How would you interpret this question?
A little while ago, at a party, I met a (white) man who works in the same industry I do (the party was for people in our industry) and one of the first things he asked me was, "So, what's it like being a black woman in Park Slope?" Then he added, "oh I suppose people will assume you're of Caribbean background."(?)
I probably just stared at him blankly. I did not and do not know precisely what such a question means or why somebody should ask such a question almost immediately upon meeting you.
He went on to say something about how my life and writing career would always be coloured (pun not intentional) by my being black and that my colour is all some people will see and how he, as a white man, automatically doesn't have to deal with this and isn't held back by his colour.
Now, interestingly, when we spoke, I had recently signed two book contracts and he was still struggling to find a literary agent.
How would you answer this question? Since I've never been, say, an American Indian woman in Park Slope or a black man in Park Slope, I am not sure what to compare my experience to.
I probably just stared at him blankly. I did not and do not know precisely what such a question means or why somebody should ask such a question almost immediately upon meeting you.
He went on to say something about how my life and writing career would always be coloured (pun not intentional) by my being black and that my colour is all some people will see and how he, as a white man, automatically doesn't have to deal with this and isn't held back by his colour.
Now, interestingly, when we spoke, I had recently signed two book contracts and he was still struggling to find a literary agent.
How would you answer this question? Since I've never been, say, an American Indian woman in Park Slope or a black man in Park Slope, I am not sure what to compare my experience to.
Comments
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he's a racialist!
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Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
Precious Williams wrote: A little while ago, at a party, I met a (white) man who works in the same industry I do (the party was for people in our industry) and one of the first things he asked me was, "So, what's it like being a black woman in Park Slope?" Then he added, "oh I suppose people will assume you're of Caribbean background."(?)
"Wow, you sure are exotic....can we fuck yet?"
I probably just stared at him blankly. I did not and do not know precisely what such a question means or why somebody should ask such a question almost immediately upon meeting you.
He went on to say something about how my life and writing career would always be coloured (pun not intentional) by my being black and that my colour is all some people will see and how he, as a white man, automatically doesn't have to deal with this and isn't held back by his colour.
Now, interestingly, when we spoke, I had recently signed two book contracts and he was still struggling to find a literary agent.
How would you answer this question? Since I've never been, say, an American Indian woman in Park Slope or a black man in Park Slope, I am not sure what to compare my experience to.
I'm surprized he didn't ask if he could touch your hair. What did you say in response? -
Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
erikka wrote: [quote=Precious Williams]A little while ago, at a party, I met a (white) man who works in the same industry I do (the party was for people in our industry) and one of the first things he asked me was, "So, what's it like being a black woman in Park Slope?" Then he added, "oh I suppose people will assume you're of Caribbean background."(?)
"Wow, you sure are exotic....can we fuck yet?"
I probably just stared at him blankly. I did not and do not know precisely what such a question means or why somebody should ask such a question almost immediately upon meeting you.
He went on to say something about how my life and writing career would always be coloured (pun not intentional) by my being black and that my colour is all some people will see and how he, as a white man, automatically doesn't have to deal with this and isn't held back by his colour.
Now, interestingly, when we spoke, I had recently signed two book contracts and he was still struggling to find a literary agent.
How would you answer this question? Since I've never been, say, an American Indian woman in Park Slope or a black man in Park Slope, I am not sure what to compare my experience to.
I'm surprized he didn't ask if he could touch your hair. What did you say in response?
I said something like, "what kind of question is that?" or "precisely, what do you mean?" -
oh and a white woman on a train actually did just reach out and touch my niece's hair, without warning once. My niece then touched the woman's hair and the woman recoiled and my niece laughed at her. Very odd moment.
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He may not be "held back by his colour", but I'm sure he's held back because he's an asshat
Some people are just stupid. That's my answer to the question posed in your subject line! -
A bizarre, kind-of-austic question. Perhaps best understood with some indulgent sympathy for its ackwardness, if you're feeling noble.
And: nobody want to touch my hair
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Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
erikka wrote: "Wow, you sure are exotic....can we fuck yet?"
LOLz0rz. "You know, I have some exotic Japanese lithographs in my apartment. Would you like to come look look at them?"
I'm surprized he didn't ask if he could touch your hair. What did you say in response?
