Slapping your Child on the Subway---NOT COOL!

And I've been mulling over the rest of this thread - I wonder if it's not more a question of making your expectations clear about your kid's behavior. Some people accomplish this with a smack or spanking; other people accomplish it in other ways. I've never ever hit my kids except once - I slapped my oldest girl's hand away from the stove when she was not yet one. And of course felt quite justified in doing so!

And while certainly we've had our tussles and battles of will, I have to say that they're growing up very respectful. Yes, I've perfected The Look - but behind The Look is not necessarily a threat of hitting, but a threat of "this is what I expect from you and you WILL do it because you are the kid and I am your mother". The consequences are a removal of allowance/TV/my approval/a date with friends/etc. They are real, just not physical.

All I'm saying is that I don't know that categorically one can say hitting works or doesn't work. I'm sure we all know lots of people who were slapped around as kids, who turned out to be completely undisciplined jerks; and certainly my own kids are being raised in the stereotypical cosseted Park Slope Liberal fashion and are turning out eerily well-behaved. I think it depends on the kid as much as the parents, and that making your expectations clear about acceptable behavior in no uncertain terms is the most important thing.

That said, hitting on the subway is a rather shocking thing to witness. I'd have been really disturbed by that as well.

I think it's extremely arrogant for anyone to say that their method of parenting is better than everyone else's. Every person is different, every child is different. Kids need to learn to respect their parents, there are different courses of action needed for each child. If a child learns to respect their parent(s) at a young age it will stay with them even when they're older. I don't advocate beating kids but there are times when some kids need more than a time out or grounding or toys being taken away. The power of my mother's Look depended solely on my respect for her. She never beat me but I got a spanking or 2 as a child in addition to the time outs and toys being taken away. It was what worked for me but, like I said, every child is different. There is no one way to raise a child, no one way that will work for everyone.

Rose, I didn't mean you although I realize now that it looks that way! I've heard parents boast about the way they raise their kids while their kids behave like little monsters. Then there are the ones who see nothing wrong with treating their kids like crap and act like they're the best parents in the world. Another thing that got me going yesterday is one of our customers has an autistic child. Sometimes someone doesn't realize he's autistic and they glare at his mother like she's a terrible parent. Or make comments like, "If that was my kid I'd...", whatever, they think he's just an out of control kid.

I shouldn't be allowed to post on message boards when I'm tired, things always come out the wrong way. I'm sorry Rose! #-o

rose, the children of shrinks are the worst! i have a friend who is the child of two shrinks and he is seriously messed up. they always have the most screwed up kids.

backtopsb wrote: Oooooooooh, The Look.

I still think about my mother's Look. Dad would try... but there is just something about how Mom had that look down. (Caseopele, your mom and mine probably had the same lessons on how to give it.)

The evil eye always made me giggle.

My parents looked like they were trying to be characters in a SNL skit when they did it. Not scary.

Hey.. I raised 3 kids and they each can tell you that they were whacked on their hiney's one time each and that is all it took in the right circumstance to insure that they would never need to be "hit" again.