Bad Santa Stories
I was at the age when I started to doubt Santa's existence, when I went into a Woolworth's on 53rd and 5th ave. There was a line of kids waiting to tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas and at the very end of the line was a classmate of mine,whose Mother brought him there .
He said come on get on line and tell Santa what you want, I don't think so , but his Mother insisted I join her son on line , which I did reluctantly,after about 15 minutes it was my turn , after climbing the steps, I sat on his lap and he asked what do you want for Christmas little boy, I was almost knocked out by his booze ladened breath,and what really pissed me off was his beard was hanging down with the mustache below his lower lip .
I grabbed his beard, pulled it down and let it loose, smacking him straight in the face .
I jumped up and ran into the street, only to be caught by the wino Santa, who grabbed me by the throat and started to choke the shit out of me, while calling me every curse he could think of.
Fortunate for me a group of woman on the avenue, who were outraged at the sight of Santa choking a skinny kid,started to scream leave that kid alone, which he did and went back into the store.
Unaware, my Mother took me to Woolworths the next day, but for some reason they didn't have a Santa.
I'm sure, Gene Autry could have had a big hit with , I saw Santa Choking Hamilton.
He said come on get on line and tell Santa what you want, I don't think so , but his Mother insisted I join her son on line , which I did reluctantly,after about 15 minutes it was my turn , after climbing the steps, I sat on his lap and he asked what do you want for Christmas little boy, I was almost knocked out by his booze ladened breath,and what really pissed me off was his beard was hanging down with the mustache below his lower lip .
I grabbed his beard, pulled it down and let it loose, smacking him straight in the face .
I jumped up and ran into the street, only to be caught by the wino Santa, who grabbed me by the throat and started to choke the shit out of me, while calling me every curse he could think of.
Fortunate for me a group of woman on the avenue, who were outraged at the sight of Santa choking a skinny kid,started to scream leave that kid alone, which he did and went back into the store.
Unaware, my Mother took me to Woolworths the next day, but for some reason they didn't have a Santa.
I'm sure, Gene Autry could have had a big hit with , I saw Santa Choking Hamilton.
Comments
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Ha ha. That's hilarious.
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Subject: I got one
When I was 7 I lived in the suburbs of Chicago. My bedroom window was on the second floor and let out right onto the roof, that then extended up to the second floor. In the summer I would climb on the roof and help clean out the gutters.
Anyways, I was sleeping as sug as a rug on Xmas eve when I heard a loud thud on the roof. SANTA? I thought to myself. The excitement got the better of me and I quietly opened my window and stepped onto the snow covered roof. As soon as I got out I lost my balance, fell off the roof and died.
Happy Holidays! -
My mother took my nephew, who at the time was 4 and painfully shy to take a picture with Santa at A&S. This Santa was really loud and had no patience for the kids. Well my nephew was so scared of him and didn't want to take a picture. Finally I convince him, I am on one side of Santa's lap and my nephew on the other - when my nephew had "a little accident" in his pants. Well Santa starts yelling at my nephew "you dumb kid, what's wrong with you" to which my big loud mom walked over and said "F#$k you Santa don't talk to my grandson that way".
Well my nephew was embarrased and worried about what his parents would say and my mom and I both told him, don't worry its okay we got your back. We walk in the house and my mom says "he had a little accident" and without missing a beat my 4 year old nephew says Grandma told Santa "F&*k you and it was so funny I peed my pants." And no one has been the wiser since. -
That's pretty funny, Stacey :-)
My friend just told me that his 7 and 9 year olds are catching on..The older one checks every Santa for elastic/glue on the beard and mustache. -
Subject: Re: Bad Santa Stories
Hamilton wrote: I was at the age when I started to doubt Santa's existence, when I went into a Woolworth's on 53rd and 5th ave. There was a line of kids waiting to tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas and at the very end of the line was a classmate of mine,whose Mother brought him there .
notice how the times were different back then?
He said come on get on line and tell Santa what you want, I don't think so , but his Mother insisted I join her son on line , which I did reluctantly,after about 15 minutes it was my turn , after climbing the steps, I sat on his lap and he asked what do you want for Christmas little boy, I was almost knocked out by his booze ladened breath,and what really pissed me off was his beard was hanging down with the mustache below his lower lip .
I grabbed his beard, pulled it down and let it loose, smacking him straight in the face .
I jumped up and ran into the street, only to be caught by the wino Santa, who grabbed me by the throat and started to choke the shit out of me, while calling me every curse he could think of.
Fortunate for me a group of woman on the avenue, who were outraged at the sight of Santa choking a skinny kid,started to scream leave that kid alone, which he did and went back into the store.
Unaware, my Mother took me to Woolworths the next day, but for some reason they didn't have a Santa.
I'm sure, Gene Autry could have had a big hit with , I saw Santa Choking Hamilton.
Leave that kid alone in todays terms would be multi million dollar lawsuit + jail time for the Bad Santa. -
today, Santa would probably bring assault charges against me.
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