Maybe. Honestly, though, it sounds like kinda muddled drunk-talk. I doubt even he knew precisely what he meant...if you speak in rather vague terms, you can sound somewhat intelligent and interesting even when your actual powers of logic and reason fail you - or at least I hope so. -
Precious Williams wrote: oh and a white woman on a train actually did just reach out and touch my niece's hair, without warning once. My niece then touched the woman's hair and the woman recoiled and my niece laughed at her. Very odd moment.
precious, i think you're just dealing with idiots. of which there are many.
while it's not a "racial" issue, my fiery red curly hair seems to be a constant source of inappropriate comments and inappropriate hair touching.
some people need hobbies -
Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
Drano wrote: [quote=erikka]"Wow, you sure are exotic....can we fuck yet?"
LOLz0rz. "You know, I have some exotic Japanese lithographs in my apartment. Would you like to come look look at them?"
I'm surprized he didn't ask if he could touch your hair. What did you say in response?
Maybe. Honestly, though, it sounds like kinda muddled drunk-talk. I doubt even he knew precisely what he meant...if you speak in rather vague terms, you can sound somewhat intelligent and interesting even when your actual powers of logic and reason fail you - or at least I hope so.
The party only just started and he seemed sober. Unless he downed a bottle of Absolut the very second he arrived at the party, I don't think he was drunk. He was just talking out of his ass. -
brooklynpotter wrote: [quote=Precious Williams]oh and a white woman on a train actually did just reach out and touch my niece's hair, without warning once. My niece then touched the woman's hair and the woman recoiled and my niece laughed at her. Very odd moment.
some people need hobbies
They sure do
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I'd have to agree with the "talking out of his ass" interpretation. Sounds like a complete jackass. I feel like smacking the guy and I've never even met him. :roll:
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Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
Precious Williams wrote: [quote=erikka][quote=Precious Williams]A little while ago, at a party, I met a (white) man who works in the same industry I do (the party was for people in our industry) and one of the first things he asked me was, "So, what's it like being a black woman in Park Slope?" Then he added, "oh I suppose people will assume you're of Caribbean background."(?)
"Wow, you sure are exotic....can we fuck yet?"
I probably just stared at him blankly. I did not and do not know precisely what such a question means or why somebody should ask such a question almost immediately upon meeting you.
He went on to say something about how my life and writing career would always be coloured (pun not intentional) by my being black and that my colour is all some people will see and how he, as a white man, automatically doesn't have to deal with this and isn't held back by his colour.
Now, interestingly, when we spoke, I had recently signed two book contracts and he was still struggling to find a literary agent.
How would you answer this question? Since I've never been, say, an American Indian woman in Park Slope or a black man in Park Slope, I am not sure what to compare my experience to.
I'm surprized he didn't ask if he could touch your hair. What did you say in response?
I said something like, "what kind of question is that?" or "precisely, what do you mean?"
I wonder if was, in a very misguided way:
A) trying to be 'down' in that "I may be a white guy but I understand your struggles" sort of way, which sets him apart from the norm and establishes a connection between the two of you (in theory)
Asking a genuine, but inappropriately phrased question about being a person of color in an upper middle class, mostly white neighborhood. He was probably hoping you'd share some story, giving him the opportunity to do the above, establishing a connection.
And then using that connection to hit on you
There are ways to discuss these topics but singling out a near stranger and putting her on the spot probably won't yield the results you're looking for. There should be a database of clever responses to insulting questions. -
Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
erikka wrote: [quote=Precious Williams][quote=erikka][quote=Precious Williams]A little while ago, at a party, I met a (white) man who works in the same industry I do (the party was for people in our industry) and one of the first things he asked me was, "So, what's it like being a black woman in Park Slope?" Then he added, "oh I suppose people will assume you're of Caribbean background."(?)
"Wow, you sure are exotic....can we fuck yet?"
I probably just stared at him blankly. I did not and do not know precisely what such a question means or why somebody should ask such a question almost immediately upon meeting you.
He went on to say something about how my life and writing career would always be coloured (pun not intentional) by my being black and that my colour is all some people will see and how he, as a white man, automatically doesn't have to deal with this and isn't held back by his colour.
Now, interestingly, when we spoke, I had recently signed two book contracts and he was still struggling to find a literary agent.
How would you answer this question? Since I've never been, say, an American Indian woman in Park Slope or a black man in Park Slope, I am not sure what to compare my experience to.
I'm surprized he didn't ask if he could touch your hair. What did you say in response?
I said something like, "what kind of question is that?" or "precisely, what do you mean?"
I wonder if was, in a very misguided way:
A) trying to be 'down' in that "I may be a white guy but I understand your struggles" sort of way, which sets him apart from the norm and establishes a connection between the two of you (in theory) Asking a genuine, but inappropriately phrased question about being a person of color in an upper middle class, mostly white neighborhood. He was probably hoping you'd share some story, giving him the opportunity to do the above, establishing a connection.
