A little boy slapped me on the ass tonight

caseopele · May 2007

It happened about 8pm, I was standing in front of the wine store smoking a cigarette and reading a book. Typical 5 minute break for me, I need my nicotine and reading fix. I was leaning against the wall when I feel a smack on my ass. I looked down thinking it might be one of our regular's kids joking around, nope. 5 (or so) year old boy walks by me giving me a look like, "What? What are you going to do?" At this point I am in complete shock that a stranger has slapped me on the ass, and that this stranger is a little boy! I watched him chase his little brother all over the sidewalk while his parents plodded along totally oblivious to what the boys were doing. I didn't know what to say and honestly I don't think I could have formed a coherent sentence. I just stood there dumbfounded looking to see if the parents would notice.

What the hell? This was not a light slap, it was pretty hard for a kid and you could hear it. A customer who happened to be walking into the store a few seconds later saw it and couldn't believe it either. I don't ask for alot from kids in this neighborhood, I see too many parents who don't like to or are unable to actually parent. I'll end that thought here though since I don't want to start another child "hating" debacle.

Can I stand on the street without a kid smacking my ass? Is that too much to ask? What the hell was wrong with their parents that they didn't notice this? Their kids were chasing each other and almost knocked over a guy walking towards them. Please forgive me if I sound pissy, I just don't particularly like strangers smacking me anywhere, especially on the ass.

So ladies, watch out for this kid and protect your posteriors!

meenu · May 2007

I bet a bottle of tequila would have schooled him - either make him drink it or smack him with it.

pitu · May 2007

Maybe we should start a cross-post area titled
"Future Sociopaths of Brooklyn"

oiseau · May 2007

you shoud have grabbed the brat by the ear and dragged him to his oblivious parents and told them off and perhaps even have slapped the mothers ass.

ljnd · May 2007

I do think that telling his parents is a good move - it might have been one of those strange one-offs that kids do sometimes, just to test what's acceptable, and if they're not called on it, it won't be a one-off. Of course, if they are called on it, and the parents do nothing, or look at you like YOU'RE the one with the problem, that won't help matters either.

But I think that's about all you can do. Once when I was in Frankfurt, Germany, I was doing some shopping and these little boys kept chasing me and chucking spitballs at me. Their parents were not around, and I approached a security guard who pretty well figured it was my problem, as I was the conspicuous American. I finally had to leave the street entirely - those kids wouldn't leave me alone and nobody seemed inclined to stop them.

caseopele · May 2007

I really wish I wasn't so shocked so I could've said something. But it was just so bizarre that I had so many thoughts racing around in my mind. It was actually comical, I think I was just standing there with my mouth open. If my brain could talk it would have been stuttering, trying to formulate a coherent sentence.

The funniest thing was when I went back into the store and told my coworker what happened, there were a bunch of customers on line. I said something about the free-range children around here and one of our regulars said, "Yes, but the meat is extremely tender. And I can say that as a parent." He said it so deadpan that everyone just cracked up. Meanwhile, his kids have always been pretty damn well-behaved in the store.

And there were a few comments about what that kid was going to be like when he gets older. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that his parents were almost zombie like. They just kept walking, not talking to each other or the boys, completely ignoring what they were doing. That just added to the bizarreness of the situation. I'm just glad I had a witness!

linusvanpelt · May 2007

1. A couple times I've had little kids hit or say something obnoxious to me when I've been at the playground with me own kids. If the kid's parent isn't on hand to see (which happens at a playground), I have no problem firmly (without raising my voice) scolding someone else's kid in that situation. I'd expect another adult to do the same with my kids. (Not that they'd ever, ever do anything bad in their lives, of course.)

2. How weird is it the parents didn't notice? Impossible to tell without having been there. Even walking down the street with a five-year-old, you're not necessarily watching him like a hawk every second. And kids learn early to detect when their parents aren't looking. I mean there definitely are parents who ignore bad behavior because they just can't be bothered--which is totally obnoxious--but whether these were two of them I couldn't say.

3. This is the best post title of all time.

jamzer · May 2007

Caseopele - where did this happen?

I know it was not my son that smacked you (he is 3 and we were taking a bath at 8:00pm). But he has smacked a couple of asses lately. I have been extremely aplologetic to the victims (two this weekend), and I am trying to teach him that it is not acceptable to do that. I am pretty sure he is not a sociopath, just a little 3 year old boy. It is possible your little friend was just a little over-excited about something and the parents missed it (we can't see everthing - as much as we would like).

Anyway - on behalf of parents who try, sorry you had your tush smacked when the smacking was not invited.

armchair_warrior · May 2007

if this ever happens again go and tell the parents right away. these type of things shouldn't go unpunished he could be the next Braunstein.

ljnd · May 2007

Somehow, I am having trouble making the leap from a kid smacking someone's ass... to a man dressing up like a firefighter and chloroforming a co-worker and molesting her repeatedly, and then dodging police for a week while hiding out in a university library before making a great show of stabbing himself in the neck before surrendering.

But perhaps that's just indicative of the limits of my imagination.

i love hate · May 2007

i think you have amazing ass baby :oops:

livetotravel · May 2007

see - the movie censors are right - smoking should be rated "R"

lostonwyckoff · May 2007

That kid needs to be dropped in front of the Time Square Dance Crew

ljnd · May 2007

Flexi, I saw that on Gawker (along with the looong post about the nanny who spilled tea on the infant - which, if anyone on Gawker actually paid attention, they could have read about here first) - a weird mashup of kids and NYC today!

Still seems to be undetermined whether or not this little one's okay, though....

caseopele · May 2007

Jamzer, I was in front of my job on 7th Ave between Carroll and Garfield. And I can totally understand a kid trying things out to see what they can get away with. That's how kids learn what is acceptable behavior and what isn't.

Of course, parents can't watch their kids every second, that's physically impossible. These parents though, they weren't watching these kids at all. It was like they weren't even their kids except they were the only ones walking with them. I don't think there are really any bad kids just bad parents. A kid who isn't taught any limits will end up being a screwed up adult unless they're really lucky.

penschool · May 2007

must be his way of telling you to stop smoking and hanging out at liquor stores

caseopele · May 2007

Yes, I will immediately tell my boss that I can't work there anymore. A little boy gave me a spanking for hanging out at Ye Olde Evil Spirit Liquor Shoppe!

armchair_warrior · May 2007

use your powers of imagination and its fun!

kosherdave · May 2007

Flexichick wrote: I bet a bottle of tequila would have schooled him - either make him drink it or smack him with it.

Flexi, if I slap your ass, can I have some tequila too?

laura · May 2007

linusvanpelt wrote: 3. This is the best post title of all time.

It's just dying to be set to music ...

A little boy slapped me on the ass tonight

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