NYPD to begin arresting all cyclists in June 2011.
Comments
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good! i heard Rikers is running low on pretty hipsters to sodomize. the inmates there should be happy about this news.
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Yeah well in the extremely unlikely event that this is true, I think that the Supreme Court of the United States will have a lot to say about this.
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looking forward to trying out the Rikers velodrome
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And the police have nothing better to do than to arrest bicycle riders and dump them in an over-populated detention center? Dumb rumor! Even if the bike riders in question are total assholes, the cops are not going to do anything more except issue tickets.
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In related news, internet trolls will be rounded up and shipped off to the prisoner colonies in Australia.
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Australia stopped accepting other countries' criminals one hundred and fifty years ago. In fact if you migrate to Australia, do not take out citizenship and commit a criminal offense, you are likely to get deported as soon as you are released from jail, no matter how long you've lived there.
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Well I guess we'll just have to send them to New Jersey then.
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This is extremely serious and is nothing to play around with! Also, if you really think you want to try out Rikers Island, you better watch the TV program "Lockdown". And you shall see that jail and prison are way far worse than just being locked in a small, cramped room all day. Jail/prison is an extremely violent place. Gang bangers around every corner, they mark off territory and never let anyone even cross through their boundaries, making the facility all the more dangerous. Inmates make damaging/injurous weapons out of anything, even out of stuff as harmless as coffee cup lids, toothbrushes, and newspaper, and they lash out at you with those cell made weapons without warning, and those inmates are clever enough to make those weapons damaging enough to send you to the emergency room. Fights and riots are a nearly daily occurance, and prison staff never care about inmate's safety and/or well being. And as if the food in jail/prison isn't grose enough, some inmates will throw urine and feces on your food, some may even mix urine and feces into your food.
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and now for an actual report on prison safety and conditions
http://www.docs.state.ny.us/PressRel/06CommissionerRpt/06PrisonSafetyRpt.pdf -
I don't need you to tell me how bad it is in prison. I watched "Oz". All of the episodes!
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What is this crap?
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Does anyone have any information on what will really be happening? My boyfriend rides his bike to work everyday and while your smart alec answers are very amusing, I'd like to be able to tell him what he actually needs to know. :-s :-s
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ligeia, you let him know that the internet message boards are not reliable sources of news.
...and that he should continue to enjoy his daily commute.
...and that he should dress warmly, now that winter is arriving.
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ligeia this post is complete b.s. Ignore it.
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For the purposes of the round-up, are humans considered human-driven vehicles?
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stewart wrote 5 minutes ago »
For the purposes of the round-up, are humans considered human-driven vehicles?You are totally on to something.
When one thinks about it, cars are also human driven vehicles!
OMG, everyone is at risk! They are going to arrest us all!
....wait, airtrain passengers might be safe. That train has no human driver.
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Ligeia;
Your boyfriend will really quickly need to find an alternative form of transportation to and from work in New York City, because he is about to end up on Rikers Island! What he really needs to know is that all forms of human driven vehicles, including bicycles, are illegal in all of New York City and Long Island. He is going to have to either take the bus or the train, or learn how to drive a car. The only vehicles that are legal in New York City and on Long Island are automobiles and trains. Otherwise, he will have to either walk to and from work, or move out of New York City/Long Island.
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In April 2011, all bicyclists arrested in New York City will go straight to jail, no questions asked. And they will remain in jail until their court date, in which they will be tried in court and then sent to Rikers Island to serve their sentence.
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Thank you oh so much! I'm selling my bike now, before the value takes a hit with all the illegality goin' on. My only other question - are my shoes going to be considered to be human driven vehicles? Do I need to sell them, too? Gotta get the ducks in a row - April 1, 2011 will be here before you know it! (or was it June? that's what you said the first time around)
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They also said the world was going to end in 2000, and several times before that.
Now they say 2012.
....doom is like a carrot on a stick.
P.S. I still wanna know who drives the trains and the cars if not humans.
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You'd think -- what with the recession forcing so many overqualified paraprofessionals into below-living-wage work and even into unpaid volunteering for nonprofits just to keep the resume active -- that Transportation Alternatives would still be a little more selective about their interns.
Though now, enlightened about the conspiracy against human-driven vehicles, I'm hoping to hear about the missing link between Williamsburg's hipsters-meet-Hasidim Traif Bike Shop and the international Jewish conspiracy to destroy the World Trade Center to make the Arabs look bad and help the Christian zionists support Israel.
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Josh,
The first place that I would look for that missing link is Area 51. -
In addition to bicycles, by the way, NYPD will also begin arresting starting in April 2011 any person in posession and/or operation of the following human propelled vehicles;
Unicycles
Tricycles
Quadricycles
Pedicabs
Big wheels
Rollerblades
Roller skates
Skate boards
"Wheelie" shoes (those shoes with the wheel built into the rear sole)
And any other type of wheeled conveyance capable of being used as a human powered vehicle.
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I am a bit shocked that nobody has yet tagged this post with "Quadricycle."
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send them off to New Jersey
You forgot that the Constitution still forbids cruel and unusual punishment.
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this is, by a wide margin, the oddest trolling I've seen in a while.
Howdy, Stranger!
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