And then using that connection to hit on you
There are ways to discuss these topics but singling out a near stranger and putting her on the spot probably won't yield the results you're looking for. There should be a database of clever responses to insulting questions.
I think he was 'trying to be down', LOL. As the conversation progressed there was also some comment from him that included, "but isn't Park Slope really expensive?" I felt as though he was expecting me to have some story about how being black, obviously I only lived there because I'd found a cheap bargain apartment or something. My answer to his question, "yup, I pay a lot of rent and have a great apartment" didn't really get a direct response from him.
I'm from England and I've lived in "white upper middle class" neighborhoods my whole life. Compared with places I've lived before, Park Slope is actually diverse in my opinion and racially mixed. This is a little off-topic, but being a foreigner, I've noticed that a lot of people seem to act as though being black and being "working class" are synonymous. Obviously there is nothing wrong with being working class, but I find it strange that so many people expect certain minorities to ALL be from working class backgrounds and to have one singular experience. -
I'm getting almost beside myself with irritation reading this thread. Who is this guy? He's bugging the shit out of me and I've never even met him. Lemme at him!! :evil:
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Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
erikka wrote:
I agree with this interpretation. He was trying to demonstrate that he is a sensitive man who has thought deeply about issues of race and oppression. Perhaps in the hopes of getting laid. :0
I wonder if was, in a very misguided way:
A) trying to be 'down' in that "I may be a white guy but I understand your struggles" sort of way, which sets him apart from the norm and establishes a connection between the two of you (in theory) Asking a genuine, but inappropriately phrased question about being a person of color in an upper middle class, mostly white neighborhood. He was probably hoping you'd share some story, giving him the opportunity to do the above, establishing a connection.
And then using that connection to hit on you -
Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
Rose wrote: I agree with this interpretation. He was trying to demonstrate that he is a sensitive man who has thought deeply about issues of race and oppression. Perhaps in the hopes of getting laid. :0
but isn't everything we do. men and women. from putting on make-up. perfume. chic clothes. cool jeans. glasses. books we read. conversations... etc...
when you boil it down. doesn't it all come down to having someone else find you attractive? and feeling good about oneself that others find you attractive?
â€â€and if you're single, getting laid?
ok. flame retardant suit activate!
"the outrage!
i can't believe he said that!
tar that mysoginistic pig!!!!!
he's 'getting-laid obsessed'!!!!!!"
:roll: -
escap wrote: I'm getting almost beside myself with irritation reading this thread. Who is this guy? He's bugging the shit out of me and I've never even met him. Lemme at him!! :evil:
I can introduce you to him if you want, LOL. I have his email address somewhere -
Subject: Re: How would you interpret this question?
quijibo wrote: [quote=Rose]I agree with this interpretation. He was trying to demonstrate that he is a sensitive man who has thought deeply about issues of race and oppression. Perhaps in the hopes of getting laid. :0
but isn't everything we do. men and women. from putting on make-up. perfume. chic clothes. cool jeans. glasses. books we read. conversations... etc...
Well, yeah, but some people are better at it than others. Clearly this guy needs a new approach. Maybe he should wear cool jeans and talk as little as possible. -
Maybe he asked these questions because he was curious. Its just a crazy thought. We've all become so race sensitive, we can't even ask people questions about what it is like to be another race.
I have a theory that the more we know about other people, the more likely it is that our prejudices will go away.
Or would we be better off if we pretend that there are no differences between us? -
Jamzer wrote: Maybe he asked these questions because he was curious. Its just a crazy thought. We've all become so race sensitive, we can't even ask people questions about what it is like to be another race.
Nothing wrong with curiosity, but ask somebody you KNOW....not a total stranger.
I have a theory that the more we know about other people, the more likely it is that our prejudices will go away.
Or would we be better off if we pretend that there are no differences between us?
Like people who ask me if I want kids. Friend? Eh, ok, if you're a good friend. Stranger? None of your damn business! -
Precious Williams wrote: oh and a white woman on a train actually did just reach out and touch my niece's hair, without warning once. My niece then touched the woman's hair and the woman recoiled and my niece laughed at her. Very odd moment.
Girls ask to touch my fiancee's dreads constantly. They're always asking about his big amber rings and his hair, blah, blah, blah. :roll:
Actually, he said that he's noticed he gets a lot of interesting looks in the slope. Not negative--more curious than anything. So I'm not totally surprised by the question the guy asked you. Its not an appropriate question to ask, really, but I'm not surprised. -
caaahyoko wrote: [quote=Precious Williams]oh and a white woman on a train actually did just reach out and touch my niece's hair, without warning once. My niece then touched the woman's hair and the woman recoiled and my niece laughed at her. Very odd moment.
