More PS mommy fun!
Comments
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brooklynpotter wrote: my mom recently came to visit and in the course of our half hour walk we saw at least, no lie, 10 people with double strollers with twins in them.
There's a set of triplets I often see in South Slope / Windsor Terrace. They get pushed around in this loooooooong stroller... Can't imagine how anybody juggles triplets (twins has to be bad enoguh when it comes to feeding etc.).
And on the subject of inappropriate questions... As the parent of one child I get so pissed off with people who ask "When's he getting a brother or sister?" and then go on to accuse me of being selfish when I say we're done, he's plenty. thank you (and think to myself "Mind your own fuckin' bidness"). :x -
brooklynpotter - thanks - I thought that was both courageous and super-honest and is absolutely case-in-point as to the complexities of the issue.
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kensingtonmom wrote: Just curious for any men who read this thread--
I've gotten all those questions.
Do acquaintances ask you--
when are you getting married?
Why is a good looking guy like you not married?
When are you going to have kids?
Such a shame, why don't you have kids?
Are there invasive questions that strangers and acquaintances ask men? For women it does always seem to be about the uterus or the wedding finger. I don't think men get that but I am curious if there is some kind of recurrent question men get--is it about jobs? Income? -
Livetotravel wrote: brooklynpotter - thanks - I thought that was both courageous and super-honest and is absolutely case-in-point as to the complexities of the issue.
you're welcome. i really questioned myself as i was writing it, whether or not i should be sharing something so personal, etc. but i think there's a greater good if it stops others from asking the prodding questions that make us insane. -
-Some people never feel "maternal" and that's okay too.
-Some know that the "burden" of child-raising often (not always, so don't get all crazy on me) falls heavier on them
- Some women don't want to quit (or put on hold) their careers and don't have a job/career that is flexible enough to do it all
- Some women don't think their partners would make good parents
-Some women have medical issues that would make pregnancy difficult or impossible. They're often personal.
- Some people don't have the patience to raise children
- Some people don't want to change their lifestyles (travel, money, sleep, career, body (yes, it will change for a woman, in case you haven't noticed)).
Just some of the MANY reasons why some people don't/can't/won't have children. Almost all of them are none of your business and are inappropriate to ask unless you are close enough with the person to share YOUR intimate decisions with them. -
Flexichick wrote: -Some people never feel "maternal" and that's okay too.
i feel maternal towards my cat. (and no, not a crazy cat lady. ONE cat. no cat tote bags, no cat earrings, no cat statuettes, no cat tattoos) -
coco wrote: I find the little rascals in this neighborhood so ill-mannered too. Have you ever eaten at Two Boots? When I first moved here I tried it and it made me want to go home and tie my own tubes. The kids are out of control...
(1) I too hate it when parents make no effort to control their kids, even at a "kid-friendly" restaurant, particularly because it makes it that much harder to control my own. And I had the same reaction to Two Boots when my childless self first went there. But I also soon realized that...
(2) ...if I didn't want to be annoyed by other people's kids, it was probably a good idea to visit one of our many neighborhood establishments other than one that is basically Chuck E Cheese with andouille. I mean, this is like me moving to Boca and complaining about all the cheap old people on line at Sizzler at 5:30 p.m. -
my wife calls our two Pekes her "boys."
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prusik wrote: And on the subject of inappropriate questions... As the parent of one child I get so pissed off with people who ask "When's he getting a brother or sister?" and then go on to accuse me of being selfish when I say we're done, he's plenty. thank you (and think to myself "Mind your own fuckin' bidness"). :x
OMG - I am with you on that one. I actually had someone tell me recently "when are you having another one your not getting any younger" -
Brooklyn Potter that was a very good post. I wish you luck. At least taking the child part off the table is somewhat freeing so that you don't feel pressure to marry the first semi-reasonable idiot that comes along. I hope you find someone.
I would like to say that deciding to have children is also a complicated decision. I would say that most of my friends with children were not the goo goo maternal baby loving types. I never really cared for babies at all, didn't want to be pregnant and actually hated being pregnant. I was so sick of everyone touching my stomach and feeling trapped by my enormous (twins) stomach. And the first few months for me and many of my friends was not happy baby bliss. Then you wonder.....what is wrong with ME that this is not the happiest moment of my life? Anyway, anybody who has a life and isn't 22 usually does grapple somewhat with the decision. In my case, I am not sure what made me take the leap. For me, I am happy I did but I also see how much I gave up in order to gain something else.
By the way I know the triplets mom and that was actually quadruplets to start with and one died. Fertility treatments gone wild on a fundamentalist. I always felt very sad that the one baby never left the hospital and spent a year of its life in the NICU--never had fresh air or saw sunlight. O.K. don't want to get too controversial, but can't help thinking reducing one would have been the kinder choice in the long run. -
thanks km.
i thought having kids off the table would help in regard to dating. actually, it's worse. nobody except senior citizens wants to date a non-breeder. many men will tell you they're not sure about kids, that they'd be fine without kids, but they won't ever take the chance of having it off the table from the get-go. -
People say "you'll regret not having kids when you're old". Better than regretting the kids you have now, no?
It's all about personal choice. Have 'em, don't have 'em, but mind your own business. You take care of your body/choices, and I'll take care of mine. -
my parents had me relatively late (when they were 29). apparently before they had me, my dad's stock answer to any "when are you having babies?" questions was "oh, we're looking for the manual. once we figure it out ..." after they had me and decided on no more kids, the answer was "we lost the manual."
