More PS mommy fun!
Comments
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brooklynpotter wrote: my mom recently came to visit and in the course of our half hour walk we saw at least, no lie, 10 people with double strollers with twins in them.
Did you know that you are more likely to have twins if you are over 30 (not including fertility drugs), Americans have the most twins of any country because of the hormones put in milk, if you take the pill you are more likely to have twins when you go off. And of course, if you wait to have your kids until after 35 and have fertility problems, obviously you are more likely to have twins. I have twins and know all about them and the judgmental looks and rude questions I get. And yes, they do run in my family and yes i am over 35. -
I know somebody who started a business for twins and triplets (greeting cards, gifts, etc) because there are so many more of them around now with fertility drugs
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African-American women are more likely to have twins than any other race. Asian and Native Americans have the lowest twinning rates. Caucasian women, especially those over age 35, have the highest rate of higher-order multiple births (triplets or more).
The Yoruba tribe of Nigeria exhibits one of the highest rates of twinning out of forty five births as fraternal twins. -
Livetotravel wrote: African-American women are more likely to have twins than any other race. Asian and Native Americans have the lowest twinning rates. Caucasian women, especially those over age 35, have the highest rate of higher-order multiple births (triplets or more).
but the multiple birth thing for caucasian women doesnt really count its cause by the fertility drugs.
The Yoruba tribe of Nigeria exhibits one of the highest rates of twinning out of forty five births as fraternal twins. -
kensingtonmom wrote: [quote=brooklynpotter]my mom recently came to visit and in the course of our half hour walk we saw at least, no lie, 10 people with double strollers with twins in them.
Did you know that you are more likely to have twins if you are over 30 (not including fertility drugs), Americans have the most twins of any country because of the hormones put in milk, if you take the pill you are more likely to have twins when you go off. And of course, if you wait to have your kids until after 35 and have fertility problems, obviously you are more likely to have twins. I have twins and know all about them and the judgmental looks and rude questions I get. And yes, they do run in my family and yes i am over 35.
ok, i wasn't judging! twins are fabulous, i think, because you don't have to go through labor more than once.
km, you need a drink bunny. i won't tell anyone. -
brooklynpotter wrote: [quote=kensingtonmom][quote=brooklynpotter]my mom recently came to visit and in the course of our half hour walk we saw at least, no lie, 10 people with double strollers with twins in them.
Did you know that you are more likely to have twins if you are over 30 (not including fertility drugs), Americans have the most twins of any country because of the hormones put in milk, if you take the pill you are more likely to have twins when you go off. And of course, if you wait to have your kids until after 35 and have fertility problems, obviously you are more likely to have twins. I have twins and know all about them and the judgmental looks and rude questions I get. And yes, they do run in my family and yes i am over 35.
ok, i wasn't judging! twins are fabulous, i think, because you don't have to go through labor more than once.
km, you need a drink bunny. i won't tell anyone.
I wont tell either but will take pictures of her drinking to black mail
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armchair_warrior wrote: [quote=brooklynpotter][quote=kensingtonmom][quote=brooklynpotter]my mom recently came to visit and in the course of our half hour walk we saw at least, no lie, 10 people with double strollers with twins in them.
Did you know that you are more likely to have twins if you are over 30 (not including fertility drugs), Americans have the most twins of any country because of the hormones put in milk, if you take the pill you are more likely to have twins when you go off. And of course, if you wait to have your kids until after 35 and have fertility problems, obviously you are more likely to have twins. I have twins and know all about them and the judgmental looks and rude questions I get. And yes, they do run in my family and yes i am over 35.
ok, i wasn't judging! twins are fabulous, i think, because you don't have to go through labor more than once.
km, you need a drink bunny. i won't tell anyone.
I wont tell either but will take pictures of her drinking to black mail.
Thanks but I actually just came in from having beers with friends.
And twins are fantastic. I am a big fan of twins personally (except for the first three months of insanity). But people do think that your uterus is open for discussion when they see twins which is just rude frankly. -
Well, people think all kinds of things are open for discussion that are truly none of their business - e.g. "when are you going to get married?", "don't you want any children? Why not?" "how much money do you make?"
I could go on and on. Being slightly irreverant (I'm sure you're all SHOCKED
), I usually have some snappy come back.
