Wastelands by the Sea

I was just wondering if any of you beach-goers noticed how few beaches are actually open on weekends. I didn't have a chance to hit the beach this summer and finally, putting life aside for a day, I moseyed over to the water's edge. Never mind the shocking presence of behemoth-sized Russian ladies and the stark absence of pretty women on Coney Island - but there are stretches upon stretches of beach cordoned off by tape and rude gung-o beach-cops on motorized tricycles zipping by and screaming for people to make the Exodus over to the one modest spot where thousands of people packed together like sardines pretend they are enjoying the overcrowded nightmare.