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brooklynpotter wrote: [quote=Flexichick]-Some people never feel "maternal" and that's okay too.
i feel maternal towards my cat. (and no, not a crazy cat lady. ONE cat. no cat tote bags, no cat earrings, no cat statuettes, no cat tattoos)
Hey, I just gave my cat his own glass of lemonade, so I understand
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Flexichick wrote: [quote=brooklynpotter][quote=Flexichick]-Some people never feel "maternal" and that's okay too.
i feel maternal towards my cat. (and no, not a crazy cat lady. ONE cat. no cat tote bags, no cat earrings, no cat statuettes, no cat tattoos)
Hey, I just gave my cat his own glass of lemonade, so I understand
yours likes lemondade? mine goes all berzerko and googly eyed for carrots and olives. seriously, i eat olives and she tries to stick her head in my mouth. -
alafairnadia wrote: my parents had me relatively late (when they were 29). apparently before they had me, my dad's stock answer to any "when are you having babies?" questions was "oh, we're looking for the manual. once we figure it out ..." after they had me and decided on no more kids, the answer was "we lost the manual."
29 is relatively late? I was 49 (and my wife 39) when we had ours. Which is just one more reason we don't want any more (this one wears old folks like us out). -
my mom had me at 30 and beforehand her mother was embarrassed to go to the supermarket for fear people would ask when my mom was going to have a baby
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alafairnadia wrote: my parents had me relatively late (when they were 29). apparently before they had me, my dad's stock answer to any "when are you having babies?" questions was "oh, we're looking for the manual. once we figure it out ..." after they had me and decided on no more kids, the answer was "we lost the manual."
Got a friend whose dad had his last child in his 70's. The unfortunate result was that he ended up having his social security garnished to make child support payments. We used him as a cautionary tale. -
Damn, last post was me :evil:
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prusik wrote: [quote=alafairnadia]my parents had me relatively late (when they were 29). apparently before they had me, my dad's stock answer to any "when are you having babies?" questions was "oh, we're looking for the manual. once we figure it out ..." after they had me and decided on no more kids, the answer was "we lost the manual."
29 is relatively late? I was 49 (and my wife 39) when we had ours. Which is just one more reason we don't want any more (this one wears old folks like us out).
well, I'm 31, so that was in 1974-75. apparently they got harassed constantly from the point they were married until they finally had me. allegedly they also got married late. who knows? no one pressures me about anything, most of my friends aren't married and I live in NYC, not Ohio, so I just figure my 'rents know what they're talking about when they tell me their tales. -
Waaaaaaaaay back in the day, my mom was 33 and my dad 39 was I was born.
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My mom was 33 when she had me. Late for her generation.
Yes, my cat likes lemonade. He doesn't really care about "people food", but he really likes very cold drinks. I had another cat who went bonkers for Stove Top stuffing and didn't care about anything else.
I have a friend who has 14 biological children with the same wife. I figure he had my share (and BP's share and several other people's share, too). -
Flexichick wrote: My mom was 33 when she had me. Late for her generation.
yikes. can you imagine birthing 14 babies? (and my "selfish" mind is thinking, what could her body possibly look like now?)
Yes, my cat likes lemonade. He doesn't really care about "people food", but he really likes very cold drinks. I had another cat who went bonkers for Stove Top stuffing and didn't care about anything else.
I have a friend who has 14 biological children with the same wife. I figure he had my share (and BP's share and several other people's share, too). -
There are 2 sets of twins in there (including the last 2). She started at 20 and the last ones were at around 46. I only know her husband, but I've seen pictures of his wife and she's petite and still slender. Go figure.
The whole house is divided into chores. He says he better not come home and find his wife doing anything around the house or the kids are in trouble.
Also, they are raised to know that at the age of 18 they either get out or pay rent. They all did one or the other - they pay for their own college, some joined the service, etc. -
Flexichick wrote: I only know her husband, but I've seen pictures of his wife and she's petite and still slender. Go figure..
yeah, but you haven't seen her without clothes on... (not saying women shouldn't have babies, just that doing so changes your body) -
brooklynpotter wrote: yeah, but you haven't seen her without clothes on... (not saying women shouldn't have babies, just that doing so changes your body)
Word to your mother. -
kosherdave wrote: [quote=Drano]Eh, I can't really begrudge anyone the stroller - you have a baby or toddler and need to do a lot of walking, it's necessary. The killer for me is occasionally seeing 5 and 6 year-olds being pushed around. I don't get that.
Agreed. I think this is part of the reason we have soooo many fat kids. I really really dislike fat kids. They gross me out (sorry I'm crabby and have spent a lot of time at the gym this and last month).
Couldn't agree with you more. No apologies needed. Obese kids is a sad situation. Shame on their parents. -
Anonymous wrote:
i'd be curious to know the socio-econonomic info on those with the most obese children.
Couldn't agree with you more. No apologies needed. Obese kids is a sad situation. Shame on their parents.
i spend a ridiculous amount of $$ on food, because so much of it's fresh produce and i rarely buy processed food. (ok, occasionally...) but. cheap/inexpensive food is bad for you: fast food, frozen dinners, generic fruit loops, spagettios, subsidized school lunches, soda vs. juice...
not saying that wealthy/well off/comfortably fixed families don't have a weight problem, just that crap food is often far cheaper. -
brooklynpotter, I think there have been studies that have linked obesity to economic status and shown that more nutritious food is more expensive. I don't think that's a very controversial statement. Google "socioeconomic status obesity"--you'll get tons of hits.
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Sad thing is, we tried like hell to get lower income families subsidised PH CSA shares. It was ridiculous, something like $10/week and less for enough organic veggies to feed an average family of 4. We almost couldn't give'm away.
Why have veggies when you can have Little Debbie snack cakes? :roll:
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