Dating a single parent if you're just single and without kid

armchair_warrior wrote: my personal thoughts are don't do it.

if they can't make a relationship with a child involved work. thats not a good sign.

Sorry, you don't 'make a relationship with a child involved work.' The best thing my parents ever did for me was split up. Maybe you come from a home where the parents were happy and in love, and if so, that's great. However, some of us didn't. We grew up in homes where our parents spent years mad at one another and depressed. And kids sense this kind of thing, making it unpleasant for everyone. I'm not saying that when things get tough you should just end it, but there are legitimate reasons for ending a relationship, whether a child is involved or not.

Those parents that couldn't make it work can be positively good people that either made a bad decision to get together in the first place, or maybe they just evolved to a point where they no longer made each other happy. That doesn't mean they're not capable of having loving, committed relationships with others moving forward. My mother is happier than I've ever known her to be, now married to her second husband for the past 15 years.

Sorry for the rant.

I'm in a similar situation- except my fiance has FOUR kids who live with their mom. Sloper's right- less money, always dealing with the ex in one form or another (truly maddening at times). But- you're in a pretty good position- the kid's 4, right? Young enough to form a bond with you, if you choose to be in his father's life. Also, its just one kid! (what I wouldn't give for JUST ONE step-kid!) Boy's are also way more accepting of a new woman in their life (girls-shudder, no way!), so it's likely that it will be quite easy to get "into the fold" as they say.

I never thought in a million years that I would marry someone with children- but he's the best guy in the world, and these kids come with the deal. Ideal? Probably not, but he's totally worth it. I cannot imagine my life without him. We marry in 2 weeks! :cheers:

anthonycm wrote: [quote=armchair_warrior]my personal thoughts are don't do it.

if they can't make a relationship with a child involved work. thats not a good sign.

Sorry, you don't 'make a relationship with a child involved work.' The best thing my parents ever did for me was split up. Maybe you come from a home where the parents were happy and in love, and if so, that's great. However, some of us didn't. We grew up in homes where our parents spent years mad at one another and depressed. And kids sense this kind of thing, making it unpleasant for everyone. I'm not saying that when things get tough you should just end it, but there are legitimate reasons for ending a relationship, whether a child is involved or not.

Those parents that couldn't make it work can be positively good people that either made a bad decision to get together in the first place, or maybe they just evolved to a point where they no longer made each other happy. That doesn't mean they're not capable of having loving, committed relationships with others moving forward. My mother is happier than I've ever known her to be, now married to her second husband for the past 15 years.

Sorry for the rant.
sorry for what? you rock.

I have a few friends who ended up more attached to the kid than to the parent...it's really tough on everybody to break up. Another friend of mine is dating a woman with a kid. This woman has what I think is a genius policy of not introducing her child to her date until X number of months have gone by. They can talk on the phone, so they feel a part of things, but the kid is protected from fleeting attachments. Seems really smart to me...

If there are qualities in the guy that you really like - there is something there.
His child is as much a part of him as a tattoo. Not always visible, but there.
Pretty much the same situation for me - but my other half had THREE sons.
Would I get involved again having gone through three teens? Absolutely - the other half is wonderful and would do it all over again (just better prepared for the drama).

If you have met the son a few times that means dad probably thinks you are pretty special - the son lives with the mom and dad chose to share his limited time with his son with you.

VERY good sign that he is involved with his son, but like everyone has already mentioned, you will have to have a higher amount of patience, tolerance and security in stepping into this situation. The boy should be a priority for his dad - time wise, money wise and priority wise. If the boy is not a priority - this says something about the dad (in which case it says RUN).

Since the child is four, you might want to know how long since the divorce or split. Get a vibe for where mom's head is (is she angry, moved on, amicable, etc.) This is a the third party that will ALWAYS be there. I hope that it was an amicable split and that mom has moved on - you do NOT want to be in a situation where mom is still angry and uses the child as a pawn.

Don't fear the potential future responsibility of a child - it will be shared. Wouldn't you consider having more children one day? Think of this as getting a head start on seeing what a child brings into your world - there are a LOT of problems but there is a lot of joy. Usually, the pain in the ass moments outnumber the number of utterly blissful ones, BUT, the blissful ones so OUTWEIGH the pain in the ass moments so much so that the PITAs are forgotten.

Only you can assess if you are strong enough to deal and if the man is worthwhile. So far sounds like you are both mature enough to pass part one of the test.

Domino wrote: I hope that it was an amicable split and that mom has moved on - you do NOT want to be in a situation where mom is still angry and uses the child as a pawn.

Yup- that would be my situation. :roll:

I refuse to date men with kids. You will always always be #2 (and that's how it should be) but I am a selfish woman. I don't ever want to be #2.

"Let Love Rule."

armchair_warrior wrote: If this was about a girl with many kids and you're a guy. I would say run and keep running :P.

big yup :viking: