Anyone else in PS awaiting a China adoption?
My husband & I have been awaiting a China adoption, and are now looking to explore other options (as the wait has grown from 16 mo's (as we we told when we started the process 2+yrs ago) to 4 possibly 5 yrs....
Our agency (Children's Hope International) is closing it's NY branch, so we are trying to figure out how to continue. (They also lost their Hague accredidation, which they SAY they should be able to get back....) anyway, there seems to be so much uncertainty (possible China policy changes. ETC)
Needless to say it has been a very bumpy ride and we are not getting any younger and don't want to loose all of our options for having a child.
I am curious how others in the same boat are coping!
Our agency (Children's Hope International) is closing it's NY branch, so we are trying to figure out how to continue. (They also lost their Hague accredidation, which they SAY they should be able to get back....) anyway, there seems to be so much uncertainty (possible China policy changes. ETC)
Needless to say it has been a very bumpy ride and we are not getting any younger and don't want to loose all of our options for having a child.
I am curious how others in the same boat are coping!
Comments
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I'm sorry I can't offer any practical advice. My 3 Korean kids are teenagers now, but I remember the anxiety and unfortunately the lack of support or understanding for this kind of situation. One of our kids was scheduled to leave the Korean airport during the Seoul Olympics and "mainstream" US media "discovered" that South Korea was "selling" their children abroad. It took an extra 3 months to get our son out. Once the Olympics were over everything went back to normal. Even though it was the best thing for these kids the Korean Government was truly embarrassed by it. Hopefully the Chinese situation is just momentary and it will be business as usual soon.
FWIW we used Spence Chapin. I see they still have a pretty active foreign adoption program. I'm sure you know about waiting lists. I have no idea how long it is at Spence. I don't know what the cut off is for newborns in China. It was 40 for the Korean Program.
Good Luck to you guys. -
Thanks for your response, Modsquad.
It does seem that everyone who has completed or is in the process of an international adoption has some major complication(s). It is reassuring to see people coming out the other end and actually getting a child(children)!
When you are in the thick of it, it seems like it will never happen! -
May I ask a question? Please understand that I do not in any way intend to be critical, this comes from sheer curiosity (mostly because I'm a currently pregnant woman who plans to adopt a child from the States in a few years)...
Are you interested only in internat'l adoption or would you consider a domestic kid? I have a friend who recently found out she and her husband weren't going to be able to pursue their Chinese adoption after they had spent a year filing all the paperwork and now they're considering remaining childless. I can't really get an answer from her about why she specifically wants a Chinese baby. She and her husband are white, born and bred mid-westerners with no family or cultural ties to China. It's befuddling to me, but not in a judgmental way. I just want to understand something that doesn't currently make sense to my brain.
Thanks! And more importantly, good luck in bringing home whatever child is eventually meant to call you Mom. -
I believe it is because it is more difficult for the biological parents to come back to claim the kids in international adoptions!
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Underhill_MT,
I'm going to give you some short answers and would be happy to expand on any of them. I don't think the OP is in the mood to defend (that's a little harsh, I know)their choice given the precarious status. We are white also and we were married at the time. Here's how we arrived at foreign adoption.
Healthy white newborns usually go through private adoptions, at a very high price. If they are not healthy, well that's another story. In NY state and other states they have open adoption which means you're stuck with the birth mother's 2 cents if she wants to be involved (they usually get bored and simply disappear after a while). Even if she doesn't want to be involved she can designate how the child is to be raised religiously. That religion is of course Catholic. The other risk in this country is drug and alcohol abuse. My son had a girlfriend who suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome (Iroquois) You don't have that problem in Asia.
Lets say you want to do the "right" thing and adopt a black newborn. The Association of Black Social Workers considers it cultural genocide to place black kids with white parents. Better they should rot in foster care then end up in a white suburb.
The other option in this country is of course special needs kids. That is the last argument against foreign adoption. People who can deal with that are special and they deserve praise, but most people who adopt just want to have a family like you.
I don't know why China has backed off. Asians do not adopt, a lot of older kids who come into orphanages are there because their mother has remarried and the new husband wants nothing to do with the kids. Boys are at a premium of course so they rarely come up for adoption.
The Eastern European countries are relatively new. I do know of one adoption from Romania and within 6 months the birth parents tracked down my friends in Indianapolis and were looking for money. It is very shady over there.
Anyway, that's the short answer? -
dracomom wrote: I believe it is because it is more difficult for the biological parents to come back to claim the kids in international adoptions!
dracomom,
I have been censored by the moderator.
Do you really think Americans are sitting around and saying, "you know what honey, let's get one of those China dolls, those pesky peasants wont have the the miles on their Amex to come over here and bother us." -
I agree that I should not have to defend our decision to adopt a baby from abroad vs. here at home. We in fact did pursue a domestic adoption (a young teenager was pregnant and choose us as birth parents, that is until she had the baby, and at the last moment, she chose to keep her child) That of course was a risk we knew going into the situation, but still was very difficult for us, as you can imagine. We had to examine our options if we were ever to be parents. Unfortunately, we are in our 40's and are running out of time and options. At the time we started the program, there were many Chinese girls needing a home, and the program was very respectable (much of the money from the adoptions goes back into the orphanages). The choice seemed obvious. Now we are financially and emotionally invested, not to mention the TIME and paperwork. Giving birth seems much easier than the roller coaster we have been on for the past 5 years.
I do feel that you cannot judge people by how they have become a family, as there is usually so much more than you can see on the surface. -
modsquad wrote: Lets say you want to do the "right" thing and adopt a black newborn. The Association of Black Social Workers considers it cultural genocide to place black kids with white parents. Better they should rot in foster care then end up in a white suburb.?
I don't believe this Association has any moral or legal authority in this matter. It would be great if prospective adoptive families weren't plagued by half-baked judgments about motive and choice. -
It has nothing to do with the distance of the adoption... I was told by someone that China adoption is popular because once the parents abandon their children, they lose all legal rights to claim the kids in China. So legally, people who adopt from China will have less worries on having their kids taken away by the biological parents. Now I think it is great to adopt from China, those kids would otherwise have no other chance for a good family. I am simply sharing what I know about China adoption, so no need to turn this into a wealthy vs poor kind of discussion.
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Well, i am not an adoptive parent, but close friends and family are.
And, i don't know anything about The Association of Black Social Workers, but, two very close family members have done domestic adoptions where they adopted african american children and yes, both families were caucasian.
We also have family members who adopted both of their sons from Russia, they tried domestic adoption first and for 3 years went through a private hell with that. -
Thanks for the answers, modsquad & jh. For the record, I wasn't accusatory and made an effort to let you know that I was not judging, merely curious. As someone who is starting my own family and has plans to adopt several years down the line I find the subject fascinating.
Again, best of luck with your families.
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