no potty here

Steve here.

I actually met the owner of that cafe a while back, he´s a Santeria priest. Dayo. Nice Guy, talked to me for about two hours for an article that was never published. I´m surprised.

vanilla wrote: i agree with flexichick, plus... crying 4 year olds are obnoxious. for that alone, i would buy something and get out quick if the kid doesn't calm down.

My daughter wasn't crying until the lady in the back started yelling.

I had never been to 'spoken word' before and certainly would have lingered after the potty break to look around. To see what they did there and what they had to sell. Instead I immediatly left with a now crying child.

-bc

vanilla wrote: i agree with flexichick, plus... crying 4 year olds are obnoxious. for that alone, i would buy something and get out quick if the kid doesn't calm down.

I don't think Flexichick said four year olds are obnoxious! And in some countries, kids are actually liked.

Four year olds have very small bladders--my kids are still in diapers but I can't imagine once potty trained that we are going to get far before somebody has to go and it would be nice to not have to buy 7 slices of pizza to take a walk to the bank. I know I know my kids are not anybody elses problem and they should be not seen nor heard but remain invisible. But restaurants produce a lot of garbage and noise in a neighborhood (ever live above one?) as well as a service and an occasional use of the bathroom without a purchase would be a goodwill gesture.

Subject: Re: no potty here

bluecat wrote: My daughter needed to go potty badly when we exited the Union St Station so we walked into a nearly empty 'spoken word cafe'. There was no person behind the counter so we walked up to the bathroom. A lady in the back then yells out Hey What Are You Doing, You Can't Just Use The Bathroom Here Without Buying Anything. My daughter started crying, we left and used the potty in the small pizza restaurant next door. They were nice about it.

I understand the 'Bathroom for Customers Only' rule. But for a 4 year old? And to be yelled at like that instead of a polite please come back and visit us soon which would have gotten the point gently across (I certainly would have felt obligated to return if treated nicely).

-bc

Unfortunatly the reality is that going to the bathroom outside of your home in New York can be a nightmare that ruins your entire day.

Age should not be an issue. People of all ages have "accidents." Your daughter's feelings -- just because she's a child and can easily express emotions -- are no more important than a stoic 40 year old man who was trapped on a subway for one hour suffering from a digestion problem.
People of all ages should be able to access clean public bathrooms with dignity.

At the same time, the cafe should not be expected to endure expenses associated with stocking up toilet paper and cleaning bathrooms for every person who walks in off the street. The cafe does need to keep a clean bathroom for its customers.

While charging a quarter to use the bathroom might encroach upon legalities, actions of mutual respect sometimes work -- simply treating people as you would like to be treated. In this one isolated situation, the lady might not have yelled if you had made every effort to identify an employee and respectfully (and quickly) explained to staff that you were willing to purchase a drink or snack but, as this was an emergency involving a minor needing assistance, had to race to the bathroom before standing in line.

Some robotic people are inflexible with any "laws." Your daughter is going to have to learn that when dodging into bathrooms, she may encounter bathroom "police," and that might try and ruin her day by barking out nasty things. During one of many surreal "public" bathroom nightmares in a Mc Donald's on Canal Street in Chinatown, an employee screamed at a friend and me for using the bathroom without purchasing food as if we had murdered her child. She was ready to follow us out on the street -- in her Mc Donald's uniform -- and make sure the entire world heard how we had shamefully broken a bathroom rule. While I was upset, I still feel sorry for that person -- how sad that shouting at people for using a Mc Donald's bathroom is what gives her a sense of importance. Frankly, looking back, I wonder why we did not shell out a $1 to buy a small diet coke and wonder if we were sticking to our elitest notions that -- although we were perfectlly comfortable using their bathroom -- spending money in Mc Donalds was unacceptable.

Part of surviving in the city is memorizing a list of restrooms in every neighborhood that provide immediate access to non-paying public. Does anyone have a good list we can quietly circulate?

Sometimes businesses realize it's simply good public relations to provide bathroom service. For example, in Manhattan's Flat Iron District, I only buy clothes in stores that let the public use their bathrooms. I am more willing to spend money on business that understands my immediate needs.

In the perfect world, 1) all public bathrooms would be clean, stocked with toilet paper, toilet seat covers, paper towels, hand sanitizers and FREE tampons, 2) people would not pee on toilet seats, 3) toilets would not get clogged, 4) the public would not throw paper towels into the toilet, 5) there would never be long lines to use bathrooms, 6) staff and public would treat everyone -- no matter what age, ethnicity, or health condition -- with mutual respect.

It's a shame that your daughter, and anyone else for that matter, is ever attacked and made to feel humiliated for doing something us humans cannot doing.