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pre-date etiquette — Brooklynian

pre-date etiquette

alafairnadia
alafairnadia
edited November -1 in The Lounge / Random Stuff
hi all,

scenario: a guy (plumber) asked a chick (me) out on a date. the date is supposed to happen tonight. yesterday, during a telephone conversation, he asked what I wanted to do on this date. I said I didn't know or really care - it's his date and as such, he should pick. he got a bit weird and huffy. finally I said something like "well, I guess we could do the standard dinner & conversation thing." which lead to where we should go, etc. no specific locations were named, and finally I just got annoyed and told him to figure it out and hung up.

(why does this guy want to go out with me? seriously. this is beyond absurd.)

so today, I noticed, just before I was running for a meeting (after taking two bites of my lunch which I had just received after running around all morning), that he was calling my work phone. figuring he'd leave a message, I just left. I got back 1.5 hrs later, had two more bites of lunch before getting disgusted, and realized he hadn't left voicemail. then I noticed that he had called my cell # and not left a message there, either.

I'm annoyed and already regretting even agreeing to this date. do I have to call him? if he calls me, can I just tell him that this isn't a good idea and I don't feel like it anymore? what's the best way to just make this madness stop? cause now, see, he knows where I live, he knows all my numbers, and I can't use his plumbing company again b/c, well, who wants him showing up and being weird?

this amusing situation has kinda gotten away from me and now I'm just pissed.

help!

Comments

  • sweet tea
    sweet tea
    maybe he's just nervous? possibly he doesn't want to leave a message because he's afraid he'll end up sounding stupid. (that's my #1 reason for not leaving a message.) i'd say that if you actually want to go on the date, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and call him.

    but i'm no expert in these matters.
  • alafairnadia
    alafairnadia
    sweet tea wrote: maybe he's just nervous? possibly he doesn't want to leave a message because he's afraid he'll end up sounding stupid. (that's my #1 reason for not leaving a message.) i'd say that if you actually want to go on the date, you could give him the benefit of the doubt and call him.

    but i'm no expert in these matters.
    I can't even figure out if I want to go on this date. I've been totally not dating for so long (not in a relationship, just not dating) that I thought it might be nice to go on a practice date in case I meet someone I actually would consider really dating, but that seems both mean and too much trouble.

    and I'm wiped out. this week has been brutal between work and holiday parties so I kinda just want to sit on my sofa and watch all my accumulated DVR'd tv.
  • brittanystarr
    brittanystarr
    cancel - you're not into him and you're already fighting.
  • MOD
    MOD
    Dios Mio chica, don't stress. He's probably just nervous.
    Go out and have a nice dinner (on him :P )
    Afterwards if you find the conversation boring just tell him you're exhausted and go home.

    Thing is, you're very independent and you don't 'beat around the bush.'
    You hit that thing straight on :lol:

    So this guy is probably not your type, but like you said, it can be a good way to grease up those dating wheels.
  • alafairnadia
    alafairnadia
    I just texted him:

    "hey there. where should we meet?"

    his response:

    "U tell me."

    Mamacita, want to give the guy a call for me and figure this out?

    Flexi, I'm inclined to agree with you but promised myself to give him a chance.
  • pitu
    pitu
    Just tell him where to meet you.
    Don't go anywhere you love, just go to an inbetween-fine-it-doesn't-matter place
    and find out what the deal is once you get there

    (btw I think you're both nervous)

    love,
    Lucy
    Advice 5$ :D
  • vintagejames
    vintagejames
    Not really my business, but I hate seeing people getting run over. As a male, I can tell you that guy is probably a jerk. Lose him. Why go through the trouble to find out he is not someone you want to associate with? The warning flags are all there for you to see. Run, don't walk.
  • pitu
    pitu
    ps
    don't get drunk
    don't sleep with him
    (srsly)
  • alafairnadia
    alafairnadia
    actually, I just canceled the whole thing. he was pretty insistent that whether we saw a movie or not, he was going to come up to my apartment. when I told him that was not okay, he wanted to know why. I told him I barely knew him and, frankly, that would be my invitation to issue, not his demand to make. his response was "what do you think I'd do to you?"
    so I told him I was too tired to argue, he responded with "so just do it my way." I said no and hung up. that was easy.

    thanks all!

    p.s. pitu knows who the guy is so if I do disappear, please point the cops his way.
  • sweet tea
    sweet tea
    good call. sounds like a grade-a ass.
  • MOD
    MOD
    Oh man, yeah good call. Sounds like a creep!
    Oh well. Who needs dates when we have festivus :P
  • armchair_warrior
    armchair_warrior
    i was going to suggest pepper spray for after dinner mints. but since you canceled good going :).
  • rgrabin1
    rgrabin1
    alafairnadia wrote: actually, I just canceled the whole thing. he was pretty insistent that whether we saw a movie or not, he was going to come up to my apartment. when I told him that was not okay, he wanted to know why. I told him I barely knew him and, frankly, that would be my invitation to issue, not his demand to make. his response was "what do you think I'd do to you?"
    so I told him I was too tired to argue, he responded with "so just do it my way." I said no and hung up. that was easy.

    thanks all!

    I rest my case. Oh, and I just had a fun time dropping in on a friend at work and having two complete strangers pick up over $70 worth of my wine + meat and cheese plate (including fabulous epoisses). Yay!

    p.s. pitu knows who the guy is so if I do disappear, please point the cops his way.
  • alafairnadia
    alafairnadia
    well, am safe at home after meeting up with bigguy at otto and then heading over to beast to hang out with various neighborhood folks, including many board people. so. despite the lack of date, everything went fine. I was a little worried about coming home ("what if he's a seriously fucked up stalker??") but am a-ok.

    thanks again everyone. after this brief foray into dating, I think I'm going back to terminal singleness - I'm better suited.
  • rewbee
    rewbee
    I don't know what the hell happened to my post.

    It basically said "I rest my case".

    I had a lovely evening when I stopped off to visit a friend where he works and 2 total strangers bought me 3 glasses of wine + a great meat and cheese plate (probably about $75 worth of goodies)

    I love NY
  • apollonia666
    apollonia666
    I generally pay attention to red flags like this guy's behavior threw out there -- the handful of times I've ignored them and gone ahead I've always ended up regretting it.

    Ditching this date was definitely the right decision. Well done.
  • pitu
    pitu
    alafairnadia wrote: after this brief foray into dating, I think I'm going back to terminal singleness - I'm better suited.
    that was not *dating*
    okaaaaay?
  • lilbangladesh
    lilbangladesh
    yeah, when a guy starts pressuring you for sex and/or coming up to your apartment BEFORE the first date, that's usually a bad sign.
  • alafairnadia
    alafairnadia
    pitu wrote: [quote=alafairnadia]after this brief foray into dating, I think I'm going back to terminal singleness - I'm better suited.
    that was not *dating*
    okaaaaay?

    true. there was no actual date. I'll leave my mind open to the idea of true dating at some point, no worries.
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