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A way for singles to meet? - Page 4 — Brooklynian

A way for singles to meet?

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  • doctorj
    doctorj
    findcate wrote: we all think about where we're going in life, no? we all envision our futures in a certain way.
    No. I take it a couple of years at a time, because the only constant so far has been major change every 5-10 years (lifestyle, culture, study, work, city, continent, etc.) in directions I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. Sensible decisions now that put me/us in a better position to jump at whatever opportunity or cope with whatever adversity that comes along are all that are needed by way of planning. I like Provence, but I like a lot of places, people and things, and when the time comes, I'll know what to choose.
  • caaahyoko
    caaahyoko
    street shooter wrote:

    I have to back you up on this. For too many women, the focus is on marriage but not on the person they want to marry. Did we all forget that the reason you get married is because you met someone that you simply can't live without. Don't try and tell me that you pick up on that on a second date. The desperation vibe is a deal breaker. Here's an idea. Instead of husband hunting, try having a good time and maybe someone will want to join you in that good time. Slow down and live in the present rather than a hyperfocus on the future. Love should'nt have to be so preconceived.
    Yes, thank you! Nail hit on head.

    This is why my fiancee and I are engaged, and I really believe, from experience, that this the healthiest way to decide to get married. We are the only couple we know, married or not, that Never argues or is in any other way unhappy.
  • anonymous
    anonymous
    caaahyoko wrote: This is why my fiancee and I are engaged, and I really believe, from experience, that this the healthiest way to decide to get married. We are the only couple we know, married or not, that Never argues or is in any other way unhappy.
    I don't want to be the wet blanket but to me the real stresses and tests of a relationship come with money and children and illness. Suddenly your values are tested--some men suddenly revert to Ozzie Nelson once the kids come and let the wife take on most, if not all, of the parental decisions. Some women I know have suddenly become all Westchester once the kids are here. A sick parent can cause a mid-life crisis when you realize there is nobody between you and death anymore.....o.k. is that glum enough?

    So it is good you guys are so compatible but I don't think arguing is such a bad thing. it just depends on HOW you argue. It is in some ways better to learn how to resolve big conflicts early before some of life's stresses blind side you and you haven't figured out HOW to fight with each other.
  • steve
    steve
    brooklynpotter wrote: [quote=cythren]

    AND one more thing - women can date younger men, just as men famously date younger women. An age difference isn't always such a big deal, although cultural platitudes might imply that it is when the *woman* is the older party.
    i think that's a great thing, i do. i've tried it, perhaps other women who've tried it can speak up. and i'd do it again, too. but i can tell you that in my experience the majority of men want to have a family. and younger men, especialy, haven't come to the possibility that this might not happen.

    at 41, there's no shortage of much older men i could be dating. but younger? not so much.

    Good point. I think a large number of unmarried men feel like they can go either way as far as kids go, but they want to keep their options open. I'm 34 myself and I don't think I would date much older than me for that reason among others. As far as kids go, right now they are not a real goal, but something to think about with someone else one day.
  • anonymous
    anonymous
    steve wrote: Good point. I think a large number of unmarried men feel like they can go either way as far as kids go, but they want to keep their options open. I'm 34 myself and I don't think I would date much older than me for that reason among others. As far as kids go, right now they are not a real goal, but something to think about with someone else one day.
    But is age alone a reliable enough indicator of a woman's reproductive potential? When that lucky lady manages to win your heart, it might be prudent to get her into an OBGYN for a thorough exam and fertility workup just to know what you're getting into before signing on the dotted line.

    Being sarcastic here... :wink:
  • caaahyoko
    caaahyoko
    kensingtonmom wrote:

    I don't want to be the wet blanket but to me the real stresses and tests of a relationship come with money and children and illness. Suddenly your values are tested--some men suddenly revert to Ozzie Nelson once the kids come and let the wife take on most, if not all, of the parental decisions. Some women I know have suddenly become all Westchester once the kids are here. A sick parent can cause a mid-life crisis when you realize there is nobody between you and death anymore.....o.k. is that glum enough?

