Were your teenage girls getting Pedicures Nails Park Slope
Comments
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How the overly sexually active teen girls burn themselves out. They get too cynical, and all used up by the time they are in their 20's
phew, forgot one comment. instead of being so critical of these young women, be a bit more empathic. these girls have a lot of work ahead of them and although they may seem "used up" they are really just wounded little girls.
am i soundy to preachy now? ok, ok, i'll stop. -
how would you define "overly sexually active girls"? and what about boys? because stats from the guttamacher instituture say:
• Men experience first intercouse at 16.9, on average, and women at 17.4. Men spend slightly longer being sexually active before getting married: nearly 10 years, on average, compared with just under 8 years for women. 1
additionally, and i'm trying to dig up the research right now, i seem to recall very recently hearing stats that as many people now, in 2007, are losing their virginities before marriage as there were in the 60s. which is a little surprising, to say the least.
• By their late teenage years, at least 3/4 of all men and women have had intercourse, and more than 2/3 of all sexually experienced teens have had 2 or more partners.2
turtle, you said" I would be interested in knowing how many parents of these girls (and boys too) have sat their children down and said "I do not want you to engage in sex with multiple and/or anonymous partners. It is not a healthy choice for a teenager and there are lots of risks associated with that behavior, such as...."
and i have to tell you, i got a similar talk from my dad about drugs, and it was so pathetic it made me laugh. you think you can just tell your teenager not to have sex and they won't? that it's that easy?
MOD EDIT: Fixed your quote tags -
When I was growing up, way back in the 70s/80s, it was not the norm for girls to be giving out blowjobs and handjobs as if they were hugs. Lipstick parties did not exist. 7 Minutes in Heaven did, but guys were lucky if they got to feel a boobie. Some people were going further, but not many.
It seems to me that it's really great to be a teenaged boy in 2007. But what are the girls getting out of their behavior? Popularity? I think this discussion is about the way young girls are exploiting themselves, and why. All you have to do is look at their myspace pages and you'll see what is deemed "hot". Maybe I am old-fashioned, but shouldn't somebody (um, parents) be teaching these girls to have a little self respect? -
new2slope wrote: When I was growing up, way back in the 70s/80s, it was not the norm for girls to be giving out blowjobs and handjobs as if they were hugs. Lipstick parties did not exist. 7 Minutes in Heaven did, but guys were lucky if they got to feel a boobie. Some people were going further, but not many.
i'm not saying you're incorrect, but it is possible the teenage girls are enjoying the sexual activity. i don't mean to sound facetious, and i know it's sounding that way. and i'm also not condoning the behavior. but it's not just the boys who are having fun.
It seems to me that it's really great to be a teenaged boy in 2007. But what are the girls getting out of their behavior? Popularity? I think this discussion is about the way young girls are exploiting themselves, and why. All you have to do is look at their myspace pages and you'll see what is deemed "hot". Maybe I am old-fashioned, but shouldn't somebody (um, parents) be teaching these girls to have a little self respect? -
veets wrote: [quote=Restless Native][quote=veets]
WTGirl, the reaction you just got here, the type of moral theoreticizing you just witnessed in this thread, is the reason why the kids in Park Slope are so screwed up. :-k
14 in 1963...
I knew this was a forthcoming group..LOl!
When I grew up in the Slope a relatively short time ago none of the girls, with the exception of a VERY select few, behaved like that, much to the disappointment of us guys. In current Park Slope however this behavior appears to be the norm.
Anyway, you might as well save your energy, like I always say making a common sense appeal to a yuppie is an exercise in futility. ](*,)
Gee wizz.... Does this mean that if I had been born later.. not raised in Midwood... and been a Midwood HS girl that I would have been a virgin till I was... let's say...25?
Seriously.. as I stated way above this point... I am totally lost in this thread and have lost sight of what the original impetus of this question was.
veets,
I think Restless Native just called you a slut. omiGOD.
I'm a little surprised this thread hasn't been Gawkered yet... -
icejice wrote: [quote=veets]
I went to midwood too. They wouldn't let you graduate unless you were a virgin
Gee wizz.... Does this mean that if I had been born later.. not raised in Midwood... and been a Midwood HS girl that I would have been a virgin till I was... let's say...25?
