At Wits End

brooklynleather · August 2007

So note the cute white and black cat in my icon.

Last October, I adopted a companion for my sweet adult grey cat, Delilah. Jolene (the black + white one) seemed like a suitable companion--6 week old kitten, both rescues, it seemed like perhaps a match? After Delilah territorially hated Jolene, eventually they bonded. I've posted on here about this before.

Jolene is really neurotic, anti-human, and destructive. I am afraid it won't end with kittenhood and more afraid that if I wait til she might "grow out of it" she might not be so adoptable. I also wonder if she will ever find a new home with her bad behavior! She won't let a person touch her, hold her--even worse, if a human being walks in a room, she runs the other way and hides. EVERY TIME. It sort of kills me inside. Last night she broke an antique of mine and I am getting really fed up with being patient and loving. My other cat is so mellow -- I think she would be fine on her own.

I was told by the organization I adopted her from if it "didn't work out between us" I could "return her" but I feel shameful bringing back Jolene and worse wondering who will adopt her now?

Please advise me, I need to make a concrete and responsible decision for all kitties and persons involved as I am moving to a new place at the end of August.

Help!

shishkab · August 2007

i think the "didn't work out between us" clause expired -- you've had the cat for 9 months now, and although not written in stone, those good faith clauses are really intended for the first couple of months. i know there are a lot of potential adopters who understand the need for keeping bonded pairs together. have you been actively trying to adopt them both out? i have to assume so since you're moving in 3 1/2 weeks.

brooklynleather · August 2007

The way it was explained to me, there was no expiration date. I am not trying to adopt them both out---one is well behaved and mellow the other is socially inept albeit cute. I think we need a dose of kitty prozac here.

shishkab · August 2007

well, you can start with Feliway, if you haven't already. i would say about 45% of cat owners describe moderate to almost perfect success. i know it's less than half, but you may be one of the lucky ones. have you tried it?

leozoeypiper · August 2007

Have you tried to work with her to break her out of this anti-social behavior? It's fine and cute when they are kittens but kittens eventually become cats. This is why so many adult cats end up at shelters. Their owners never work with them and just expect them to be perfect all on their own. Unfortunately it just doesn't work like that.

You have mentioned this issue for a long time now. What are you doing to break her out of this? Have you tried giving her rescue remedy? Definitely try the Feliaway plug in diffuser as recommended by someone else. Most cats don't become social cats on their own. They really have to be worked with. What are you actively doing to train her to be a social cat? Have you read "Cat Vs. Cat"?

I often board foster cats that are anti-social at Woofs 'N Whiskers for a week of Tellington Touch. I have found that it works wonders and they come back to me with improved dispositions. You may consider doing that while you are in the moving process and getting settled.

I would also not recommend leaving anything of value out that you are going to be heartbroken if it breaks, especially if you have two cats. Someone is eventually going to break it. Cats will be cats.

Do you really need to hold her and have her come out and great everyone? It sounds like you pretty much have a cat for your cat. Not all cats love to picked up and be around you all of the time. I have a cat that only likes me. I can not pick her up and no guest has ever seen her when they come over. Most people don't believe that she exists. I don't really care though because she loves my other cats and they love her. She is their pet.

Where did you get her from? If you return her to a shelter that performs euthanasia, then she will probably be put down. If you return her to a no kill shelter then she will probably live the rest of her life in a cage. At this point the shelters are so overcrowded that you would probably not even be able to return her to a no kill shelter, they would turn you away. The "return her if she doesn't work out clause" does not work if it has been 9 months.

I think that you are angry that something priceless has been broken and you are feeling frustrated because you are stressed about your upcoming move. You really should move her to her new location and get a plan of action together for how you are going to correct this situation. There are many things to do to make the situation better. You have made a commitment to this cat. You made this commitment when you adopted her. Now make a commitment to work with your cat to make her a better cat for you and your home.

brooklynleather · August 2007

Thanks,
yes I have been stressed and I am angry but I am cooling off. I've tried feliway, rescue remedy, and ignagita amora (spelling -- sorry) and nothing has worked.

Good idea of boarding him for a week for some level of socialization. No, he doesn't need to be held and pet and cuddled. I can deal but I can't deal with destructive behavior (which I am trying to rectify with spraying water during the nono times and using treats and being playful the rest of the time). He just can NOT handle humans at all. It makes me really sad.

You are totally right--he is my cat's cat, but not mine. I just want him to be comfortable around everyone else. Or damn, just around me would be fine since we have to share a space. It makes me concerned--his neuroses, you know?

And fyi no, he is not from a shelter. he is from a brooklyn foster program. I have not read Cat vs Cat but I have other literature I am reading. Do you recommend a specific type of play for human socialization?

At Wits End

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