SPLIT from Smartmom: The Myth Of Monogamy

the chipster · November 2006

FOrget all this "like her, don't like her," let's talk about that article. I found it sooooo depressing, that she, like all my contemporaries, is just as puritanical in her sexual mores as george bush. The judgement and higher moral ground everyone takes when discussing "cheating" is soo 1998.

WHen are people going to acknowledge the difference between the sexes, and make room for it?!
After nursing 2.9 kids, and not having owned a pair of heels since high school; some of these women should just do their husbands a favor before they totally emasculate them.
"Honey, you're a great husband and father, and because I have the appeal of a cold, soggy french fry, it's ok with me if you get your rocks off with someone else."
Monogamy is not a natural state. Americans are relentless in their pursuit of some Holierthan thou Matrimony, much like the most recent televangelist who raged against gays after smoking "tina" and blowing his boyfriend.
phew!
and yes, I am a mom too.

the chipster · November 2006

Subject: Married and Sexless

WHoops! I just thought, hmm...that rant would be great as a topic starter...is it too late?

rose · November 2006

Subject: Re: Don't ask don't tell.

The Chipster wrote: WHen are people going to acknowledge the difference between the sexes, and make room for it?!
After nursing 2.9 kids, and not having owned a pair of heels since high school; some of these women should just do their husbands a favor before they totally emasculate them.
"Honey, you're a great husband and father, and because I have the appeal of a cold, soggy french fry, it's ok with me if you get your rocks off with someone else."

Are you saying that you think women are naturally monogamous and men are naturally inclined to cheat? I don't buy that, and it doesn't fit with the anecdotal evidence I've seen. The average "great husband and father" doesn't have much more appeal than a "cold, soggy french fry" either. If you're saying that you look like shit after 2.9 kids and your husband is still hott, maybe you need to redistribute the labor at home.

the chipster · November 2006

Yes, men are doing more housework at home (cite all studies here) but...women still do more...THat's not the issue.
I started a new topic for the hell of it.
The Myth of Monogamy..
or...Park Slope Moms and their Emasculated Men..a monotype.

linusvanpelt · November 2006

Mmmmm... cold soggy french fries... I'ma get me some of that...

anonymous · November 2006

I really don't want to go to the other board--I hate bopping around to different forums so i am responding here.

The Chipster wrote: THere is NO evidence, either from biology, primatology, or anthropology, that monogamy is somehow "natural" or "normal" for human beings. .

There is no evidence that monogomy isn't natural for humans culturally. If we reduce ourselves to biology or primatology and discount culture, then yes, monogomy would not be beneficial to the male who is supposed to create as many offspring as possible. (Although in many animals, it is the female that has affairs--lots of songbirds have flings on the side). But culture is a pretty powerful thing to toss aside. Even chimps learn pretty early that there are benefits to "culture" such as sharing food and making allies in order to insure food in lean times. We have set up a monogomous culture where cheating can ruin the primary bond. It is something to weigh when you are checking out someone attractive--is it worth it?

And although you call yourself a feminist, your post feels kind of misogynist. I mean I have to agree with Rose, these husbands who have been raising kids or stopped working out, or lost all their hair seem to be getting a bye from you while these comparable women you see as no longer attractive.

But I figure, whatever works. If you think it works better for you guys to have extracurricular flings, hey more power to you.

doctorj · November 2006

kensingtonmom wrote:
[quote=The Chipster]THere is NO evidence, either from biology, primatology, or anthropology, that monogamy is somehow "natural" or "normal" for human beings. .

There is no evidence that monogomy isn't natural for humans culturally.

Might I recommend reading "Why is Sex Fun? The Evolution of Human Sexuality" by Jared Diamond if you haven't already.

Natural and natural. There's a lot of monogamy and a lot of cheating on all sides. Nature is as nature does.

anonymous · November 2006

doctorj wrote: There's a lot of monogamy and a lot of cheating on all sides. Nature is as nature does.

But I am talking culturally and not biologically.

pitu · November 2006

mod note:

oy vey.
We have two of these monogamy discussions going on different boards, as a split topic from SmartMom ranting over in Park Slope.

We can't combine threads, but I've moved this one over from Brooklyn and Beyond to The Lounge . . .

carry on

pitu · November 2006

the other monogamy discussion

wish I could put them together, but we don't have the technology . . .

doctorj · November 2006

kensingtonmom wrote: [quote=doctorj]There's a lot of monogamy and a lot of cheating on all sides. Nature is as nature does.

But I am talking culturally and not biologically.

And I'm saying culturally some people remain partnered for life, some people partner serially several times, some people cheat, some people are promiscuous, some don't bother with sex at alll, and some are even sex workers. One way or another that's all part of our culture. And biology.

Bit hard to separate the two when it comes to life's most basic functions. If culture were really effective at changing biological tendencies, Rev. Ted Haggard would be a straight monogamist and still have his job.

SPLIT from Smartmom: The Myth Of Monogamy

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