Actually, he said that he's noticed he gets a lot of interesting looks in the slope. Not negative--more curious than anything. .
But there are plenty of people with dreads in Park Slope, surely? What's to stare at? Or is he just very attractive and people are eyeing him up? -
Jamzer wrote: Maybe he asked these questions because he was curious. Its just a crazy thought. We've all become so race sensitive, we can't even ask people questions about what it is like to be another race.
There actually aren't as many differences as questions like that man's would imply. I actually think the reverse of what you suggested is going on today: people seem OBSESSED with race and talk talk talk about it non-stop. And also there isn't any singular black experience, or white experience, for that matter. So, what you really need to do is get to know individuals rather than stereotypes. Thus, the man's question should surely have been phrased, "what do you think of Park Slope?"
I have a theory that the more we know about other people, the more likely it is that our prejudices will go away.
Or would we be better off if we pretend that there are no differences between us?
Also, it seems strange to me that, considering I have a very English accent, the only thing the man should zoom in on is the colour of my skin. Note that he did not ask, "what's it like being a Brit in Park Slope?"
But anyway, the man struck me as somebody who was desperately hoping I'd have some tales of extreme racism so that he could leap up and down going "Power to the People" or something. -
Anonymous wrote:
There aren't really that many dark caribbean men with dreads, no. Plus, he has a whole "look". Think Jeff Beck in the 70's, but black with Marley-type dreads.
But there are plenty of people with dreads in Park Slope, surely? What's to stare at? Or is he just very attractive and people are eyeing him up?
And yes, he is very very attractive. I tell him this all the time, but he doesn't believe me. -
Precious wrote: Also, it seems strange to me that, considering I have a very English accent, the only thing the man should zoom in on is the colour of my skin. Note that he did not ask, "what's it like being a Brit in Park Slope?"
I'm curious what it's like being a Brit in Park Slope. I noticed that the Key Food on 5th has a whole section of old-school English foods, like those round cookies with chocolate on one side. It led me to wonder if there is a sizable population of immigrants from England in PS. Also, there's that Chip Shop. -
Just curious--didn't you used to be registered under a different name? Or is there another freelance female author from England who is black also posting that lives in Park Slope in a nice apartment? If so, I liked that thread you started several months ago about being of color and NOT being a nanny or housecleaner and living in the slope.
That guy just sounds like an idiot--the type that you say "uhm, I have to go get a drink, I'll catch up with you later." -
Precious Williams wrote: oh and a white woman on a train actually did just reach out and touch my niece's hair, without warning once. My niece then touched the woman's hair and the woman recoiled and my niece laughed at her. Very odd moment.
yes... I have a curly 'fro and I often have to duck and weave so people aren't touching my hair... its annoying...
I'm like am I a museum exhibit? You can't just touch my hair and not expect a reaction... -
I'm stuck on people actually wanting to touch someone else's hair. The whole idea of touching someone else's hair kinda grosses me out unless that person was a friend or a partner. And, only a hairstylist should touch a stranger's hair!
Sooo strange. I've heard this comment before from black women, but have never seen a person ask or do this. A child wanting to touch someone's hair is one thing, but an adult? That's just ... ewww. -
doublediamond wrote: I'm stuck on people actually wanting to touch someone else's hair. The whole idea of touching someone else's hair kinda grosses me out unless that person was a friend or a partner.
I agree. I hate when I'm on a crowded subway and someone's hair touches me. Yuck. -
cythren wrote: [quote=Precious] Also, it seems strange to me that, considering I have a very English accent, the only thing the man should zoom in on is the colour of my skin. Note that he did not ask, "what's it like being a Brit in Park Slope?"
I'm curious what it's like being a Brit in Park Slope. I noticed that the Key Food on 5th has a whole section of old-school English foods, like those round cookies with chocolate on one side. It led me to wonder if there is a sizable population of immigrants from England in PS. Also, there's that Chip Shop.
Well, there's Paul Bettany for one Actually there seem to be loads and loads of Brits in Park Slope. I shop in that Key Food and haven't seen their English foods. I've eaten at Chip Shop though. Being English and living in Park Slope - or anywhere in New York is not unlike being in London. There are absolutely loads of Brits in Brooklyn and in the rest of New York. There are so many British writers especially that at one of my birthday parties, I had about 40 guests and 35 or more were British writers living in New York. I had to make a conscious effort to expand my social circle.
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