    So it is good you guys are so compatible but I don't think arguing is such a bad thing. it just depends on HOW you argue. It is in some ways better to learn how to resolve big conflicts early before some of life's stresses blind side you and you haven't figured out HOW to fight with each other.
    Nah, we've been through all that. I guess I should mention that he is 38 and not a young doe-eyed 24 like I am. His parents--after 30 years of marriage--got a divorce just before we started seeing each other. His dad went back to Haiti and left him to support his mom entirely. She was suffering from severe depression and eventually got some help from the city, but he still gives her about 10-20% of his salary a month. So we've had so many things against us from the beginning. We just don't fight because its not necessary to get through stressful situations. And there have been plenty. We used to get upset at each other, but we got over it by...

    ...not having unrealistic expectations. Which is where I think a lot of single people--and a lot of married people--go wrong. You work with what you have. We just want to work on our music and enjoy each other's company. Shit happens, but we deal with it together.
  • jennitrixie
    jennitrixie
    "The fact that more men more than women start to go seriously off the rails in terms of unemployment, mental problems, violence, complete social ineptitude, alcohol and drug addiction in this age group . . ."

    Hee! Well, I did Nerve for in two stints (once when I was 26—and had a 2-year relationship—and at 30/31). I recently cancelled my profile. I needed a break from the online thing. I'd met some nice people, and had some fun, and also a heaping handful of hilariously bad dates. The reason I quit this time around was that I just wasn't clicking with the guys in my general demographic (ew, but stick with me here). They tended to be at worst socially awkward, unassertive, underemployed, embittered perma-grad students (see quote above) who wanted neither a relationship nor a fling, but sort of what I would call a "meh"-lationship, something that goes on for several months, but that doesn't really develop any depth or meaning to either person.

    I can do better than "meh". I'm smart, funny, social, cute, fit, have a career and a life, etc. I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship—and certainly not any old relationship or worse, the wrong relationship— but I'd be lying if I wouldn't want to be able to add love to my life. My friends and friends-of-friends are mostly coupled up, so it can be tough meeting new, single people at parties and stuff; a lot of my hobbies are a bit "girly", so same thing. I'm not the type to pick up contrived hobbies to meet guys (though at the same time I'm up for trying new things). I am the type who is sometimes oblivious to guys hitting on her ("Oh, he's just being friendly!") and who tends to have her nose buried in a book on the F train (cutting down on Missed Connections).

    It's more a matter of opening my eyes and keeping an open mind while keeping myself "out there" (whatever that means) and continuing to enjoy my current life (which I, y'know, do, except for the lack of sex and hating running that "stocking up on AA batteries" errand in the Slope during Weekend Brunch time 'cause it's so lousy with the happily coupled.) In the meantime, isn't there some sort of Fresh Direct delivery for this?
  • caaahyoko
    caaahyoko
    jennitrixie wrote: hating running that "stocking up on AA batteries" errand in the Slope during Weekend Brunch time 'cause it's so lousy with the happily coupled.) In the meantime, isn't there some sort of Fresh Direct delivery for this?
    Work it girl :wink: :

    http://www.freshdirect.com/category.jsp?catId=gro_batt&prodCatId=gro_batt&productId=hba_duracell_aa4pk&trk=srch
  • erikka
    erikka
    brooklynpotter wrote: [quote=cythren]

    AND one more thing - women can date younger men, just as men famously date younger women. An age difference isn't always such a big deal, although cultural platitudes might imply that it is when the *woman* is the older party.
    i think that's a great thing, i do. i've tried it, perhaps other women who've tried it can speak up. and i'd do it again, too. but i can tell you that in my experience the majority of men want to have a family. and younger men, especialy, haven't come to the possibility that this might not happen.

    at 41, there's no shortage of much older men i could be dating. but younger? not so much.

    I think the term for such an act is cougaring: www.gocougar.com/
    I fully approve
  • steve
    steve
    muchomas wrote: [quote=steve] Good point. I think a large number of unmarried men feel like they can go either way as far as kids go, but they want to keep their options open. I'm 34 myself and I don't think I would date much older than me for that reason among others. As far as kids go, right now they are not a real goal, but something to think about with someone else one day.
    But is age alone a reliable enough indicator of a woman's reproductive potential? When that lucky lady manages to win your heart, it might be prudent to get her into an OBGYN for a thorough exam and fertility workup just to know what you're getting into before signing on the dotted line.

    Being sarcastic here... :wink:

    Based on recent experience, that will be right after the full psych profile. :P
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