Seriously.. as I stated way above this point... I am totally lost in this thread and have lost sight of what the original impetus of this question was.
Does that mean my mom didn't really graduate HS in the 60s? I think my brother was her senior year surprise. -
you can just tell your teenager not to have sex and they won't? that it's that easy?
you are right it's not that easy because it has little to do with the sexual act and more to do with parents teaching their daughters self esteem and self worth. -
"brooklynpotter" wrote:
Sexual freedom is one thing.--enjoyed somewhat responsibly. But didn't the 80s prove to us that anonymous sex is risky behavior? I guess I went to one too many funerals of my young male friends dying of AIDS to think that anonymous sex makes any kind of sense at all now.
i'm not saying you're incorrect, but it is possible the teenage girls are enjoying the sexual activity. i don't mean to sound facetious, and i know it's sounding that way. and i'm also not condoning the behavior. but it's not just the boys who are having fun.
My friends who have kids in middle and high school tell me that many kids no longer have curfews? HUH? Her son has a midnight curfew and the other kids think that is pathetic. Of course you can get into mischief at any time of day or night--but don't you think that things can cross over a line after several additional hours of drinking? Like the sexual assault in the Park that happened at 1:30 in the morning? Sometimes more unsavory characters are out later at night. As parents we have to not just get our kids safetly through toddlerhood, I think we need to get them to adulthood if possible. -
WTGirl wrote:
#1 - "unsavory types" are around at all hours of the day and night. Teaching a kid street smarts is important, but will not keep them from having sex.
My friends who have kids in middle and high school tell me that many kids no longer have curfews? HUH? Her son has a midnight curfew and the other kids think that is pathetic. Of course you can get into mischief at any time of day or night--but don't you think that things can cross over a line after several additional hours of drinking? Like the sexual assault in the Park that happened at 1:30 in the morning? Sometimes more unsavory characters are out later at night. As parents we have to not just get our kids safetly through toddlerhood, I think we need to get them to adulthood if possible.
#2 - today's kids know a lot more about sex and safe sex than they did in my day (the early 80s). Safe sex used to mean not getting pregnant, and condoms had to be asked for special because they were behind the counter. Too embarrassing - but not anymore.
#3 - I have a strange feeling this is about to turn into a bad parenting thread, and i am getting the hell out. -
Pitu...I am thrilled if Restless called me a slut!!
I haven't been called that in many years. -
brooklynpotter wrote:
I wonder about that. These girls are servicing the boys with hand and blow jobs. Are these guys pleasuring the girls in the same manner? I doubt a boy is returning the oral sex.
i'm not saying you're incorrect, but it is possible the teenage girls are enjoying the sexual activity. i don't mean to sound facetious, and i know it's sounding that way. and i'm also not condoning the behavior. but it's not just the boys who are having fun.
Girls are increasingly sexualized at a younger age. They're being bombarded with images of sexualized young women in every media outlet and this exposure creates the potential for these girls to only see women as sexual objects. Research shows that a girl's self-esteem decreases during adolescence, right around when they are beginning to construct an identity. Why? One theory is that they're being bombarded with images and messages about what it means to be a girl and a woman.
Where music lyrics, movies, TV shows, cartoons, magazines, sports media, video games, advertising, products, the internet, clothing, and cosmetics all use women's sexuality to sell and gain attention, how does a young girl internalize what it means to be a woman?
What does being popular in school mean for a girl? It means being the focus of the male gaze. How does a girl get that? By constructing a femininity that focuses on physical attractiveness. How do the boys respond? By treating them sexually.
We can't just throw condoms at girls and turn our heads. There's actually stuff that we can do, such as teaching our girls how to critically understand the media and teach them how to actively interpret media messages instead of being passive consumers. There's a program called www.mediaandwomen.org for example. Families can have active discussions on what's being shown on TV, teaching them how to interpret sexual content on TV. This is called co-viewing and my Uncle does this all the time with his 14 year old daughter.
Families can also get involved with the campaign for a commercial-free childhood www.commercialexploitation.org and dad's and daughters www.dadsanddaughters.com
There are even girl empowerment groups such Girls for a change http://www.girlsforachange.org for young girls and women to get involved with.
