Guy with knife

Right. I don't think sterlingGuy needs to defend his actions to me or anyone...I wasn't blaming the victim. I just don't understand why nothing was done about it--i.e. "they said it was a crime for sure, but they just felt that it would be tough to find them at this point and the older cop's theory was that older kid was going to kick the knife-guy's ass for being so drunk and stupid"--the cops aren't paid to sit on their asses and theorize that someone else will take care of things for them. How ridiculous is that?

It's a little more than drunk & stupid to pull a knife on someone, it's violent behavior. What kind of person does that? Someone with mental problems.

Also, Brueckelen, that's an unfortunate incident but does it suggest that if someone threatens me with a knife I shouldn't expect the cops to catch the guy because the cops might overreact? Or if i hear shots fired i shouldn't report it because the cops would overreact? I think the overreaction was on the part of the cops, not the people who reported shots being fired...

SterlingGuy, I really didn't mean to insinuate that you didn't act as you needed to when you were in the situation, you followed your intuition and I am just glad you and your wife are safe because of that...and of course anyone in that situation should deal with it whatever way they feel is most appropriate...it's not like you had any choice in that occuring. i just thought the cops should have treated it more seriously & should have tried to find whoever did that. It's very scary & I was just shocked that the cops didn't follow through.

findcate wrote: SterlingGuy, I really didn't mean to insinuate that you didn't act as you needed to when you were in the situation, you followed your intuition and I am just glad you and your wife are safe because of that...and of course anyone in that situation should deal with it whatever way they feel is most appropriate...it's not like you had any choice in that occuring. i just thought the cops should have treated it more seriously & should have tried to find whoever did that. It's very scary & I was just shocked that the cops didn't follow through.

I'm jumping in here a little late, and I am jumping in here after lurking here for months and not posting. So technically, I have no right to jump in here, but I'm going to anyway. I'm going to because I got mugged a few months ago and when I posted about it some people came back with all the comments and suggestions on what I should have done. And at the time I sort of let it slide. But it pissed me off. So with no further ado...

findcate, you didn't insinuate he didn't act. You outright stated he didn't act. In your own words he reacted with "ambivalence" and would it take his wife's throat being slit to solicit a "confrontation" from him. I'm not seeing anything insinuated here at all. You said it. And that is victim blaming, start to finish.

the thing is, are you willing to look at your reaction and grow from it or just pretend it wasn't what it was. i think we all catch ourselves from time to time blaming a victim of a crime because it makes us feel safer-- "i'd have done it this way, so therefore it wouldn't happen to me." Its not a pretty reaction when we catch it, but there it is. I catch myself doing it more times than I am proud of. But at least I am willing to own it and work on it. My recommendation, being the self-righteous bitch that I am, apparently, is to suggest you do the same.

SterlingGuy, I am so sorry for what happened. I am so relieved to hear you and your wife are ok. Wish I could offer you more than that, but it is genuine.

findcate wrote: Also, I think blaming the victim is kind of strong language for what I said...when I think of blaming the victim it makes me think of people saying that someone brought a crime on themselves. I just can't comprehend allowing the police to let it go as a case of a drunk kid. Like I said, the next person might not be so lucky.

Again, I am going to argue this here. You'll call it semantics, no doubt. And perhaps the point is subtle. Just the combination of the phrases "I cannot comprehend allowing..." and "the next person might not be so lucky" belies the fact that you are saying SterlingGuy allowed an abuser to walk free and this will result in someone else being hurt.

I don't agree. If someone else gets hurt its because the person with the knife hurt them. Not because the victim of this crime "allowed the police to let it go."

I know I am probably being unnecessarily harsh on you with this. Victim blaming tends to be a sensitive topic to people who have spent years working with victims of assault. I have. So this to me is a big deal. Words belie deeper feelings, and what I am hearing in yours is that SterlingGuy didn't do enough.

findcate wrote: afterwards I would have made the cops find whoever did that to me--if someone pulled a knife on me or my husband I would be calling the mayor's office and my senator if the cops dismissed it...People should be able to feel safe going home. In a civilized, safe society people should not have knives pulled on them on the doorstep of their house. That's why we pay the police to protect us and uphold the law.

You are so Park Slope. Do you have one of those Julia Child-sounding voices as well?

This situation provides a good learning opportunity. There were three clear warning signs here: (1) age of the offenders (young men commit the lion's share of violent crimes) (2) in a group (risk increases further) (3) and under the influence of alcohol. Combined, these factors significantly increase the chances of a crime, especially #3, which is a factor in a disproportionate share of offenses. Also noteworthy is the original poster's "gut feeling", which is often correct.

I'm definitely not placing blame here, just trying to extract useful information after the fact.

Be aware, put away the cell phones and iPods, and follow your instincts, even if it means making a false assumptions. Your safety is more important than the feelings of a total stranger.