole in the jung whole.

i always to be NY post editor.


"karaoke nights" is one of the top scholarly works in the karaoke studies field.

the yarn monkey

bill c wrote: flee asscrack ham give away to bunghole in the jung whole.

Bill, quit playing with the Google Translation tool! In French, it means we also have X-mas songs.

the yarn monkey

Subject: You Must Sing to Win!!

Ring in the Agnostic Holidays this Wednesday. Although we have great timely classics such as "Santa Baby" (Eartha Kit), "Silver Bells" (traditional), "Blue Chirstmas" (Elvis) and "Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence" (oh so sad), you can add Holiday cheer to just about any song by changing the lyrics (ASCAP/BMI does not cover parody). Try this little ditty.

Private Santa (in the style of Tina Turner)

Well, the Elves come in these places, And the reindeer look the same
You dont look at their faces, And you dont ask their names
You dont think of them as human, You dont think of them at all
You keep your mind on the money, Keeping your eyes on the mall

Im your private Santa, Santa for money
Ill do what you want me to do
Im your private Santa, A Santa from Macey's
Any old sleighride will do

bill c

a hirsute, sideburned comedian told me that there might be a (fat) elvis sighting tonite.

bigguy

Speaking of hams...

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/hams/

the yarn monkey

Cool cartoon BigGuy! Unfortunately I didn't get the Tofurkey. It was, well. Gross. I bought a bag of wasabi peas instead.

bigguy

Yea I have yet to try tofurkey. I like tofu, tempeh, veggie-burgers etc. Tofurkey just sounds wrong.

the yarn monkey

Subject: Thanks again folks

BigGuy, Tofurkey is a boiled rubber eraser, wrapped in paper towel, wrapped in an enigma.

Thanks to the muppet guy for singing "Eternal Flame" and other delights, enjoy the chili/lime peanuts this Holiday. Congratulation to "H-bomb" for winning the Empire State Experience package! The low-tech karoake guys hope your holidays are safe, cheerful an unaffected by the recent hike in crime. As we let this topic sink to the bottom of the roster, we leave you with this Christmas message.

The Sound Of Santa (in the style of Simon and Garfunkel)

Hello Santa, my old friend,
I'd like to speak with you again.
Christmas eve while I was sleeping,
You left my gift without a warning.
And the jacket that you planted 'neath my tree
Won't fit me.
Oh, what a lousy Christmas!

Through restless malls I shopped alone,
Through pools of melted yogurt cones,
'Neath the halo from a Food Court lamp,
I lost my coupons and my parking stamp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
"SLACKS!! HALF-OFF !!" this Christmas

From the changing stalls I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People pushing and shoving,
People taking things without paying,
Some guy bought a thong that no man would ever wear
And no one dared
Cut in the line at Christmas

"Fools" said I, "You do not see!
A second register, line 3!
Hey, lady watch your bag, it's poking me!
This crowded line is really killing me!"
But my words like silent raindrops fell.
"Oh, what the hell!"
Echoed in the wells of Christmas.

And the people filled with hate
Drained the cash machines by 8:00.
The ATM flashed out its warning.
"NO RECIEPT" were the words forming.

"The CREDIT ONLY sign is written on the cashier wall!"
I told them all.
I murmured the sound of Christmas.

bill c

yes muppet guy was completely totally awesome. off key never sounded so on. and you and tabi were great with private santa. so much talent in one room. it's good it only happens once a month.