So there's stuff that we can do, like talk to the girls in our family (I talk to my 14 year old cousin and she tolerates me), we can donate money to these empowerment organizations, we can mentor or just talk about it.
It's a battle. -
Flexichick wrote: [quote=veets]How young is too young?
You first
Anyone want to share with us when they lost their virginity?
Who the hell said I ever lost it?! -
DoubleDiamond--what a thoughtful post.
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and i have to tell you, i got a similar talk from my dad about drugs, and it was so pathetic it made me laugh. you think you can just tell your teenager not to have sex and they won't? that it's that easy?
you're probably right, BP, but I admire your father for caring enough to sit down and to have the talk with you, regardless of how ridiculous you thought it was. It couldn't have been easy to have the talk. Regardless of whether the message is received with rolling eyes or not, at least you knew where your father stood when it came to drug. My only point is that if we want our kids to share our values, it has to be made explicit. We can't assume just because we feel one way the kids will too. It's probably impossible to over-communicate with a teenager because they filter so much out, but that doesn't mean parents should stop trying. -
no, turtle, i think you missed my point. the talk was pathetic because my father thought he could be this big father figure talking to his kid about drugs, and at that point i already knew more than he did. and it wasn't about him caring enough to give the talk, it was about him thinking he could parent by giving a speech once in a while. (which is not to say he was a bad man, he wasn't, we were just very different people.)
and i don't think that parents should stop trying, but i do remember as a teenager that there wasn't much that any adult could say or do to make me act any differently than i was acting. (which wasn't all that horrible, btw.) -
brooklynpotter wrote:
I'm sorry but with the benefit of hindsight, the one thing I've come to realize is that the first few years of my "adult" sex life were completely wasted, because none of us (girls or guys) knew anything about sex. These girls might think that they are enjoying it, but its just because they have nothing to compare it to. Sex became much better with practice. My opinion, these girls can afford to wait and not give up hand jobs and bj's to a bunch of fourteen year old boys.
i'm not saying you're incorrect, but it is possible the teenage girls are enjoying the sexual activity. i don't mean to sound facetious, and i know it's sounding that way. and i'm also not condoning the behavior. but it's not just the boys who are having fun.
And yes, their parents should be telling them so... -
homeowner, I wholeheartedly agree. When I look back on the early years of my "sex life" I feel like it was such a waste. It wasn't until I was about 22 that I started figuring things out and started enjoying sex. I feel for those girls, they have no idea of their worth as human beings. Hopefully they'll realize it when they get a little older or they could end up whoring themselves out to whoever fills the void. I've seen too many women like that, with the mindset of, "If you love me or want to spend time with me then you have to give me money/jewelry/clothes etc..."
Unfortunately, I've had more than a little experience with both sides. Being a young woman who thought I needed constant male attention to be complete. And seeing what experiences my male friends had with the adult women. Not pretty for anyone. -
DoubleDiamond--what a thoughtful post.
agreed, doublediamond. -
brooklynpotter wrote:
You make a very good point. Parents should absolutely have these "talks", but they need to start early, like when your kid starts asking questions. My parents used to give me what i called "lectures". In hindsight, and as a parent, I realise it was because they never really answered me when I asked a question. If parents wait until their kid is a teenager, it's too damn late. Nothing can replace consistent honesty.
and i don't think that parents should stop trying, but i do remember as a teenager that there wasn't much that any adult could say or do to make me act any differently than i was acting. (which wasn't all that horrible, btw.)homeowner wrote: I'm sorry but with the benefit of hindsight, the one thing I've come to realize is that the first few years of my "adult" sex life were completely wasted, because none of us (girls or guys) knew anything about sex. These girls might think that they are enjoying it, but its just because they have nothing to compare it to.
In reality, girls use sex to get love, or peer pressure, or boy pressure, whether they realise it or not. Boys use "love" to get sex. This has been going on since the beginning of time. I sort of agree with BP when she says the girls are "enjoying it", but I would argue that they are enjoying the attention rather than the sex.