If all else fails, a "why do you ask?" usually puts them in an awkward position -
Flexichick wrote: Well, people think all kinds of things are open for discussion that are truly none of their business - e.g. "when are you going to get married?", "don't you want any children? Why not?" "how much money do you make?"
brava, flexi. i'm so tired of hearing about the children i "could" have, at my age (even though i never wanted any to begin with) because, you know, "they're doing all kinds of things with fertility these days! even 50 year old women can have babies!"
I could go on and on. Being slightly irreverant (I'm sure you're all SHOCKED ), I usually have some snappy come back.
If all else fails, a "why do you ask?" usually puts them in an awkward position
at this point i look at them and say two words: egg donor. that pretty much shuts up anyone inquiring about the status of my uterus. -
Seriously - "why do you ask?" while looking at them right in the eye usually makes them squirm.
Nobody has the balls to say "because I'm nosey".
If they say "I'm just curious", I say "why?"
It's not quite rude (certainly not as rude as the person who asked) and it usually gets the point across (that said, a direct "none of your fucking business" does the trick, too!) -
you guys dont know how lucky you are. you know how hard is it for a guy to get pregnant!!!
I been wanting kids since forever!
anyway egg cost a ton and surrogate cost another arm to carry the baby.
you guys could just walk into any bar and get stupid guys to donate sperm. -
AW, keep in mind that not wanting kids is a perfectly valid choice for many women and the pressure to marry and reproduce is NOT FUN - seems everybody thinks they have a right to voice their opinion about something that truly is none of their business.
So, I'm sure it is difficult to want a kid and not be able to have one (biologically), life on the other side of the fence is not easy either. -
Flexichick wrote: AW, keep in mind that not wanting kids is a perfectly valid choice for many women and the pressure to marry and reproduce is NOT FUN - seems everybody thinks they have a right to voice their opinion about something that truly is none of their business.
I respect your choice of not wanting kids
So, I'm sure it is difficult to want a kid and not be able to have one (biologically), life on the other side of the fence is not easy either.
. i'm just jealous of all ladies thats all. -
Flexichick wrote: So, I'm sure it is difficult to want a kid and not be able to have one (biologically), life on the other side of the fence is not easy either.
Totally agree. I think people really feel they can ask women even more than men about very personal things. Kids are not for everyone but people want everyone to be a member of the same tribe. Actually when people ask me if my kids are "natural" (like I got them at the coop in the organic section), or if I got "a little help," I just look at them blank faced and say, "huh? nobody has ever asked me that before" and leave it at that. -
i don't know why it's always so shocking when people say absolutely inappropriate things... happens all the time, yet each time i'm taken aback.
if one more person asks me is my hair is "mine" i'll scream. -
yah, one thing is asking a FRIEND something and doing it in private, another thing is when a complete stranger asks you something.......esp. in public. I'm always thinking "WTF is wrong with you?!" :?
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brooklynpotter wrote:
Steve Allen had the perfect comeback for that one:
if one more person asks me is my hair is "mine" i'll scream.
"No, but it will be after 3 more payments." -
my friend says something similiar when asked if her hair is "hers". She said "I bought it, that makes it mine".
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Flexichick wrote: my friend says something similiar when asked if her hair is "hers". She said "I bought it, that makes it mine".
and youcan't even imagine (though you likely can) what red-heads get asked all the time. constantly. (and don't even think about asking) -
brooklynpotter wrote:
I think we can all imagine.
and youcan't even imagine (though you likely can) what red-heads get asked all the time. constantly. (and don't even think about asking)
People are so rude. My kids are very close in age and people have always felt free to ask me if that was planned. Or they do this wink wink thing and say, "You were busy, huh?" Um, yeah, I had sex twice within fifteen months, busy busy. The worst was when they were babies. Total strangers would come up to me on the street and say, "Are they yours? Really? You look too young to have two kids!" as if I was 15 years old. I could not believe that complete strangers would just approach me and initiate these conversations. :x -
Just curious for any men who read this thread--
Do acquaintances ask you--
when are you getting married?
Why is a good looking guy like you not married?
When are you going to have kids?
Such a shame, why don't you have kids?
Are there invasive questions that strangers and acquaintances ask men? For women it does always seem to be about the uterus or the wedding finger. I don't think men get that but I am curious if there is some kind of recurrent question men get--is it about jobs? Income? -
kensingtonmom wrote: Just curious for any men who read this thread--
i'd hazard a guess that the only question they ever get asked is, "Why is a good looking guy like you not married?"
Do acquaintances ask you--
when are you getting married?
Why is a good looking guy like you not married?
When are you going to have kids?
