It's report card day, do you reward your kids?

sloper

All my friends who got paid or were given gifts for good grades growing up don't read on their own to this day. All my friends who were taught that learning is something every person should want to do throughout their lives and enjoy, not only still read, but tend to be more knowledgeable about what's going on in the world and more active in their communities. True story.

carmen

xlizellx wrote: i'm a public school teacher, and i would def. encourage parents to spend time with their kids as the reward rather than give them stuff. they SHOULD be intrinsically motivated, but also being rewarded by doing something as a family should be done. when we were kids we got to pick what we did that friday night - what movie to rent, what food to order, etc. then we spent that time together as a family. $10 an A or a new PSP game doesn't seem to match up for me.

I totally agree with this. And I think it should be more of a "we're proud of you for working hard" gesture than a "here's a gift for making an A" gesture. I think the idea behind the reward is way more important than the actual reward- saying something like "you could get 'X' for making better than a 'X' grade" is way different than giving a special treat after the fact for all the hard work. I got a "mom-date" when I was in middleschool for making a B- in algebra because it was really hard for me and I went to tutoring all semester. It was my lowest grade but my mom expressed her pride because she knew it sucked and I was [am] really bad at math and it took lots of effort. That should be the point, not the actual grade.

voodoonyc

Carmen wrote: [quote=xlizellx]i'm a public school teacher, and i would def. encourage parents to spend time with their kids as the reward rather than give them stuff. they SHOULD be intrinsically motivated, but also being rewarded by doing something as a family should be done. when we were kids we got to pick what we did that friday night - what movie to rent, what food to order, etc. then we spent that time together as a family. $10 an A or a new PSP game doesn't seem to match up for me.

I totally agree with this. And I think it should be more of a "we're proud of you for working hard" gesture than a "here's a gift for making an A" gesture. I think the idea behind the reward is way more important than the actual reward- saying something like "you could get 'X' for making better than a 'X' grade" is way different than giving a special treat after the fact for all the hard work. I got a "mom-date" when I was in middleschool for making a B- in algebra because it was really hard for me and I went to tutoring all semester. It was my lowest grade but my mom expressed her pride because she knew it sucked and I was [am] really bad at math and it took lots of effort. That should be the point, not the actual grade.

+1 Carmen. Totally agree. I don't have kids, but I was one (once) and that was pretty much my experience as well. Math = ugh.

vidro3

i got a few dollars for good grades A's and B's were worth $10 and $5 respectively. So not a great amount. I always went and spent it all on baseball cards anyway.

my two younger brothers though somehow conned my parents into paying out $100 for a report card full of C's

stupid inflation.

vidro3

oh yea, also, our parents always promised to buy us whatever the latest video game system was if me and brother #2 made the honor roll. my parents weren't that dumb, they never had to pay out for that one.

voodoonyc

I spent TWO summers at summer school trying to pass algebra. Which I finally did. And the only reward I got was the encouragement of my parents. Everything else that my parents did for me was totally separate from school. And I turned out ok, I like to think, except I need a calculator for pretty much everything.

em26

My parents never rewarded any of us (5 kids) with money or candy for a good report card.

It was like this :

Good report card = Mom happy and smiling and telling you "good job!" (man , I can still remember some of those times)

Bad report card = Mom upset and yelling at you. Then you gotta run and hide hoping that you don't get beat.That ruins your whole day cuz you can't go out and play or watch tv cuz you gotta lay low till bed time.

So , to us it was make mom happy or make mom mad and fear for your ass. We choose to try our best in school to make her happy. She's so beautiful when she smiles.

sweet tea

we didn't go out to eat much when i was a kid (and my father, the primary cook, wasn't exactly julia child). we did go out once a week for mexican food with my dad's mentor, but i HATED mexican food as a child.

so my report card reward was a dinner out where i got to pick the restaurant. i always picked the (cheap) steakhouse.

i think that was a good reward because

- it meant family time together -- the main reward was the attention
- we were going to eat dinner anyway, so i don't think it messed my head up about food or anything
- it wasn't nickle-and-dime-y about the exact grade. it was more like "we know you worked hard this quarter". so i learned to show my parents on a daily basis that i was working hard, instead of obsessing over whether one teacher giving me an A- would cost me my new whatever.

i don't remember ever being told i wouldn't get this reward, but then again, my grades were always good overall. the occasional low grade was treated as "what do we do to help you here? let's go talk to your teacher about it", which was 900% more mortifying than just getting scolded. the fear of their thinking there was something wrong with me was enough to keep me from slacking off.

i remember testing the money-for-grades water with my parents at one point. they looked at me like i was describing the mysterious culture of a primitive people -- interesting, but nothing to do with how we'd be living our lives. education is really important in our family, and i think they thought mixing money and learning together was a bad business. (of course, i am now highly-educated and poorly-paid, so take your own lesson from that if you will....)

flux

I never got an A...barely passed my classes. Had serious ADD which I grew out of (no one knew, they just thought I was lazy). My parents never expected much from me and my father strongly recommended working for a car service and renting a basement apartment.
Since my parents never encouraged me, I had to be intrinsically motivated. In time the ADD passed and I gave school another try while in my mid 20's. Im now a doctor of pharmacy working at a great hospital.

daver

I don't like the idea of money for grades in general. Having said that, I think that if you have an unmotivated child that would be motivated by money or whatever for grades that they benefits of them applying themselves to their education outweigh the detriments of the monetary reward. Having said that, I would (and have) endeavored to motivate my children in different ways. Having said _that_, at points in the past I _have_ motivated them with cold hard cash, A=$$, B=$, etc. Results were, meh. I don't do it anymore, but I wouldn't condemn those that do either. But coming back to the beginning, I think that education is _very_ important, and in general am willing to do whatever it takes to get the little guys dedicated to it.

hamilton

if grades are low, cancel their Playboy subscription

new2hood

For the most part, this was a very helpful discussion! (and regardless of their helpfulness, I am a reluctant fan of the cat pics....)

scarlett

When I do well at work I reward myself with wine and cheese or new shoes. Or martinis and Rx yummies.

longtimesloper

Yeah, the cat pics can get to be too much, but they are darn cute!

bluemagoo

Subject: Re: It's report card day, do you reward your kids?

LongTimeSloper wrote: Just curious to hear what other parents out there do. If your kid got a good report card, do they get something special for it? We always did this with our oldest and now do it with our youngest. One of my in laws says we are bribing the kids, I call it rewarding them.

Also, do you have a general standard of what a good report card is or does it change from year to year or from child to child?

Interested to hear what others think

I was never rewarded growing up, my parents would be pleasantly surprised with my good grades as I was an original slacker growing up, & we never directly rewarded our own kids as they were growing up for getting good grades. We heaped lots of praise on them and occasionally told them we were disappointed if they didn't do so well but never any specific rewards. We might let them pick their favorite food for dinner or take out or take them to a movie or something like that but I've always felt that getting good grades is what's expected and doesn't need any specific rewards.

brklynborn63

I was never rewarded as a kid for good grades but I do reward my kids for good grades. I see nothing wrong with that and they do appreciate it. As for a good report card that can be up for interpretation depending on the child. Some Kids do not learn as easily as others and have to work harder. They may not get the A's but that does not mean it is not a good report card.