MOD Edit: to fix tags -
my mom gave me every "sex" book out there and was always available for talks. my dad was a doctor so every medical textbook was in the house. the information i needed was given to me from the time i was born, so i never got "the talk" about sex.
i'm not going to go into personal details about my teenage sex life *not* because i'm embarrassed but because i'm not anonymous on this board. what i will tell you is that all the right information was given to me at the right times and i still did stupid things i shouldn't have. because i was a teenager and teenagers do stupid things. even adults do stupid things.
i just think that with the exception of locking your children in their bedrooms every night, a parent can only hope that he/she gave their child the right tools to navigate the world. -
I put both of my kids (girl & boy) through OWL.
http://www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/ourwhole/
Once they hit a certain age, all you can do is stand back and hope that you did your best to prepare them. -
Sex talk from my parents was , "You do it before you are married , you die and he dies". That's the truth , no lie. Can't have sex on the low , cuz when you get married you must be a virgin.
It may seem harsh to some of you , but when you are raised that way , you look forward to getting married and starting a family.Not getting a boyfriend , or two or three , four , etc. , than taking birth control pills or using condoms so you won't get pregnant or catch an STD cuz you don't know who he's been with and him not knowing who you have been with , blah blah blah.
Plus , I'm sure all parents would love for there kids to wait till marriage. -
Em26 wrote: Plus , I'm sure all parents would love for there kids to wait till marriage.
Well as a parent, I don't want my kids to wait until marriage--(I don't want them to get married too young!) But there is a happy medium between virginity and anonymous sex with strangers I hope! Like responsible sex. -
my mother specifically told me that waiting till marriage was not the best idea.
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Em26 wrote:
I wouldn't want my daughter to wait until marriage. I don't believe virginity is what is valuable about us women. If I had a daughter, I would hope she would responsibly and with self-respect find what type of relationship is right for her through life experience.
Plus , I'm sure all parents would love for there kids to wait till marriage. -
doublediamond wrote: [quote=Em26]
I wouldn't want my daughter to wait until marriage. I don't believe virginity is what is valuable about us women. If I had a daughter, I would hope she would responsibly and with self-respect find what type of relationship is right for her through life experience.
Plus , I'm sure all parents would love for there kids to wait till marriage.
I agree with you completely. I would never advise either of my children to wait till marriage. I think that creates its own set of problems. -
brooklynpotter wrote: my mother specifically told me that waiting till marriage was not the best idea.
hahaha! nice.
My parents said nothing one way or the other while I was a child. They did keep copies of Our Bodies Oursleves and The Man's Body around though. For reference, you know.
However, the first month I was here for college I guess my mom got worried because she started sending me those square-shaped hallmark cards with semi-lectures written inside. It was generally about not touching random p*nis. My favorite line was, "There's nothing wrong with hugging and masturbating."
Words to live by. -
Alrighty then , ladies. . . . :?
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It may seem harsh to some of you , but when you are raised that way , you look forward to getting married and starting a family.Not getting a boyfriend , or two or three , four , etc. , than taking birth control pills or using condoms so you won't get pregnant or catch an STD cuz you don't know who he's been with and him not knowing who you have been with , blah blah blah.
I'm really glad it worked out that way for you, honestly. But I think it's pretty naive to say "when you're raised that way, this happens..." because honestly, for a lot of people who are raised that way, it doesn't end up that way at all. They are more likely to end up pregnant or with STDs, because they don't have any facts, or tools in dealing with their hormones, body and peer pressure. Telling teenagers, who are generally not morons and generally do not live in a tree, that if they have sex before they get married they will die... yeah, probably not the most effective strategy. Because in this day and age, I would bet they know you're lying.
I definitely wouldn't tell my daughter to wait until she's married, because frankly, I don't care if she ever gets married. I would just care that she's happy, and respects herself and her body. And that she waits to have sex when she's ready to deal with the responsibility of it. And that she doesn't get so wasted at 16 that she doesn't remember how many people she had sex with at a party... -
caaahyoko wrote: [quote=brooklynpotter]my mother specifically told me that waiting till marriage was not the best idea.
hahaha! nice.
My parents said nothing one way or the other while I was a child. They did keep copies of Our Bodies Oursleves and The Man's Body around though. For reference, you know.
However, the first month I was here for college I guess my mom got worried because she started sending me those square-shaped hallmark cards with semi-lectures written inside. It was generally about not touching random p*nis. My favorite line was, "There's nothing wrong with hugging and masturbating."
Words to live by.
Ha ha. That's hysterical!
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