Such a shame, why don't you have kids?
Are there invasive questions that strangers and acquaintances ask men? For women it does always seem to be about the uterus or the wedding finger. I don't think men get that but I am curious if there is some kind of recurrent question men get--is it about jobs? Income? -
When I lived in the midwest and first married - I was pressured a lot from both relatives and my boss (believe it or not - who thought a married man with kid was more stable - LOL!)
I am infrequently asked now if I have kids - like flexichick said - an unbeliveably intrusive query.
I am married to a woman of child-bearing age who never wants kids. She is continually questioned and harrassed by co-workers who feel free to tell her things like - having kids defines you as a woman - you'll be sorry later when you're older and don't have kids around - what happens if your husband dies and leaves you alone - and other such comments.
My wife goes more than a little bit ballistic in return ;-)
The thing that I am constantly asked is "What do you do?" I hate that shit - it is an attempt on behalf of the asker to categorize me, label me, put me into some contectualized universe that the asker is comfortable with. My standard reply is always "why do you ask?" followed by "aren't you curious about who I am?" -
Livetotravel wrote: I am infrequently asked now if I have kids - like flexichick said - an unbeliveably intrusive query.
I guess it is how it is asked....because sometimes people just are looking for a common ground and kids can be like an icebreaker the way a dog is at the park. Just something in common. Before I had kids, that question never really bothered me. It was just an assumption that if I was married then I might have kids?? But a boss asking you WHEN you are having kids is pretty obnoxious. And I noticed that the comments your wife gets are much more intrusive then what you get. -
kensingtonmom wrote: [quote=Livetotravel]I am infrequently asked now if I have kids - like flexichick said - an unbeliveably intrusive query.
I guess it is how it is asked....because sometimes people just are looking for a common ground and kids can be like an icebreaker the way a dog is at the park. Just something in common. Before I had kids, that question never really bothered me. It was just an assumption that if I was married then I might have kids?? But a boss asking you WHEN you are having kids is pretty obnoxious. And I noticed that the comments your wife gets are much more intrusive then what you get.
i think we (women) get the questions more because traditionally we're supposed to be breeders. -
no question - some people feel very free to make assumptions about women that they would never make about men.
I don't have to tell you what a raging debate it is in our culture about having or not having kids and then if you have them about working or staying home.
These debates are interconnected, multlayered and very complex.
A childless woman is looked at as either selfish or as "having issues," or just plain weird, or all three. There isn't much understanding in our culture of the significance of a woman being able to choose to be childless - of what contribution that may have to the health and wellness of her as an individual or to our society as a whole.
If more real thought went into the question about being a parent I think we'd all be better off. -
Livetotravel wrote:
i have issues and i'm weird, and neither is the reason i don't have children.
A childless woman is looked at as either selfish or as "having issues," or just plain weird, or all three.
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well of course the real reason is never what is perceived to be the reason - praytell, want to share?
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I am all three.
My favorite response to "Do you have kids?"
me: "None that I know of"
turn that snarky male answer around :-)
I know I'm guilty of asking people what they do.........but NOT as the first question.......and not because I am trying to categorize them as "a type", but more often because I am looking to network (I need a job) and/or to find more common ground to talk about.
Like somebody above me said, it depends on the context. If somebody says "Do you have kids?" because they might want to set up a playdate or something, that's one thing. If it's followed by "Why not?" that's when I get annoyed. -
Livetotravel wrote: well of course the real reason is never what is perceived to be the reason - praytell, want to share?
do you mean the reasons i don't have children? they're long and complicated. i was never sure if i wanted a child, i knew only that if i were to have children i really only wanted one. that was never in question. i didn't really want to be pregnant, or give birth. i don't know that i really ever wanted to be a mother, actually. i wanted to have a child who was mine, biologically, combined with the biology of the man i loved. i wanted to know what she/he'd look like, be like, act like, resemble.
at 40, i've yet to find that man i love that much, and the decision's been made. (and please i urge you never, EVER, to tell a woman my age about all the new fertility options. i'll sock you one. because you don't know my health history, or life history. rant over)
that's my reason. i've only ever wanted to find someone to share my life with. i have to believe he's out there. (please don't say, "of course he is!" because in reality it just makes us single women get our hopes up, that perhaps you know something that we don't.)
these are the reasons we don't want the questions asked. and i, myself, asked them to a lot of women when i was in my 20s, because i didn't understand that sometimes the words were like rubbing salt in wounds.
so, i've shared.
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