Noisy Neighbors

jeffrey wrote:

paging modsquad2.0 and his sawzall...

vausmus, Dwight Eisenhower once said, "Sometimes you have to expand a problem in order to solve it."

You'll find no one really cares about your noise problem. Telling you to go back to Ohio or take your blue ox and hit the road. I manage small buildings for a living and I can tell you most LLs dismiss a single noise complaint or give little effort to resolving it. If you can mobilize the rest of the building to complain then read no further!

Management does not have to do anything for you legally. Unfortunately this is considered a de minimis condition. Noise caused by another tenant does not reach a threshhold for withholding or reducing rent.

The only way to solve a noise problem (when all reason has failed) is to become a bigger asshole then the person making the problem for you.

In my case I held my whole building hostage by attaching sawzalls to the buildings sprinkler and steam pipes because of my next door neighbor's refusal to turn the music down. Problem was solved in one evening. At first they turned it off and then tried to retaliate by turning it on again louder. I turned the sawzalls back on and let them run and run and run for hours. I met everyone in the building that night and explained politely why I was doing it. Did the landlord call? Of course, everyone was calling him. I became the bigger problem and the solution was easy. It's been years now and sitting in my rocking chair I smile at the indentations and bright scuff marks on the 2 inch risers but I still keep one saw wedged against a pipe just in case. I think the willingness to retaliate and not just respond equally made the difference.

You can use just a hammer but put ear plugs in. Seroiusly, doing something like this takes a lot of courage and once deciding to do this you have to follow through, no going back.

Thanks for remembering Jeffrey....

Spellcheck? I'm dyeing hear!

modsquad2.0 wrote:

Spellcheck? I'm dyeing hear!

Knock yehhself out. (have a look)

first, i had to look up the word "sawzall." i thought it would all come together for me. but once i did that, i still couldn't picture what was done with the sawzall. i'm trying to wrap my head around the mechanics of what was done and i'm wanting to picture great things... but i can't figure it out.

as for the original issue, i had a similar experience in a small building a few years ago. i went to my lease, which was pretty standard, and found a clause which basically said that tenants were required to live in a respectful manner with regard to noise, cleanliness, and i don't recall what else. then myself and the others went to the building management and expressed that we unanimously agreed that these people were not meeting this condition even after being approached on several very civil occasions.

the management approached them and told them that they were concerned. the people said basically "it's our apartment, we can do what we want." the management terminated their lease for cause and they were gone within a week.

i think we were fortunate to have responsible management and i'm sure not everyone would be as lucky. but I'm very glad we were able to solve it in such a straightforward manner because i don't own a sawzall.

the cheesy motel description is one that i connect to very naturally. so i've got it now.

well played!

Damn, I was going to say - first I always try to at least talk to them person to person.

I had a noisy neighbor in the last building I lived. I found that since they were so noisy late at night, a good way to get back at them was for me to be very noisy very early in the morning. I'd push the buzzer on their apartment several times as I left for work each morning at 7:30. As soon as I woke up, I'd play music very loud in their direction - I even bought a sub-woofer that was directionally pointed at them. They quickly understood how annoying it was when they were trying to sleep. People who are rude and noisy at night need to be taught a lesson.

Different, but similar

http://brooklynian.com/forum/park-slope/protocol-on-noisy-neighbor-sex-against-my-bedroom-wall

Maybe this is extreme but I would say that if you have tried your hardest to talk to them, and you have contacted your landlord and they have done nothing, can you call 311 or the police to lodge a formal noise complaint?

I have no idea if it is effective but I imagine it would get the attention of your landlord. I don't know about the legality when it comes to noise complaints, and I realize this is particularly un-neighborly, but seems like this is a really bad situation.

It’s ridiculous and absurd that someone should make a problem worse or be a bigger nuisance in order to get a problem solved. But I’ve lived here long enough that I don’t doubt that is often the case. Also, people often don’t respond well to politeness.

Assuming you’re going to have to go with the Eisenhower method, I don’t know if making more noise is going to work. They sound very loud and may not even hear it. But everyone has to sleep and if they’re awake when you’re trying to sleep then they must be asleep at some point when you are awake. Then making a lot of noise might work – if you’re home at the time.

You also may have to get creative when thinking of ways to get rid of them. This could be a fun group brainstorming session here. Off the top of my head let’s see … I don’t know if the police would bother if you called them and told them your neighbors are smoking pot. But if you make anonymous calls to the police from a pay phone saying that the neighbors apt is a crack den, then the police may decide to come by and check it out. They might not find crack, but when they smell the pot they’ll have to do something about it – even if they don’t want to.

… or put an ad in Craigslist selling pot, but don’t say that. Refer to it as a 420 serivce – pick up or delivery. Include the neighbor’s address in the post, and phone number if you got it. And post it from a public computer. The police monitor that site for sex and drug trade.

. .. That they are below you gives you a big advantage, and at least be glad they’re not above you. If you have any bare floors in your apartment wear soccer cleats. You can also try flooding your bathroom so it leaks downstairs.

And if all else fails, you can always dress up like a ghost and scare them away. That usually works – just be wary of a van load of meddling teenagers and a great dane who like to solve mysteries.

Oh, and for reference material on how to get rid of a neighbor, I suggest watching the 1990 film Pacific Heights and doing what Michael Keaton’s character does. The roach breeding move seems particularly effective. Actually what he really does that works is he provokes Matthew Modine into beating him up and then gets a restraining order so Modine has to move out. That’s one way to go.

Any other ideas?

whynot_31 wrote:

For example, one could place an ad on craigslist stating that the noisy apartment was for rent. Potential renters would be given the address and a time to come by when the present tenants were usually there.

Of course, a clueless interaction between the potential renters and the present tenants would ensue.

....but your hope is that the present tenants jump to the conclusion (without any obvious involvement on your part) that he/she is about to be evicted as a result of their behavior.

.....and will then stop said behavior.

The only harm in this scenario is to the hapless dozens of apartment hunters who knock at the door of what they believe to be a "no fee" apartment that is advertised a little under market. ....their search merely becomes a few hours longer.

I have a feeling someone did this once...I showed up with my mom, a bunch of other folks showed, too, in the pouring rain, and no sign of an open house.

Anyhow, my sympathies to the OP. I'm currently dealing with a noise situation, too - mine complicated by the fact that it is the people in the building next door causing the problem (so I can't complain to the LL). I can't tell you how many times I've tried ringing their doorbell when they come home drunk and shout along to loud music. The bummer is that the music is good - I just don't want to hear it in my bed through earplugs at 3am on a Tuesday... Good luck.

See what I mean? Most people are only interested in smelling their own farts.

Piano, you frighten me, that last suggestion, in particular, is Machiavellian!