The Bride of Park Slope

That Yarn Guy wrote: [quote=homeowner]he laid down in the middle of a highway at night and attempted suicide. Fortunately he didn't suceed but it took years for him to get his life back on track.

Just curious, was his name Dirk? This sounds all too familiar.

Nope. Its sad if it sounds familiar because it was a horrible situation at the time, and I'd hate to think someone else was equally as desparate.

brooklynpotter wrote:
sometimes better or worse means saving your own life before saving someone else's

Only if you haven't gotten married. Otherwise is it selfish.

If you have made the commitment to marry someone, I firmly believe it is for better or worse. You don't get to chose just the happy and healthy times - you also get the illness, unemployment, and whatever other crap life throws at you.

I would take a bullet for my husband, even when he is being an ass, and i still love my kids when they're at their most unlovable. I was raised to believe that is called maturity. My husband's parents are married over 60 years, not all of them wonderful.

You only get the "get out of jail free" card BEFORE you say "I do". Otherwise, there is no point to getting married, as there are already conditions being placed on the commitment.

bklyngirl wrote: [quote=brooklynpotter]
sometimes better or worse means saving your own life before saving someone else's

Only if you haven't gotten married. Otherwise is it selfish.

If you have made the commitment to marry someone, I firmly believe it is for better or worse. You don't get to chose just the happy and healthy times - you also get the illness, unemployment, and whatever other crap life throws at you.

I would take a bullet for my husband, even when he is being an ass, and i still love my kids when they're at their most unlovable. I was raised to believe that is called maturity. My husband's parents are married over 60 years, not all of them wonderful.

You only get the "get out of jail free" card BEFORE you say "I do". Otherwise, there is no point to getting married, as there are already conditions being placed on the commitment.

what is this 1950? You can't anticipate every possible scenario, or action your spouse may take. They could be a sweet little puppy on the wedding day and violent, raving maniac 5 years later, and I would not expect anyone to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. In fact, even if you're not being abused, you still have every right to be happy.

Newsome wrote: [quote=bklyngirl][quote=brooklynpotter]
sometimes better or worse means saving your own life before saving someone else's

Only if you haven't gotten married. Otherwise is it selfish.

If you have made the commitment to marry someone, I firmly believe it is for better or worse. You don't get to chose just the happy and healthy times - you also get the illness, unemployment, and whatever other crap life throws at you.

I would take a bullet for my husband, even when he is being an ass, and i still love my kids when they're at their most unlovable. I was raised to believe that is called maturity. My husband's parents are married over 60 years, not all of them wonderful.

You only get the "get out of jail free" card BEFORE you say "I do". Otherwise, there is no point to getting married, as there are already conditions being placed on the commitment.

what is this 1950? You can't anticipate every possible scenario, or action your spouse may take. They could be a sweet little puppy on the wedding day and violent, raving maniac 5 years later, and I would not expect anyone to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy. In fact, even if you're not being abused, you still have every right to be happy.

I agree, with physical violence and emotional abuse being a "run like hell" situation, esp. if there are kids.

Yes, you do have a right to be happy, but if one is a mature adult, you have an obligation, at the very least to yourself, to work on fixing it (or at least finding out why) before walking out the door. If being afraid of being unhappy in a marriage is a concern, then don't get married.

I agree with BrooklynPotter - there are too many grey areas for this to be an either/or.

In this particular case, calling off the wedding beforehand was the right thing to do. It's only too late once you say "I do" (or the words of your choice).

brooklynpotter wrote: i don't think it's ever too late.

No one should ever get married if they have doubts, no matter how small. And no one should stay in a bad marriage if they are truly miserable and have tried to make it work. It takes two, after all.

I guess I meant "too late" to get out of it with the least amount of complications. Once kids and joint property are brought into the equation, it can be mighty ugly.

bklyngirl wrote: [quote=brooklynpotter]i don't think it's ever too late.

No one should ever get married if they have doubts, no matter how small. And no one should stay in a bad marriage if they are truly miserable and have tried to make it work. It takes two, after all.

I guess I meant "too late" to get out of it with the least amount of complications. Once kids and joint property are brought into the equation, it can be mighty ugly.

I am sure that many people have doubts and still get married and stay married. It's very normal to question big decisions in your life...

I understand your point. You would hope that would be the case. I think that the point is that we might medicate mentally ill people more so that we can live with them (even to the point of lobotimizing them), but the treatment is not always necessarily in the patients best interest. I don't have the answer, I just know that I've been around enough mentally ill people to know that I prefer them medicated and they prefer not to be.

Medicated and well do not go hand in hand though. The meds have alot of side effects, it's one of the reasons people stop taking them. And many people don't care about those side effects as long as you aren't "acting crazy".

mahny of you are acting as though the side effects from these kinds of mind-altering medications are worse than not taking them at all. i think, no, i know, that if you put yourself in the hands of a capable and careful physician you can be well-medicated without feeling doped, drugged, manic, what have you.

all meds have side effects, and all work differently on different people, but throwing all of them out the window for fear of unpleasant side effects is irresponsible.

a lot of medication helps people. and if it doesn't help, there are plenty of other medications to try till one is found that works.

i'm sorry, i don't buy this whole "too many side effects" thing. it stops people from getting the help they need for fear of walking around drooling and shaking.

would you tell people not to take their migraine meds? their insulin? not to wear their contact lenses? walk without their braces? no, you wouldn't.